The Game Of Lust

The Man I Use To Be

After golfing we drove to a dinner called the ‘The Morning Harp’

and had brunch.

Dad ordered coffee and pancakes with syrup on the side as he preferred it that way. He leaned back read the daily papers. He could never get enough information, as he was known to watch the news channels, read papers and also surf the web for any happening gist, and he didn't mind what country or city, with that said after, it was good to be nationally conscious.

“Why not just have the syrup on top of your pancakes instead?” I asked, though I already knew why. In his words, it was more decent to have everything on the side.

“That way I can decided if I want to have syrup in every bite,” He answered, looking over his newspapers.

“It's too sweet for you anyways” I muttered softly.

“What are you,my doctor?” He replied, flipping a page of the large papers in his hands. I rolled my eyes and called for a waiter. I ordered two of the meatiest burger on the menu, living with Margret had me eating in smaller portions for some reason, Flora was a good cook but she was use to cooking what Margret liked and I was still trying to get the hang of it all, this was my opportunity to eat as sloppily as possible, I was thinking chicken and waffles afterwards and a lot of cheese as well.

“Are you trying to have a heart attack?” she wrinkled her eyebrows at my order.

“What are you having?” I asked Regina who was staring concentratedly on the menu, she thought hard about it.

“I think I'll just have a salad,” she finally said to the waiter and quickly pushed away the menu.

“I'm embarrassed of that order.”

“What? I'm on a diet”

“What for?” I tilted my head in suspicion.

“Nothing, I'm just watching my weight”

“Watching your weight? … Regina you barely have any weight!” I said lifting her weak arm and let it go almost immediately, her hand fell limp on her thigh.

“Stop it” she laughed tiredly.

“ Is this because of a man?”

“No, no no! ” she quickly denied, whenever Regina lied, she would act surprised or rather oblivious to the question.

“So there is a man? ”

“No Alfred, will you shut up”

“You know Regina I have some young clients that I could introduce you to” Dad suggested.

“what no!.. I don't want you to hook me up with your clients”

“Why would you want to lose weight for a man.. I mean why do anything to please them, why not please yourself and eat whatever you like,” I said leaning closer.

Her mouth was still wide open from our father's earlier suggestion.

“You're not even taking yourself seriously.” she uttered tartly “Alfred, lets say you weren't my brother, would you approach me despite the way I look?”

“You make it sound as though you look appalling in any way. ”

“But would you?”

“Of course … you have what men like, Big t**s,” I joked, throwing my head back in a hysterical laughter.

“Alfred!” Dad called in a stern voice, no one else was laughing but me and truly they didn't appreciate my rare humour. “I'm sorry,” I cleared my throat and composed myself.

“You were never an insecure person, why now? ” he asked turning to her.

“I don't know Dad, I just don't feel right anymore.”

“Whoever this man is, he's not worth it,” I joined.

“I never said there was a man behind it!” she sighed.

“You know what have some of my pancakes” Dad said, putting some of his pancakes into her plate. I cut my burger in half and handing it to her, she was speechless or rather frozen in shock. She looked up at both of us with a wide smile on her face.

“Thanks” she said.

At that moment I released that men like myself, had created these beauty standards in women like my sister. I wanted meet the man behind her misery and put him out of his.

A few day later, I sat before my computer and decided it was finally time to put something down, I could not longer bare the crippling silence that lingered in my head for years. As a writer I found little ways to infuse bits of my personal experiences into my writing, so I sat back and took a a memory walk through all of my life experiences. As a child most of my experiences happened in boarding school. Though there weren't any girls as it was an all boys school. That was probably the origin of my love for women. In boarding school I was timid and alone and somehow got saddled with Huey ‘The Notorious’, who bullied me and became my best friend afterwards.

I met Hunter at a restaurant, he was a chef. He served me a displeasing dish which I complained about and he ended up losing his job over that complaint. How we became friends after that is still a surprise to me. Jimmy I met at one of mom's many party's, he happened to be someone else's plus one that day.

I thought about my famous era, but it wasn't inspiring enough, I mostly f*cked around with every woman who managed to recognize me.

There was ___ but I still didn't know how to talk about her, it'd been years and I'd ran from that part of my life for so long that I didn't know when I ran back to it.

I was getting no where fast, in my self made dilemma. Groaning angriIy, heard a knock on the door, it was Louie.

“Excuse me sir,” she said letting herself in.

“I found this in the washer” she handed me a ring, the one I had used in replacement for the actual wedding ring which Huey had forgot in the hotel on the day of my wedding. The ring with the silver skull on it, brought back exciting memories of that day.

“Thank you Louie, ” I smiled, I noticed her ginger hair was resting on her shoulders, she looked beautiful at any time of the day.

“I didn't know you write Sir ,” she said noticing the computer in front of me and the turmoil growing in me as I stared plainly at the blank screen.

“well I'm trying to write but it's not coming to me yet ” I turned to her. She moved closer and sat beside me. Her dress slide upwards as she sat, showing off her smooth thighs.

“What do you have so far? Maybe I can be of some help,” she offered. Looking at her brought back flashes of my previous dream, the explicit one I had of her, thinking of something else was rather challenging with her sitting so closely beside me.

“Well I thought about something personal, something relatable … I want to make something interesting and real life for once,” I explained

“So you don't have anything down? ”

“I don't, ”I said while bowing my head in disappointment.

“Well.. I might have something for you,”

“Really!? ” my eyes lit up,

“What kind of stories are you most comfortable writing?”

I stopped to think, “Drama, romance, more drama,” I chuckled.

“I know a bunch of dramatic people in my life, lemme see .. There's my cousin Paris.” she mentioned, looking around thoughtfully.

“What about Paris?” I asked, sitting up right.

“She use to date older men. One time she met a rich old man and luckily for her he was in his late seventies, so she quickly married him” Louie explained, “She realised he had children her age, they weren't happy with their father's decision and they didn't like her very much.”

“Did they tortured her out of the marriage?”

“Oh no, paris was hard headed, she stayed and started having an affair with the eldest son and eventually broke the family apart,”

“Waw, what a dangerous woman.”

“That's not all she also got him to put her in his will, luckily for her he fell ill and died the following year.”

“The end? ”

“No! ” she laughed “Before he died she found out she was pregnant for his eldest son”

“Damn … That is dramatic … so how did it end?”

“I'll tell you some other time,” she whispered leaning closer.

“I'm so curious about you Louie.”

“Really?”

“Yea … Why don't you tell me about yourself? ” I asked. She paused for a moment and smiled, “It's really embarrassing.”

“I don't mind”

“well , as you already know, my name is Louie Henderson, I love to swim and I make wood carvings, every now then,”

“you carve?” I exclaimed,

“It's a hobby. I also have four siblings, I'm the eldest” she smiled “Do you have siblings Sir?”

“I had two siblings now I have just one .”

“What happened?” she asked before noticing the downcast look on my face.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked.”

“No it's alright, My brother's name was Edward, we use to call ourselves Ed and Eddy, he was Ed and I was Eddy, ” I clenched my fingers tightly as I explained, no one had ever been able to pull that story from me, no matter how important, I just couldn't find the courage to say it cause I still hadn't accepted it myself.

“He was in a car accident accident, drove off a bridge” I said, I fought back the tears but couldn't help it.

I turned away from Louie's piercing gaze, and wiped my eyes with my hands,

“I'm so sorry,” she said placing her hand on my thigh, “I know just how you feel.”

“You lost someone as well? ”

“Yes, he hung himself after he lost his job, so the rest of us couldn't finish school, I had to get a job to support my mother, ” she answered.

“That's awful ”

“No.. I think he was a selfish man till he died” she stood up and headed for the door.

“I hope My unbelievably dramatic story inspired you abit” she turned

“You just gave me a very big lead.” I answered as she excited my room.

I began organized the ideas I collected from her story and pieced them together. My lead character was a woman named Diana, just like Paris, Diana would be money hungry and her quest to live a lavish life would lead her to the old guy, I called him Drew Harrington. For three straight hours I was crouched over the computer, typing and typing, I was filled with ideas, for the first time in three years. I felt the weight on my back finally subside.

Louie came in with food in a tray,

“I brought this for you … you haven't eaten properly in two days, I feel like this is my fault,” she pouted.

“Thank you Louie,” I moved away the pile of books and accidentally toppled them over along with a glass tumblr, that scattered on the floor.