Breaking Down

Chapter 22-2

My jaw hit the floor. “But … that’s over a month away.”

“Yes, Mr. Helms is very busy.”

Merda. What now? I had no choice here. “Okay, put me down for any time on April twentieth, then.”

She glanced at the screen again. “Does ten thirty sound good?”

I groaned. “Yes.”

“And do you want to leave a little note saying what this is about?”

“Hm, sure. I’m the sister of Guilherme Fernandes from the Montenegro team, and I have some business I’d like to discuss with Mr. Helms.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “Business.”

“Yes.” I paused, not sure if I should proceed or not, but what did I have to lose? “I want to talk to him about a women’s team.”

The receptionist gaped at me. “A women’s team?”

“Yes. For polo.”

“Oh-kay.” She typed a quick note on her computer, and then smiled back at me. “All set. We’ll see you then.”

“Great.”

With my tail between my legs, I walked out of the administration building, feeling down. Damn it.

Maybe playing polo with the guys would lift my spirits, or maybe it would only bring me down more. As much as I loved playing with them, it was a constant reminder that they were living their dreams, while I sat on the bleachers and watched.

I was happy for them and wished them all the best. That they kept winning tournaments, making lots of money, and that they took the first four spots in the world ranking. But I wanted that for me too. Maybe not the money part, since I didn’t need money, but the realization of waking up every day knowing I would get up and do what I loved the most. That … that was what I wanted.

Avoiding the main field, I walked around the building, taking the longer side path, just so the guys wouldn’t see me as I dragged my feet back to my car. The last thing I wanted right now was them all over me, trying to comfort me. I would be fine. I just needed a moment to myself.

I slid inside my car and my phone beeped. I picked it up and gaped at the screen.

Mateus: Oi

I sighed. What could he want now? To insult me more?

Me: Oi

Mateus: How are you?

Me: I’m good.

I saw he was typing something else, but I asked before he could enter his message:

Me: What do you want?

Mateus: I wanted to apologize for the other day.

A pause.

Mateus: I was jealous and upset and I drank too much and I said things I shouldn’t have and I behaved like a complete jerk. I’m sorry.

That was unexpected.

Me: It’s okay. I mean, it wasn’t okay, but you’re forgiven.

Mateus: So … how is the new life treating you?

I stared at the screen. What did he want? Why was he contacting me again? If he wanted to apologize, he had done that, I had forgiven him. Now, could we move on?

However, after our many years together and our mostly amicable break up, I thought he deserved some consideration. Besides, I was not a b***h. Quite the contrary. I was too nice and usually got into trouble because of it.

Me: Everything is fine. I like it here.

Mateus: I know you like it there. You were always talking about the United States, ever since your brother and cousins started playing there.

True. I would have done anything to come have fun with them and Bia.

Mateus: But I want to know if you’re happy.

Was I happy? I guess I was, though my happiness wasn’t complete yet.

Me: I am.

Mateus: That was a short answer.

What else did he want me to say?

Me: Mateus, not that I mind talking to you, but … seriously, what do you want?

A pause.

Mateus: I miss you. I really, really miss you. And, after finding out you’re engaged … I always knew I still had feelings for you, but I hadn’t realized how strong they were until you were snatched from me. Until you were promised to someone else.

I swallowed hard.

Me: I don’t know what to say to that.

Mateus: Well, you could say you realize you still love me too and that you’ll break up with that guy and come back to Brasil to be with me.

I didn’t answer because there was nothing to say about that.

Mateus: I was joking. Sorta.

Me: I have some things to do now.

Mateus: Okay.

Me: Tchau, Mateus. Take care.

Mateus: Tchau.

I put my phone down and stared at the trees lining the parking lot at the club, but I wasn’t really seeing them. What the hell had that been? I just hoped Mateus figured out whatever his problem was and moved on, because him hanging on to me because I had someone else—even if fake—wasn’t cool.

I let out a sigh, and forced all thoughts of Mateus out of my mind.

The guys invited me to go to a horse sale with them on Friday. Since I didn’t have anything better to do, I went with them. Tio João Pedro drove us to a ranch in Nevada—six hours away—in his Grand Cherokee. I guess with our big family, the third row came in handy.

Ri sat in the passenger seat, Leo and Gui sat in the middle row, and Pedro sat in the back with me.

Criado em Galpão blasted from the speakers—a tradicionalista song from Rio Grande do Sul, our home state—and the chimarrão was being passed around.

At some point, I leaned into Pedro and rested my head on his shoulders. I had woken up at four in the morning to be ready when they came to pick me up at four thirty. The unusual early morning was catching up to me.

I closed my eyes, hoping to nap, but my traitorous mind drifted to Tyler instead. In the seven days we had been living together, he had been gone most of the days. And nights. Since he went back to work on Monday, he left around seven thirty, and came back around nine, if not later. Then, when he finally got back, he shoved something down his throat, took a shower, and went to bed.

Perhaps this was better than the awkward moments, or the jerky reactions, but so far, I felt like I was living with a ghost.

“How is Tyler?” Pedro asked, catching me by surprise.

I opened my eyes. “Good. I invited him to come, but he has to work.” That was another lie. Tyler knew I was going to the sale, but I hadn’t invited him.

I felt his head moving against mine as he nodded. “We train hard, but we’re blessed we can set our own hours.”

“Sim, you guys are.” In more than just being able to determine their schedules and take impromptu trips to horse sales on Fridays.

“You’ll get there too, I know.”

I sighed. Good thing he knew it because I wasn't as sure anymore. “I’m not so sure.”

He chuckled. “Gabi, you’ve been here for what, two weeks? That’s nothing. These things don’t happen that fast. It might be months before you see any progress. Be patient.”

“My lack of patience is one of my many flaws.”

He mocked gasped at me. “You? Flaws? No! I thought you were perfect.”

I punched him in the gut and he let out a half-howl, half-chuckle. “I have many flaws. I can even name a few of them. For example, my lack of patience, my curiosity, my inability to be really rude and say no to people, and my belief that love solves everything.” Pedro quieted down. I pulled back and looked at him. “Want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “Not really.” I thought he wouldn’t say anything, but he surprised me. “I haven’t talked to her since we broke up.”

Over a month ago. Poor Pedro. “I’m sorry …”

He shrugged. “It’s okay …” He forced a smile. “And how are you and the engaged life?”

I rolled my eyes. Engaged. Right. If only they knew … However, I had to sell the product. They thought we had gotten engaged and moved in together and were having the time of our lives. “It’s good. Great even. It’s been easier to get used to living with someone than I thought it would be, but at the same time, sometimes I’m surprised by the fact that I am living with someone else other than my parents or you guys.”

He clasped my hand. “Hope he’s making you happy.”

I smiled at him, at his concern for me. “He is,” I lied. Bom, Tyler wasn’t making me unhappy either, but he certainly wasn’t doing anything to make me happy.

Another hour on the road and we finally arrived at the ranch. It was ten forty-five and the place was already packed.

“Are we late?” Ri asked as we all exited the car.

I glanced between us. If we didn’t look like a team, wearing jeans of varying tones and black Montenegro polo shirts and cowboy boots, we never would. To complete the visuals, tio João Pedro wore a black cowboy hat, and Gui and Pedro had black Montenegro baseball hats.

“No,” tio João Pedro said. “The preview is at eleven, and the sale starts at one.”

“Apparently, they just invited a lot of people,” Leo said.

“We better split up for the preview, then,” Gui suggested.

“Boa ideia,” tio João Pedro said. “Take notes of horses you like and then we can all go see the top ones before the sale.”

“Good plan,” Pedro said.

Tio João Pedro and Ri went to the left, while Leo and Gui went to the right, and Pedro and I went to the middle.

The horses were spread through the arena, separated by tall steel fencing on medium size pens, and there were a lot of men walking around, taking notes, petting the horses.

“See anything you like?” Pedro asked, as we walked by the pens, looking to make sure we didn’t miss any of the many horses around.

“I see a lot of horses I like,” I said, smiling. “I want to buy them all.”

Pedro chuckled. “Me too.”

We walked for another two minutes before Pedro stopped in front of a tall horse with a light brown coat.

“He’s pretty,” I said, leaning on the fence to take a better look at his legs.

“Sim. I like this one.” Pedro pulled out his phone, opened the notes app, and entered the number written on a plaque attached to the fence.

My phone dinged and I glanced at it.

Pri: Guess who has been asking about you nonstop?

I rolled my eyes.

Me: Mateus.

Pri: Right. How did you know?

Me: He texted me last Saturday and Tuesday.

Pri: Oh, uau. So, he’s serious about it.

I leaned my back on the fence between two pens while Pedro examined the horse.

Me: Serious about what?

Pri: About winning you back.

Me: What? No.

But he had said so himself, hadn’t he? Not with those exact words, but close.

Pri: Lucia and I went to the mall last night and bumped into him and Jorge. We ended up going to dinner together and he kept talking about you, asking a lot of stuff.

Me: Why the hell is he doing this now? We’ve been apart for eighteen months.

Pri: He did try to get back with you before, remember? Now, he seems more serious about it. More determined.

Me: Introduce him to some other girls, see if he starts stalking them instead.

Pri: lol, right? As if you are that easy to forget.

I smiled at my phone.

Me: How do you know? You never slept with me. Or never kissed me.

Pri: Querida, I’m not into girls, but for you, I would make an exception.

Me: lol abobada

Pri: You know you love me, especially when I talk s**t like that.

Me: True.

Something poked me in my waist and I jumped forward with a yelp.

“Sorry,” I told the man I almost bumped into. A couple of people stared at me as if I was nuts, but when I turned around to the fence, I saw what happened. “Hey, you.” I approached the white horse inside the pen. I lifted my hand, and instantly, the horse pressed his muzzle against the fence bars and sniffed my hand. “Were you playing with me, uh?” I stretched my arm and rested my hand on top of his muzzle, and then I glanced at the horse’s body. “Oh, you’re a girl.” I ran my hand under her chin. “Hi, pretty girl.”

The mare snorted lightly. And I smiled.

“She’s a pretty thing,” a man said from my right. He was looking at the mare from over the fence. “Young, tall and strong, beautiful white coat.”

“True,” a second man said. He was beside the other one, his eyes on the plaque on the fence. “But I heard rumors she’s a skittish little thing. Gets scared with everything. Even leaves falling.”

“Yeah, that won’t do at my ranch,” the first man said, taking a large step back.

“Or on mine.” The second one shook his head once before joining the other one and going to the next pen.

I glanced at the beautiful mare in front of me. “Don’t listen to them. They have no idea what they are talking about.” I scratched her neck and she seemed to stretch her head up, giving me more access. I chuckled. “You’re perfect the way you are.” And she was. Tall, with strong legs, a lean neck, and a gray coat coming from her hooves to her knees.

“Gabi,” Pedro called me from the other pen. “Meu pai asked us to meet him. I think he wants to show us a horse.”

I scratched the mare’s neck one more time before retreating. “Good luck,” I told her and I could swear she lowered her head and her ears drooped, as if she didn’t believe in luck.