ADRIAN
The whole way over I tell myself it wasn't me. It's not my fault. Ellie is right.
The moment we walk in, I don't remember any of it.
Twelve beds. Three of them are mine. I don't remember much when I'm in that state, but I recall who was here yesterday.
I go the length of the room slowly.
Bed two is Neel, who has been on my gate detail for six years. Both bones came through the skin of his left forearm. It's splinted straight.
Bed five is a man whose name I have to reach for. Otto. Twenty-six stitches from his hip to his knee. He's awake.
He sees me and starts to get himself up onto his elbows. I put my hand on his shoulder and put him back down.
Bed seven doesn't wake up when I say his name.
My chest tightens.
I did that to him.
Never again.
Not to any pack member. Not
