Hope's Despair

Responsibility Calls

As they made their way home, Hope said goodbye to Everly and rushed toward the door of her house. It was cold in the November air, and she didn't want to stay outside for long. Her coat wasn't quite warm enough to protect her against the snow that was coming that night. She wasn't sure how she would last all night at the den, but she was determined to try, if only to cheer Everly up.

First, she had to finish dinner, then she could worry about the den.

"Mom, I'm home," Hope called out as she opened the door with her key and locked it behind her. She went into the kitchen and looked around, surveying what needed to be done to finish dinner. She would take some to Granny, Everly, Charlotte, and Lucas as soon as her mom, brother and sister had eaten. She grabbed a few stalks of celery and chopped the stalks into small pieces. She would add them to the stew at the end, so they kept their crisp.

"Hopie, what did you do today?" Sarah asked as she came into the kitchen and sat at the table, spreading her homework about the surface, surveying it with distaste.

"Worked, same as always," Hope said in her sad pouty voice as she teased her sister. She smiled at Sarah and gave her a kiss on the head. "Soup for dinner, I'll make some bread, just give me a few minutes. What homework do you have tonight?"

"Math and Writing," Sarah said with a cringe, her nose scrunching in distaste. “I wish they would let us write stories, but instead we have to copy pages from their stupid book.”

Hope gave her a sympathetic smile before she turned back to chopping vegetables.

"Tommy!" Hope called out to her younger brother, wanting to help him with his homework before she went to Everly's for the night.

"What?" Thomas said in a disgruntled voice as he walked out of his room in the back of the house, trudging up the hall and plopping into a chair with a loud thump.

"Where's your homework, what do you have to finish tonight?" Hope asked as she kept cutting vegetables to add to the bean stew that had been soaking all day over the fire. They had a gas stove, but it was too expensive to pay for the gas to run it, so Hope never turned it on. She was so used to cooking on a fire she wasn’t sure she would know how to cook on a stove even if she could figure out how to run it.

"Same as Sarah," Thomas said as he plopped on a chair next to Sarah at the table and pulled his papers out of his bag. They both started working through problems.

"How do you divide this, Hopie?" Sarah asked. Hope turned from the bread she was kneading and pointed at a line in Sarah's book.

"You have to do long division. Here, put the big number here and the smaller number on the side," Hope started to explain how to solve the problem, Thomas watching out of the side of his eye. Hope ruffled his hair as she turned back to the fire to stoke the flames and make sure the soup was cooking.

"Where's mom?" Hope asked her younger brother and sister after a half hour. She hadn't seen her mom since that morning. She hoped she wasn't having a bad day since that would make things worse for Sarah and Tommy.

"Drinking," Sarah said softly, her eyes averted as she glanced quickly at Thomas. Thomas didn't look up from his papers but he nodded in agreement and kept working through his homework. Hope looked between the two of them with worry. She pulled out the pan to bake the bread in and set the dough aside to rise for a few minutes.

"When did she start drinking? Before you got home from school?" Hope asked as she washed her hands and cleaned the bowls she had used to prep dinner.

Thomas nodded and said softly, "She got a letter in the mail today. The magistrate denied her request for a continued pension. She's been crying and drinking since it came in."

"Oh, no," Hope said, her voice dropping in frustration as she walked down the hall toward her mom's room. Their house was a single-story standalone house in the middle of the north side of the kingdom. There were three bedrooms; Thomas took one, Sarah and Hope took the second and their mother was in the third. The rooms were down the short hallway off the kitchen and dining room. There was a small living room area just off the side of the dining room. She peeked her head in her mother’s room and saw her form curled on the bed, eyes closed, the soft sound of snoring filled the air. In the pale light from the candle sitting on her dresser, she looked almost angelic. Her white-blond hair was spread over her pillow, her dark lashes lay in contrast to her pale skin. Her lips were flushed cherry red. Hope knew it was from her continued drinking, but the effect was stark against her pale features.

As she turned to the hall once more, she shut the door quietly and let her mother sleep. She would take dinner in before she left.

Until then, she had her siblings to care for. Sarah and Thomas were ten-year-old twins. Their honey blond hair and blue eyes were a spitting image of Hope's father. Hope had light hair too, but her hair was white-blond, like her mother's. Her eyes were a deep, chocolate brown.

Hope packaged one large pot of soup to take to Granny and Everly’s houses, then she served her younger sister and brother. When they had eaten and Hope was filled, she took a bowl in to her mother.

"Mom?" Hope said softly, knocking lightly on the door before she pushed it open. Hope's mother was lying on the bed, staring blankly at the wall. She had woken while Hope had been eating.

"I brought you soup, mom. Come on, sit up and try some," Hope said gently as she walked into the room. She set the bowl on the table by the bed and helped her mom sit up. Her mother's eyes slowly moved to focus on Hope, the glaze telling how drunk she still was.

"Hope, you're home," her mom slurred as she tried to focus on Hope's face.

"Mm-hmm, I'm here. I made dinner, bread, and soup, try some, please?" Hope pleaded as she dipped some bread in the broth and brought it to her mom's lips. Her mom took a bite before pushing Hope away. A sob broke out on her mom's lips as she seemed to remember something. She flopped back on the bed with a thud and let out another cry.

"We're doomed, Hope, they took away my pension. Your worthless father would be better off dead for all the good he ever did for us," she slurred as she cried. Her shoulders shook and her weak body rolled on the pillows in defeat.

"Mom, I have to take nana her pills today. I'll leave Sarah and Tommy here, but I won't be back until morning. OK?" Hope tried to talk to her mother, but her mother had grabbed the bottle of poorly made gin sitting on the dresser next to the bed and taken a giant gulp. She fell in a heap on her bed, gin spilling down her blanket. Hope sighed and cleaned up the mess before gathering the dirty clothes and dishes.

At least I got one bite in her this time, she thought bitterly as she closed the door to her mother's room. She took the gin with her. She would take it to Granny. Granny could use the pick me up and she at least wouldn't get drunk and pass out from it.

Hope walked back out to the kitchen where her siblings sat. She watched as they ate, ruffling their hair as she sat on the bench by them.

"You're going to Granny’s house tonight?" Sarah asked. She must have heard Hope talking to her mother.

"Yeah, do you want to come with me and stay there tonight?" Hope asked her siblings. "I'm going out with Everly tonight to the den. I'll be back in the morning before school starts. You won't even miss me. You could sleep in front of the fire at Granny’s, maybe even make a fort."

"Yeah, I don't want to stay here with that drunk old hag," Thomas said bitterly.

"Thomas!" Hope reprimanded.

"Sorry Hope, but she wakes up mean and if you're not here-," he stopped talking and shrugged.

Hope's eyes filled with tears that she blinked back with effort.

"I know, I'm sorry. I promised Everly I would go out with her tonight. She had a rough day, so I can’t take it back. Granny would love to have you, and you can camp by the fire. I'll bring extra wood, so you'll be warm all night!" Hope explained with a grin, making the trip seem like an adventure.

"That would be fun!" Sarah exclaimed, "I was cold last night when you got up."

"I know, I'm sorry, Sarah," Hope said, her face grimacing at the reminder that they didn't have enough wood to keep their fire stoked all night. "You and Tommy will be cozy with Granny, though, so let's backup your school stuff and go!" Hope gathered the medicine her grandmother needed and packed soup, blankets, and wood. She threw a few logs on the fire for her mother but had no hope of it staying warm once they burned out. She went to her mom’s room and tucked several blankets around her to keep her warm through the night.

As soon as she had finished at their house, the three siblings headed out into the dark night. Everly lived three houses down from Hope and Hope's grandmother lived five houses further down from Everly’s. They were packed in tight in the north end of town. The houses were small and utilitarian, slim two-foot wide alleys running between each home. Hope opened the door to her grandmother's house and pulled the kids inside, locking the door behind her.

"Granny!" Hope yelled out as she walked in the living room and headed toward the kitchen.

"Hi, Granny!" Sarah squealed as she ran to give her grandmother a hug where she was sitting in a chair by the fire. Granny's house was smaller than Hope's. There was just one bedroom and a small living room.

"I'm going out tonight, Granny, I brought Sarah and Tommy to stay with you!" Hope said cheerfully as she started to unload the goodies.

She threw a few extra logs on the fire and stacked a pile nearby for Thomas to use overnight to keep it going.

"Mary is passed out again, is she?" Granny asked wisely, giving her grandkids a giant hug.

"Yes, sorry, Granny, do you mind watching them? I promised Everly I would go out-," Hope's voice trailed off and Granny smiled knowingly.

"Of course, they are welcome anytime! You deserve a break, Hope. Have fun, tell Everly hi from me and tell her I'll make ginger snaps next week when I'm back on my feet," Granny said with a smile.

"Thanks, Granny, I'll be back for them around 6 tomorrow morning to get ready for school," Hope kissed Granny's cheek and went to the door. “Don’t forget to take your pills tonight, the pharmacist said they should start working in a few days to get rid of that cough.”

Granny nodded with a small laugh, “Yes, Hope, I’ll be fine. I’m not a child.”

"I know,” Hope replied with a cringe as she pecked a kiss on Granny’s cheek. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to patronize."

"It's hard not to after looking after your mother all the time," Granny said knowingly as she gave Hope a soft smile.

Hope nodded in agreement and turned to talk to her brother. "Tommy, I'm going to lock the door behind me, you need to remember to put logs on the fire when it's getting low, but don't put them all on at once-."

"I know! I know! You'd think I was an i***t or something the way you talk to me," he said with an attitude.

"Love you too, twerp," Hope said and kissed his head.

"Be good for Granny, Sarah, like you always are." She kissed Sarah's head, too. After giving them a wave, she shut the door and locked it behind her before she turned in the cold November night and rushed back toward Everly's house, a pot of soup in tow.

She knocked on Everly's door and gasped in surprise when Ben opened it.

"Hi, Ben!" Hope said kindly as she walked into the kitchen and started serving soup to Charlotte and Lucas, Everly's siblings.

"Is that Hope?!" Everly's voice called out from the back room.

"I'm here, lovely," Hope replied with a smile.

Everly danced into the room with a grin. As she looked Hope over from head to toe, her smile faltered.

"That's not going to do," she grabbed Hope's hand and drug her back to her room, tossing clothes at her as she went.

"Put those on!" She said as she pushed Hope toward the washroom. Hope changed, more to avoid a fight than out of a desire to change. Once she had shimmied the tight pants on and tied the strings for the barely-there shirt, she looked down at herself in shock.

"Everly, I'm not wearing this!" Hope said in protest.

"Of course you are! Freddie's going to be there tonight, he will love that on you!" Everly wiggled her eyebrows in anticipation as she giggled at Hope.

"Of for heaven's sake, I'm half naked," Hope said looking down at the barely-there tank showing her midriff and the tight jeans, leaving nothing to the imagination.

"That's the point, obviously," Everly grinned. "Besides, tonight may be the night you let go of that V card you've been holding on to so tightly."

"You’ve let go of yours?" Hope whispered in astonishment. "Who? When? Ben?"

"Yes, Ben, and it was last week. He has an in with the Marcherelli's and he's going to start working for their family next month," Everly whispered to Hope as she finished fluffing Hope's hair and adding lipstick to her own lips.

"The Marcherelli's?" Hope said in astonishment.

Everly nodded and smiled wickedly, "I think he might propose soon, too."

"What will happen to Charlotte and Lucas when you live with Ben?" Hope asked, knowing the two kids would be lost without Everly taking care of them.

"I don't know, they'd have to come with me, but Ben isn't a big fan of kids. I'd imagine I'd keep them here and bring food by as often as I could. Auntie Hilda would be able to watch them enough, I think. I don't want to talk about that now," Everly changed the subject and Hope pondered the kids' futures.

"They'll come to my house, Everly, ok?" Hope said firmly. "I'll make sure they're taken care of. I know Ben isn't a big fan of kids, but I'll watch them, you know that."

"Thanks, Hope," Everly smiled at Hope and gave her a hug. "Now, let's get going!"

She pulled Hope down the hall toward the kitchen.

“Eat first!” Hope ordered, knowing that once liquor hit Everly’s stomach, she would be wasted if she didn’t first have food. Hope didn’t drink often, but she had been around Everly enough to know that food was a necessity.

“Yes, mother,” Everly said sarcastically as she smiled back at Hope. Hope smiled in return. They took bowls out of the cabinet and the family ate as Hope washed the kitchen. Ben sat at the table, eating next to Everly, his gaze taking in Hope’s outfit.

“You look good in that,” he said to Hope before he took another bite.

“You think? It feels bare,” Hope replied as she looked down at her clothes, borrowed from Everly.

“Freddie will be a fan,” Ben smirked as he watched Hope’s face redden.

“He’s coming?” she asked, trying to sound nonchalant, her face giving her away.

“Yeah, he’ll be there. He got a job with Callum Marcherelli last week. He’s going to be working the back room at the den tonight. He will be glad to see you,” Ben smirked at Hope as he watched her turn toward Everly in confusion.

Everly nudged Ben and shook her head subtly before she turned to Hope and smiled. “You don’t have to go to the back room, it’s just a separate part of the den. Most of us stay in the big room out front.”

“Freddie is definitely going to want to take you to the back room if you’re going to show up wearing that,” Ben snorted as he gave Everly a look. She glared back at him as Hope watched the exchange in bewilderment.

“I think I’ll just stay with Everly tonight,” Hope said softly as she finished cleaning the dishes and putting them away.

“You can try,” Ben laughed as he stood and pulled Everly close to him, pressing her hips against his groin as he gave her a quick kiss. Everly blushed before turning to her siblings.

“Char, Luke, you guys need to listen to Auntie Hilda. She’s going to be in charge tonight. I’ll be home in the morning to see you off to school. Be good, brush your teeth and go to bed on time,” Everly said as she kissed each child’s head and put her coat on. She turned to Ben and Hope, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Time to go?” Hope asked, her face reflecting her trepidation.

“Time to go!” Ben said firmly as he grabbed Everly’s hand and led the way to the door.

Hope's heart raced as she followed after Everly and Ben, pulling her coat closer to stave off the bitter cold.

Just like that, they were off to the den.