Chapter 003
1145 Words
A Heart at War
"I cannot keep acting with you."
Her voice shook, grief and wrath twisted together. She did not withdraw, though, even when my hands tightened around her arms to hold her near.
"Doing what, Aria?" Frustration bubbled inside me, my words came out more harshly than I had meant. "What am I doing that makes you so darn angry?"
She raised her emerald eyes ablaze with rage at me. You push me away, then keep saving me. You refuse me, yet you won't let me leave. From me, what do you need?
I had everything I could wish for. Her laughing, her smile, her friendliness. But I was unable to have it. Not without running her life into danger. Not without allowing control to slip.
I let her go and made myself back off as well. "I don't want anything from you."
Her face sank, pain flaring in her eyes, then she rapidly covered it with wrath. Liar.
She turned to go, and I started to panic. I stretched out and grabbed her wrist. "Wait," I said.
Her back to me was frozen, her body rigid. The hurt I inflicted was radiating off her, the tension. It shook me.
"I never intended to treat you badly." Though weak and hollow, the words were the only reality I knew. "I pondered..." This seemed like a better arrangement.
She laughed bitterly and eventually turned toward me. " Better for whom? You broke Damian, dear. When you turned me aside, you broke me. And just now you still appear to be confounding me. Why can't you simply leave me alone?
Her suffering sliced over me like a knife, my chest constricted. I couldn't distance myself though. I tried, but I couldn't quit watching over and defending her.
"I cannot leave you by yourself." My voice stopped, then the truth started to leak out before I could stop. I can't stop loving you, so I can't...
Her eyes opened and horror froze her still. Then, why did you turn me down?
We held the weighty and stifling question between us. I wanted to tell her everything, to expose the anxiety holding me from taking her. Still, the words would not flow.
One would not comprehend. That was the cowardly response, and I loathed myself for it.
Tears were streaming in her eyes, she shook her head. You have no faith in me. You never did.
"That's false!" Raw and desperate, the wrath erupted. I trust you more than anybody. But this is unique.
She crossed her arms, her chin up sharply. Then go over it with me. Let me understand.
I opened my lips, but the words would not come out. Tell her, my wolf was a monster, not human. Was I a hazard to her? Is that claiming her would simply ruin her?
Her face dropped as the quiet persisted. She retreated, the gulf between us growing. That's what I thought.
She turned to go, and my heart seized with terror. "Aria, stop!"
She was already leaving, though, with rigid shoulders and a high head. She was sobbing, as I knew. I sensed the salt of her tears and heard her delicate, fractured gasps.
My body screamed to follow her, to grasp her and never let go. I moved to do so. I stopped, though, my feet anchored to the earth.
If I pursued her, I would simply have harmed her more. Keeping her near would damage her. Like I wrecked everything I came into contact with.
My hands closed into fists, the beast inside screaming in rage. He craved her. He called for her. Nevertheless, he would ruin her.
I closed my eyes, driving the beast back, thereby burying the suffering deep inside. This turned out to be better. Better still than risking losing control is to let her despise me.
As I watched her go, the chilly night air was piercing through my clothes. Dark; the woodland shadows stretched long and frightening.
A deep snarl from the woods chilled my blood. My senses sharpened, and my body grew stiff.
I smelled it, harsh and nasty. Rogues.
Watching and waiting they were watching. Their eyes were on me, their desire clear in the air. She was sought after. She has been under hunt for weeks.
My blood surged, wrath and dread slamming together. I forbade their touching of her. Not would.
I stepped forward, my wolf straining to the surface, already altering my body. But a shadow falling from the woods landed behind her before I could get going.
My heart came to a standstill. "Aria!!"
Her eyes widened as the renegade leaped towards her, its claws shining in the moonlight, she whirled around.
My body moved midway through the leap before I could think. My muscles stretched, and black hair covered my body as my bones cracked and rebuilt.
Our bodies fell to the ground as I crashed into the renegade. Its claws ripped over my shoulder, agony flashing white-hot. Still, I continued. I could not.
Feeling the bone break under my jaw, I buried my teeth into its neck. Its body collapsed to the ground, strangled before turning limp.
I turned and fixed Aria squarely. Her eyes wide, her body shaking, she was standing transfixed. She stared at me, at the blood coating my fur, and I sensed her terror.
Panic of me.
My heart broke as my chest constricted. I wanted to go to soothe her, to reassure her she was safe. However, I couldn't. Not as desired.
My body quivering, I stepped back. She moved forward, her hand stretching out. Damian?
I stopped, my wolf crying in agony. She was knowledgeable. She had seen me change. She has witnessed the monster I was.
Her eyes went wide with disbelief, she moved still another step. You are... You're a...
My body responding on instinct, I turned and sprinted. I was not able to stay. She could not see me in this state.
Her voice was anguished and fractured. I could hear her shouting my name. Still, I did not stop. I turned around, not looking back.
Should I do that, I would never be able to abandon her once more.
I ran till my legs gave out, till my lungs burned, and my body dropped to the earth. Laying there, my heart broke, and my fur matted with blood.
I have shielded her. I had kept her life intact. She had, however, glimpsed the beast within me. The truth was known to her now.
She would never look at me the same way once more.
Her voice carried on the howling wind through the woods. She was calling my name, and I could still sense her agony.
I closed my eyes and the gloom crept in. I had lost her but had preserved her.
Moreover, there was no getting her back.
- Writer
