Bride Of The Beast

Acceptance

Moments after Denis left my room, I started doubting myself. Was I doing the right thing? Helping Eilís wouldn't backfire, right? I’d never know if I didn't try.

I jumped on the bed and sighed, staring at the door. I finally accepted that Eilís wasn't sleeping here tonight.

I laid my head on the pillow. I couldn't just start approaching people for information; I needed to be smart about it. Then, I remembered the book Mirabel had left about our ancestors.

I crawled to the edge of the bed and reached for my bag, pulling out the heavy, leather-bound book. I sat back on the mattress, resting the spine against my thighs.

I flipped it open and began reading the list of names. I recognized none—I didn't even think these family lines existed anymore.

I flipped the page again and my eyes snagged on a name I knew.

Marilyn Octavia.

It couldn't be Lady Marilyn, right? We couldn't be family; she was as much a wolf as Eilís. I shrugged. People can share the same name, but it wouldn't hurt to know if we really were related.

I flipped more pages and almost threw the book in annoyance. There was practically nothing useful. I attempted to put it back but stopped when I noticed a page sticking out.

I opened the book to that specific page and gasped. It was a sketch of a woman who looked exactly like a portrait I’d seen in the hallway near my quarters, but younger. Next to her image was a handwritten note:

“The blood of the North runs through many veins, even those that have forgotten how to howl.”

What did that mean? I tried to search for her name, but there was nothing in the entry. I closed the book. Denis would know.

I put the book away and finally laid down for some much-needed sleep. I was just in the throes of drifting off when I heard the door open. I sat up and saw Eilís standing just outside the bedroom, staring at nothing.

“Come sleep,” I whispered. His eyes darted to mine.

“Go to sleep, I'll join you later.” He fisted his hand, refusing to take the final step into the room.

“I know what happened last night,” I said. He flinched, his eyes widening before his expression turned stony again. “I let you do it. Don’t beat yourself up. We can just pretend it never happened.”

Wow, I really was the ultimate hypocrite. I sounded so forgiving, like I hadn't been an active participant in that moment myself.

“What if it repeats itself?” he asked, his eyes narrowing. “Aren't you scared I'll go further?”

“Are you actively trying to make me scared of you?” I returned.

“You should be.”

“I am, but not enough. So come to bed and sleep.”

“You're not doing this out of some twisted sense of guilt, right?” he said as he finally walked in.

I smiled for good measure. “Believe me, I don't do anything out of guilt.”

He grinned, and my chest did a weird thud. “I beg to differ.”

He took off his outer garments and laid on the bed, shifting to the far corner so we weren't touching at all.

“You can hold me if you want,” I said. I was immediately shocked at myself.

Apparently, I was on a roll tonight, having lost my sense of reasoning.

Eilís looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Are you feeling alright?”

“It's fine. I'm giving you permission. You can release your hold on the bond, too.”

Eilís sat up. “Are you sure it's not because you're feeling guilty? Releasing my hold on the bond is stupid. It'll make it harder for me to hold it back again later.”

“Then stop holding it back. We're stuck together for life either way, right? Unless one of us dies, we're stuck.”

“Did Denis feed you something?”

I scoffed, rolling onto my side to face him. “No. I’m just tired of us pretending we aren't sharing the same air. If we’re stuck in this mess, we might as well stop making it harder than it needs to be.”

“You realize the bond can make you feel things you're not actually feeling? I could make you do things you normally wouldn't.”

“I'm pretty sure that's a lie. I read a book about the mate bond in the library.” I stared him down. “It only enhances what's already there.”

Eilís went silent, searching my eyes for a lie. He let out a long breath and finally moved, closing the distance between us.

“What about the Wolf? You aren't scared of him, too?” he whispered.

My throat closed up at the memory of the wolf, but I forced it down. “I believe you're two different people.”

“But I'm still the same person,” he argued.

“I'm not changing my mind. Let me help you ease the burden. Don't suffer it alone, please.”

“You've made up your mind?”

“Yes,” I answered without hesitation.

He sighed. “You're my mate. I can't say no to you. Please don't regret this.”

Eilís took a deep breath and closed his eyes. I felt it the moment he lowered the mental barrier; it was like a dam slowly opening.

A wave of heat washed over me, followed by a sharp ache in my chest that wasn't mine. I felt his exhaustion, a bone-weariness that made me want to pull him down into the pillows. Under that was something else—a fierce, hungry possessiveness.

It wasn't scary. It felt like being wrapped in a heavy fur cloak in the middle of a blizzard.

He turned toward me, his expression softening into a vulnerability I had never seen. "Is it too much?"

"No," I replied, my heart thudding. "It's just... a lot."

He finally laid back down, but he didn't stay in the corner. He slid closer until his chest was inches from mine. Tentatively, he wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me into his heat. I rested my head against his chest, listening to the powerful rhythm of his heart. The bond was humming, a low vibration that made every nerve feel alive.

"Raven?" he murmured into my hair.

"Yeah?"

"Don't make me regret this."

"I won't," I promised, closing my eyes. I had a feeling that tomorrow, once whatever gave me this courage was gone, things were going to get a lot more complicated.