A Lover and A Liar

Worth It?

Instead of running away to think, as Julian had planned before he left his mate on his work-room and joined his Council meeting, he decided to go back and deal with whatever his future held for him right in the moment. Perhaps it was the rush of courage he got while he put that old men in his place, but it was for the better.

He had to face her.

And as Julian had expected she was still in the same room, sitting down at the edge of his working table as her fingers brushed the dagger he had almost finished decorating.

"It's really beautiful," Katherine told him with a small smile on her face. "Is it a gift for me? A little bit odd as a pregnancy gift, but I'll accept it. I'll accept anything that comes from you."

If Julian didn't feel guilty enough already, Katherine added more to it as if with magic. Not only because as always, she was just almost obsessed with him, but because the dagger wasn't for her in the first place.

"Katherine, we have to talk." Julian didn't let the guilt blind him this time. "And it's serious."

"Is it about the baby?" She gave him her big brown eyes. "Aren't you happy we're finally going to have our pup? You're going to have your heir, we can be a proper family and I can be your Queen―"

"Stop." He raised the palm of his hand as a sign for her to stop talking, and she obliged immediately. She always did. And he had always found it strange. His fated mate was supposed to be his equal, and he wasn't supposed to have this kind of power over her. "Can you start telling me how you are pregnant in the first place?" Keeping his voice low, he kept looking her firmly in the eye, showing how serious he was. "Because the last time we slept together was almost one month ago." Julian remembered it clearly; one day before Alina's arrival. Since he had first seen her, there was absolutely no way he could touch his mate intimately afterwards. "And if it was that night, you would have shown already."

Katherine looked suddenly hurt by his accusations, her lips trembling just slightly. Julian didn't feel the urge to get her in his arms and put a smile on her face, not like he had it when it came to Alina. And just picturing her finding out about the news almost made him sick.

She would hate him.

"Are you accusing me of sleeping with someone else?!" Her voice showed just how hurt she was feeling. "When I love you this much? When everything I do it's about you?"

Strangely, Julian hadn't doubted it even for a second. Different from him apparently, Katherine would never cheat. For this, Julian was sure just like he was for the fact that his wolf was broken in the head.

His wolf growled threateningly as a response, but Julian didn't mind.

"No." He shook his head. "I'm not accusing you of such thing."

"It wasn't that night," Katherine admitted, her voice almost sad. "It was a few nights ago, the last time you slept with me."

His eyes narrowed, Julian couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I have not slept you a few nights ago, Katherine," he said, his voice firm and secure. "What the hell are you talking about?"

A few tears dropped on her cheeks, and even this time he felt nothing. "Are you for real?" she cried out. "Don't you remember? Were you really that drunk?" Katherine made a few steps forward. "You wanted to sleep with me! I told you it was not a good time, but you were so adamant about it. And I missed you so much..."

He tried his best to recall it, to think of anything that would indicate what Katherine was talking about, but all he remembered was a deep headache, falling asleep and dreaming of Alina. Was that dream...?

"You should believe me!" Now she was hysterically crying. "That night meant the world to me, Julian. I cannot believe I mean so little to you that you don't even remember making love to me! This baby here is created from it. How can we mean this little to you?"

Julian closed his eyes, his hand running through his hair and gripping them almost on reflect. How could he not remember? Why?

He wouldn't have slept with her. He wouldn't have, unless... unless he had been that drunk that he thought she was Alina. Unless that was not a dream at all...

Bring me the midwife, he ordered his personal guard through their personal mind-link. "You're organizing a ball tonight to announce the pregnancy." It was stating a fact, not really a question. "And somehow even my guests know but I don't."

She wiped on her tears. "Don't blame me for thinking you'd be happy to have your pup, Julian. Every wolf would."

It stung, but perhaps it did because of how true it was.

The knock on the door saved him from giving an answer to that.

"Come in," he said, and Katherine gasped when she saw the midwife at the door, bowing to them both.

"Really?" she demanded, the disappointment and hurt on her voice making him somehow feel even guiltier. "Have we really came to this?"

He didn't answer to her. At least he had to make sure this was not a lie Katherine had pulled just to make him mark her and make her his Queen. Julian was afraid she could be capable of that as well.

"Madam Dinah," he greeted. "Come inside, please." She did as she was ordered, standing in front of both of them. Her eyes met with Katherine's just once before she looked down. "When did you check on Lady Katherine, Madam?"

For some reason, the she-wolf kept her eyes on the floor still, but Julian blamed it on the rank she had. "This morning, my King," she responded in a small voice.

His heart almost stopped at that answer. "And what were the results?" Julian asked, a big part of him hoping, almost wishing it was all a big lie. He didn't know how he was capable of wishing something like his mate not being actually pregnant, but he was.

"The Lady is for sure pregnant, Your Highness." Her voice trembled just slightly. She didn't look him in the eye. "Just a few days pregnant. She took the potion that proves it, I can show it to you."

His eyes closed.

This changed so much. So so much. Every stupid foolish selfish little dream he had about her.

Her.

His Alina.

No, she was never going to be his. If he had to be a father, he would be a damn good one. He would be different from his own father, and that did not, in any of the scenarios, include him choosing another woman above his mate, his child's mother.

His father had done that. He had chosen another woman and not his mate. Out of power instead of love, but maybe it wasn't that different. It was just as selfish, if not more.

He let out a deep breath. "That will not be necessary," he said. "You can go now."

A few tortuously long seconds passed by before any of them said any word. Julian expected her to shout, yell at him, but instead she crossed the small distance in between them and stood right in front of him, cupping his face.

Her lips kissed his softly despite the fact he didn't kiss her back. He thought maybe the kiss would ignite something, a kind of memory to the supposed night they had spent together, but it gave away absolutely nothing.

Somehow Katherine was pregnant and he didn't remember ever touching her.

The promise he had made to Alina flashed to his mind. It wasn't one said in words but it was a promise anyway. He had told her he couldn't get pregnant someone he couldn't touch. And somehow it felt like he had betrayed her.

His wolf felt miserable inside.

"Everything will be alright, my love," she said softly, trying to kiss him again, to touch him, to start something, but Julian pushed her away gently but firmly, making a step back.

Once more, she looked sad. Almost desperate.

"I have somewhere to be," Julian said, not adding anything more as he reached the door.

"The ball will happen, you want it or not!" she protested. "People should celebrate about their heir tonight."

He didn't find the power to answer. Removing his coat and throwing it to the floor, he shifted smoothly to his wolf, tearing apart the rest of his clothes and ran out of his castle, despite the strange looks his gossiping servants gave him.

Letting his wolf completely in control, he ran freely through the woods, soon leaving his Court behind, and only now he managed to somehow breathe again. All of this was suffocating. The wolf let out a loud howl to the sky, even though the moon wasn't out yet.

With the destination on his head, he didn't shift back to his human form until he was in front of the small cottage in the woods, and when he did, he knocked in there softly.

The door was soon opened by an old grey-haired man he remembered too well since he was a kid.

"Your Majesty." He attempted to bow just as much as his old bones let him, but Julian stopped him immediately.

"Uncle, you don't have to do that," Julian said. 

Uncle Isaac was not really his uncle, of course, but Julian respected him just as one. Once when Julian had been just a small kid, Isaac had been one of the elders of their pack, and the wisest one. Until he disagreed about lots of things with Robert, and the previous King got him out of his Council without thinking twice.

Welcoming him inside, Uncle Isaac offered him a robe to cover himself.

"What brings you here, pup?" The endearment would have made Julian grimace and protest if only he would be in the mood for that. "It looks serious," he added while sitting down on the sofa in front of Julian.

Julian let out a deep sigh. "I have been wanting... to ask you something," he said. "And it's a delicate topic."

Uncle Isaac nodded just once. "You can ask me about anything, I would be happy to help."

He took a few other seconds to find the courage to make the question. "Let's say there is... a really high-ranked wolf." There was no reaction from Uncle Isaac but something told Julian the old man already knew he was talking about himself. "Is there any possibility for him to have... a second chance mate... while having the first mate in his life? Unmarked?"

Isaac hid his surprise as best as he could, but his white brows still rose a little bit. He thought of the answer for a few seconds, before shaking his head. "I have never heard of it," he admitted. "Low or high-ranked, it doesn't make a difference. A wolf's soul is bond to one and only one wolf by the Moon Goddess herself. If he has a second-chance, it's only because he deserves one, and only after the first has died, or rejected him fully. But he cannot, under any circumstance, have two mates at the same time."

This was something Julian knew well, but there had been the smallest of hopes in his head that maybe he could find any sort of answer that made sense here, in this wise old man's cottage. Instead, he was met with a wall again.

What kind of anomaly was this then, if there was no bond between them? Why did his whole body and heart crave her this much?

"This is not the answer you were waiting for, I see," Isaac added. "If there is a friend you want to talk to, I'm right here, pup. Older, but here."

Julian chuckled sadly. "I don't know what to do," he said it like Uncle Isaac had any idea what he was actually going through. Yet without words, it looked like he did.

"What does your heart tell you?"

Julian wasn't sure, but it felt like even his heartbeats sang her name. Alina. 

"Does it matter?" he questioned. "A King has every other privilege except following his heart."

The elder kept silent at first. "But is it worth it? That's what you should be asking yourself. Is it worth it? Choosing what you think is right, what people expect of you instead of what your heart desires?"

Julian was torn.

Was it worth it?