So What If I'm in Senior High School?

Coping Mechanisms

When you lose someone you love, it seems as though the pain and sadness you feel have no end. It can be one of the most difficult experiences you can have. But it doesn't necessarily mean that there is no hope. There will always be ways in which you can find comfort in the midst of pain.

A lot of experts have said that connecting with others is one of the most effective ways of coping with loss. Even though it seems that we'd want to isolate ourselves during this hard time, it is advisable to open up to others and ask support from those who care and love you.

That's why I'm about to head over Ross's place right now. Gabriel and his girlfriend, Angel, had just broken up. I have no idea why or what happened but all I know is, we have to be there for Gabriel. I felt like s**t earlier because of how things are with my girlfriend so I'm pretty sure he's feeling much worse. He needs us, and so we'll be there for him too.

Besides... I did feel a bit better after talking to a certain someone a while ago.

"Ma, I'm gonna go to Ross's now," I say as I come down the stairs. My mom is by our dining table and I walk over to her to say goodbye.

"Seth, don't drink too much. Got it? If you do, just sleep at Ross's. You can come home tomorrow morning when you feel better," Mom says.

My eyes soften. I nod my head slowly and give my mom a smile. "I'll have Ross hide my car keys when I've had too much."

She nods her head. "Good."

"Bye, ma." I give her a quick hug and head for the door. Before leaving, I look back. There's a big wooden bookshelf in our living room filled with photos and frames. In the center shelf stands a huge photo of my family. Everyone looks so happy— My mom, dad, older sister, me, and my older brother, Sean.

Sean, I can't believe it's already been three long months. It still feels as though you were here with us just yesterday.

I sigh and shake my head. My eyes shift from our family portrait to Sean's solo photo. He's smiling in his college uniform. I smile softly. "Come on, don't look at me like that. I promise I won't drive if I've drank too much." I wave my hand at him before opening the door. "See you around, bro."

I head directly to our car and drive to Ross's house. The drive is quiet except for some music playing on the radio. It's playing Whiz Khalifa's See you Again and chuckle softly. What are you trying to tell me this time, Universe? Maybe you should calm down for a bit. This day has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride. So if you have any other events planned for me today, could you move it to another date? I kind of want to chill now.

When I finally reach my destination, I could hear my friends' voices. Looks like they've started without me. I better hurry up then. I head to the front door and ring the doorbell. Not a moment too late, Ross answers the door.

"About time you got here, man," Ross says. I shrug. He puts his arm on my shoulder and we both walk to their backyard. The moment we get there, our friends look at us. They're all huddled in a circle, a table in the middle with bottles of beer and cups filled with ice. I join in and take a seat.

"Seth!" Joshua says.

"Yooo. What took you so long?" Ed asks, a sheepish smile on his face.

I chuckle at his face. "Had dinner late. Where's Gab?"

"Went to take a piss with Vincent. He's a mess, dude. I can't even describe the way he's been acting tonight. But before I go into details," Ed says as he grabs a cup from the table and offers it to me. "Have a shot."

I roll my eyes, a smile on my face. "Fine." I take the cup from Ed's hand and gulp down the contents. I feel a bit of warmth develop at the pit of my stomach and my chest. Nothing like a good ol' beer to make you feel all warm and fuzzy. I look at Ed. "Well?"

Ed's smile fades, and his expression relaxes. "Well, it seems like Angel can't handle a long distance relationship."

I c**k a brow, reaching for a bottle of beer and refilling my cup. "Huh? All of a sudden?"

"That's what I was thinking too!" Ed opens his palms and throws them in the air. "Like, after all this time, after all the effort Gab's made for their relationship, Angel suddenly says she doesn't want to fight for it. Don't you think it's weird?"

I nod my head and take a sip of my drink. "It doesn't make sense. It's not like Gab hasn't been trying to make her happy. Didn't they just have their anniversary last month?"

"Mhmm. Damn, right." Ed crosses his arms and rests his back on his seat. "Gab hasn't said anything yet but I feel that there's much more than just," he says as he makes air quotes with his fingers, "not being able to handle a long distance relationship."

"I guess." I scratch my head. Somehow, I don't like where this conversation is going. "What do you suppose actually happened?"

"Angel went to that trip to Cebu with Sienna the other time, right?" Ed asks.

My lips go crooked and I tighten my grip on the cup I'm holding. "Yeah. What about it?"

"And they went partying, right?" Ed looks at me real quick, shrugs and then looks away. I narrow my eyes, my lips turn upside down. Yeah, I definitely do not like where this conversation is going.

"What are you trying to say?" I ask. As Ed talks, I take a drink from my cup once more.

"I'm not trying to say anything," Ed chirps. "But think about it, Seth. A couple of pretty girls partying in Cebu by themselves. They're bound to meet different kinds of people."

I cough, almost spilling my drink. Swear I could feel some of the ice cold beer drip on my shirt. Mom is going to kill me for that later. What do you mean by 'meet different kinds of people?' I-is he trying to say that Angel left Gab for some random guy in Cebu? There's no way that could have happened.

But then again, the possibility of that happening could be likely. I mean sure, Gab is a great guy and all but guys from the Queen of the South (Another name for Cebu) are on a whole new level. They'd make Gab look like Justin Bieber from his Baby Era.

I shake my head.

The hell am I saying? Angel wouldn't do that to Gab even if she did find hot guys in a party. This is Gabriel we are talking about! He's a pretty solid guy. Angel would never have it in her to hurt such a good guy.

And moreover, Sienna who was with her the whole time in Cebu...

My eyes soften. After going on that trip in Cebu, Sienna was super cold. She still is. Is it possible that maybe Sienna might have found someone more interesting than me? No. I'm probably just paranoid. Besides, even if she did meet other guys there, she would never do anything that would hurt me. At least not in a dishonest way.

...right, babe?

I get back to reality when I hear my friends cheering. Gab and Vincent are back and I could see Gab is a mess. His eyes are swollen as f**k, his shirt has spilled beer on it, and his hair looks a lot worse than stupid bed hair. What a wreck. Poor guy.

I move next to Gab and put my arm on his shoulder. "How you holdin' up, man?"

Gab sighs. "s**t. It's eleven-thirty but I already have beer stains," his voice sounds hoarse as he speaks. I give him a pat on the back and nod my head. No one would blame you, man.

I take my arm off Gab and his shoulders drop as he lets out another big sigh. He rubs his forehead, eyes on the ground. I take a cup from the table and hand it to Gabriel. He drinks.

"Thanks, Seth." Gabriel puts his cup on the table.

Ross decides to join in, sitting beside Gab. He gives him a pat on the back before grabbing a cup. "We're here for you, man."

Gab nods his head, a weak smile on his lips.

"Yup. We got your back, with or without a girlfriend," I add. A soft chuckle comes out from Gabriel's lips. He's smiling a bit, and I couldn't help but smile as well. "So, wanna tell us what happened?"

"Yeah, that would be nice," Gab says.

"Alright." Ross stands up. "Bros, let's take this moment to be silent and listen to Gab. He needs our ears."

Everyone agrees, fixing themselves in their seats and putting beer in their cups. I do the same. Gabriel takes a deep breath, his eyes look heavy as heck.

"It all started when—" Gabriel began, and we all huddle up to listen to his story. The night goes by fast as Gabriel's story. It starts off sad and hurting. Gabriel's crying hard while telling details of what really happened between him and Angel— how everything was exciting and happy when they first started dating, how smooth things went through the first two months, how they began to notice their differences and how irritating the other can be, and how all the smallest mistakes pile up into something that can't be fixed without you even noticing.

Ed was right.

"Do you know the guy?" Vincent asks.

Gabriel sniffles, his nose, d eye bags all red and puffy. "We're not acquainted, but I hear he's a guy from South Timber Academy. He's really loaded, good-looking, smart, responsible, and is going to the same university Angel is aiming for in Cebu. I have nothing to compete with."

Angel did find someone else.

Right now I'm supposed to set aside my own selfish needs and be there for Gab. But the more I think about what Angel did, the more paranoid I get about my own situation with Sienna. Listening to Gabriel wallowing in self-pity is not helping either. In fact, I feel like doing the same. God damn. What does a small city boy like me have against those pretty fuckboys from Cebu? Zero! I'm fighting a losing battle here.

I took several shots. I knew it wasn't a good idea to drown down an unending number of beer, but I couldn't stop myself. As much as I wanted to be there for Gab, I couldn't do it anymore. All I want to do now is drown in my misery— or at least drown in Red Horse.

I am just so lost that getting drunk seems to be the best idea my brain could come up with. A few shots in and everything's all hazy now. My vision is becoming blurry, Gabriel is down on the floor, asleep from not so much the crying but more on the alcohol, Vincent and Joshua are laughing like they're high, Ross is silent as f**k while trying to keep his head up, and Ed is just there, gulping more beers in his mouth.

My head is on the table, eyes barely open and breath scented with alcohol. I took my phone out from my pocket and open f*******: Messenger. My data is on, and yet there were no new messages or notifications from Sienna. I check our chat box in case I missed any messages from her. Nope. I swipe up, hoping the refresh function would help ease my misery. Nope.

No new messages.

"You don't really care about me, do you, babe?" I murmur to myself. My fingers are slippery, sliding through my phone. I press back and scroll down in search of Sean’s name. When nothing else made sense in the world, Sean always knew how to kick some sense back.

I see it and click open his chat box. He’s not online. All that’s there are several blue chat bubbles.

“Not… not you too, Sean! Come on! Am I... Am I really that un-replyable?” I whine, my head still intact with the table. “Everyone is so f*****g mean to me. What did I do to deserve this, Sean?”

Then, my eyes brighten for a moment. Wait a f*****g minute. Sean is dead. My brother isn’t here anymore. f**k.

I squint my eyes. It suddenly stings. My chest is also heavy as if I’m carrying something. I grab my cup, tilt it over to my mouth. Unfortunately, I was dumb enough to do that. Beer showers all over my face. My glasses are soaking wet and filled with droplets of beer. f**k.

But I don’t care. I lick my lips, tasting the flavor of alcohol. I add more beer to my cup. This time I try my best to sit up, and successfully drown beer in my mouth. After taking a drink, I let out a loud and deep breath.

I get back to my phone once more. It didn’t really matter if I send Sean another message. He wasn’t going to reply. There’s no way he could ever reply. It’s painful. It’s even more painful than Sienna ignoring my messages.

Sean was the best.

I sniffle and wipe my eyes. But it didn’t help. My eyes are hurting even more. Tears are suddenly flowing down from them. Fuckkk.

This time, I search for a different name on f*******: Messenger. Ms. Julianna’s. Without thinking, I type away my thoughts.

Me: Ma'aaaaaaam. Ma'am…. MA'AM! Huhuhuhu. Please console me. Fuckkkkk. My brother died. Huhuu ms. Juliannaaaa. Maam. Please,huhuhu I can’t take it anymore.

I put down my phone and start crying like an i***t. I just can’t do this anymore, Sean. Without realizing my own limits, I drank more and more beer until there was nothing more but darkness left in my vision.