You will be the death of me

Chapter One - The New Kid

Ordinarily the new kid wasn't a big deal, but this boy was different. I could feel it in my heart and soul.

My heart was pounding at the thought of seeing him again, my stomach filled with butterflies. What would I even say to him? I'm the school weirdo, I'm bullied by basically everyone outside my friendship group. The other kids here tease me and make fun of my hair, my teeth were also joked about often; these kids were good at putting me down. However, by this point I was used to it, I just never said anything. I get laughed at a lot, probably because I smelled like drugs and alcohol thanks to my mother.

Nobody at school knew what was happening at home, and my parents didn't know what was happening at school. Who could I talk to? I don't even know if I can trust my friends with all this info.

I pulled myself together and headed away from my locker, I turned left towards towards the inner school open area, we called it the quad, simply because it was a square. The quad was wedged inbetween the IT department and the maths corridor. A staff room is on another side and do was the Design and Technology Materials room. You could comfortably fit about 50 students here, but we usually had 20 max.

I walked to my friends, only a few of us were here. I sat down next to Emma, she was sitting quietly, but that was usual at the beginning of the day for her.

Emma then said that today she had to show around the new kid at school. She didn't really say much else but I knew exactly who she meant. My heart fluttered at the thought of him. How could I feel this way? I had never even met him. Yet I couldn't deny that I had a connection to him, I'll probably never understand it or why it was there.

After a few minutes our whole friendship group had turned up, Melony and Anna walked together, these two were my best friends in the whole world. They sat opposite me on the bench and our usual break time chatter began.

The topic of the day was the new kids. I learned the boys name was Damien and his younger brother was Joseph, seems all anyone knew was that they moved here from London with their mum. Why would anyone want to move to a shitty town like this?

When the bell rang we all dispersed and headed to our next 2 classes, for me it was science then PE. I hated both, good thing was that my friend sat next to me in science, I was at the end of the row closest to the door, which was located at the back of the room. I hated being so shy, I know that if anyone in class tried to talk to me I'd go bright red and then people would make fun of me for it. Sadly, teenagers were cruel, yet another reason my spiral into depression worsens with each passing day. Yet, nothing compared to an incident that happened last year at the schools singing competition; I managed to get into the finals, it was myself and 12 other students from all year groups. I didn't do the worst but I messed up so bad in the middle of my performance, I know people actually liked how it sounded but it was horrible for me, being on stage with 300 people witnessing you f**k up that badly, what made it worse was my school crush said to me openly and loudly that I f**k up at everything. That was when I realised how horrible and harsh he was, I never thought I was capable of hate until that moment, but it made me stronger for it I guess.

When I got to the science room the door was already open, our teacher, Mr. Jordan, was already at the front of the class preparing for the lesson, I wasn't the first to arrive but I quickly took my seat and moments later my friend Emma sat next to me, I was so glad I sat in the back corner, and glad for Emma's company. She was quiet like me, but she also aired her opinions when she felt they were needed. She had beautiful light brown hair and green eyes. Her face was covered in freckles and she sometimes wore glasses. She was fairly tiny though, I was about 5ft at this point and I towered over poor Emma. But she was an amazing friend, and actually really funny, always smiling. You wouldn't think her home life was that bad with how happy she looked, but that wasn't the case; life at home was difficult for many of my friendship group. I just seemed to be the one that didn't tell people what was going on, except Emma. She knew a lot, I felt like I had really been able to open up to her after she opened up to me a few weeks before Christmas. Now we are able to confide in one another, but I rarely burden her with my problems, she has enough going on.

I got my books from my bag and set them on the table, I kept my eyes low so I didn't have to look anyone in the eye as they entered class. Emma and I had a little chat about science but nothing interesting. We both fell silent again, we both seemed good at science, but geography was more her thing. I enjoyed our IT classes best, which I couldn't wait for at the end of the day; my fifth class today was IT core, I loved it. The classroom itself was basic, a square layout but a small corner off one edge that gave 4 lucky students extra privacy; I was the only student in that corner, when it came to IT I excelled, my teacher knew it too so he put me there to stop people copying my work.

After another moment I felt weird, then I looked to my left and I saw why. Damien was entering the classroom. He swiftly walked up to the front of the class and spoke to the teacher, who then guided him on where to sit, two rows ahead of me. I couldn't help but go bright red, Emma decided to point it out to me. I guess I went bright red because of the staring into each other's eyes that happened just 30 minutes earlier.

For the entire hour I kept my head down and just got on with my work, it wasn't anything difficult, simple biology; we were looking at osmosis of all things. Emma and I spoke a bit about our work today in class, but nothing more really. I felt like she knew something was going on with me, but if she knew anything she didn't say it. Thankfully, she knew when I needed to be in my own head and think things through. But, for the whole hour my eyes would wander back to one person, sitting two rows ahead of me. Why did I feel this connection with him, what did it even mean? Surely it wasn't love, and if it was then I knew it wasn't reciprocated; why or how could anyone love me? I had so many flaws and imperfections, I didn't even have a mirror in my room. The only one I used was in the bathroom, and even then I avoided looking into it as I hated how I looked.

When the bell rang for the end of class I grabbed my books and bolted out the door, shoving my books away as I left the room. I heard Emma sigh as I walked out, I guess she did know something was going on with me. I walked quickly to my locker to put my books away and grab my PE kit, it was in a simple carrier bag from Tesco, I locked my locker back up and quickly made my way across school to the changing rooms. I walked into the girls side and walked over to Melony and Anna, they were already changing so I started doing the same.

"Louise are you alright, you look really red?" Melony asked, she always was very caring.

"Yeah I'm fine, I was just walking really quickly to get here as my last class was on the other side of the school." I wasn't exactly lying, that was true, but how could I tell them I had a thing for the new guy, someone I hadn't even had a conversation with. I knew what it felt like to have a crush on someone but this felt like so much more. I can't find the words, it's just anticipation to meet him, to feel complete.

I got ready for PE, today it was raining as usual, so that meant dodge ball with the boys as well. I made my way to the gym with Melony and Anna, it was just behind the changing rooms so it was really easy to get there. I walked in and went to the girls side of the room, and I looked around which was a really bad idea. Sitting on the benches on the left side of the gym was Damien, along with a kid with a broken leg. The second I spotted him he looked up and stared back at me, I wanted to go over there and say hello, but it seems a bunch of people already tried, he just gave them short responses, eventually they left him alone, but he seemed so polite about it. He gave everyone a brilliant smile, but it didn't reach his eyes, but when his focus came back to me I felt my heart flutter again. I knew I had gone bright red again, and for a brief moment I thought I saw the edges of his mouth twitch into a smile, but it went quickly. I turned to my friends who had no idea what had just happened, and we all got on with our lesson. It was a long hour of running around, by the end of class everyone was giggling and having a good time, I didn't check to see if Damien was looking at me, I just headed back to the changing rooms, ready for lunch break.