The Wrong Number

Chapter - 20

                                                                                          ‘The desire’  

I kept hugging her until she stopped crying, it took her some time to get calm down completely. I could feel her warm breath on the side of my neck and her heart was throbbing against my chest. It wouldn’t be honest if I deny that I got a bit turned on while being in that position with her, but I had hell a lot of control over myself. I couldn’t take the advantage of her being in that state; I was not that kind of guy. After a while, she got a bit relaxed and we freed ourselves from that hug. There was an awkward silence between us; we both were stealing our eyes from each other. We didn’t say a single word for some time.

“What is your decision Sneha?” I asked her at last.

“I told you what I feel Sid, I don’t think I can explain it in some other way,” she replied.

“I don’t want to hurt you. You know that, don’t you?’ I asked.

“Yes I know, you are not the person who can hurt someone, at least not intentionally,” she replied. She knew a bit about me even when we had not talked at all. At that moment I felt that she was honest all the time, she really liked me.

“I really wish that we can continue our conversation, I want to know more about you,” I said.

“I too wish the same Sid but I can’t survive with the thought that I’m not the only person whom you are interested in, I am sorry,” she answered. Her voice again started shaking. She made me speechless. I wished I could do something to change her decision.

“I want to kiss you, Sid, it might be our goodbye kiss, I won’t bother you after that,” she said with the same trembling voice. We were staring into each other’s eyes; her eyes were alluring me toward her. I came closer to her, brushed her hair softly which were fallen on her face, moved those behind her ear, and slightly touched her face. She closed her eyes and her breathing became rapid, I felt a modest shiver in her body too. I took her face in both my hands, moved my face closer to her, and took a pause to stare at her face. Her eyes were still closed and her warm breath was falling on my face now. I slightly stroked my lips against hers, her body shuddered at once. I moved my face back to see her reaction, she didn’t open her eyes for a few seconds and when she opened it, I felt like she could drown my whole body in those eyes. She looked at me in the same way for a few seconds and then moved her face closer to mine and started kissing me passionately. For a moment my vision got blurred but when I came back into my senses I responded to her in the same passionate way. She laid me down on the sofa while we continuously kissing each other. She was on top of me now. We were kissing each other breathlessly with great fervor.

“Let’s go to your room,” she whispered in my ear. I looked into her eyes; the same boldness came back in those eyes, which was not there a few minutes ago.

“That won’t be a good idea Sneha,” I replied.

“Let the time decide that,” she answered with the smile on her face, the same smile I had seen yesterday. Was she pretending this whole time just to pull me toward her? I asked myself. She still was on top of me, I moved her aside, and adjusted myself on the sofa.

“Sneha, you know that nothing is going to happen between us the way you want,” I said while looking into her eyes.

“I’m not asking for anything. I have told you I would stop bothering you from now on, what else do you want me to do?” she asked. The smile I had seen before was wholly dissipated from her face; she was not pretending. I couldn’t find any word to say to her.

“I just wanted to feel you closely for the last time, that’s it,” she said and got up from the sofa.

“Are you leaving?” I asked with fret.

“Yes, I’m leaving Sid. I know that’s what you want. I don’t know why you have called me to your home in the first place, I guess just to hurt me more, right?” she said and started walking toward the front door. I got up in hurry and grabbed her hand to stop her. I didn’t want her to leave like that.

“Please don’t go,” I almost pleaded.

“Why? What reason can make me stop here?” she asked while turning back and looking at me. I pulled her toward me with a jerk, grasped her face in my hands, and started kissing her intensely; she didn’t defend. Her arms were around the back of my neck while my left hand was around her waist and the right one on her face. I felt that I could kiss her like that endlessly.

“Let’s go to my room,” this time I whispered in her ear. She didn’t say anything but I knew her answer. I took her hand in mine and went upstairs to my room. My room was a whole mess at that time, the bed was not made, books were scattered here and there. I felt a bit embarrassed while looking at that and regretted my own decision of taking her to my room. I looked at her, she was looking at the room then she looked back at me, and smiled.

“It’s okay, it happens,” she understood my discomfiture and said. I rushed into the room and started making my bed, this was the only thing I could do at that time. I was picking up the blanket from the bed when she came closer to me and seized my hand.

“Let it remain as it is, we might need it soon,” she murmured. I didn’t say anything and placed the blanket back. Suddenly she pushed me on the bed and sat on top of my thighs, she was quite light weighted. I didn’t know if I was ready for anything that was going to happen but I stopped thwarting her. Neha’s thought was continuously coming into my mind but Sneha’s presence was defeating it in some way. I was looking at her and she at me, there was no expression on her face but her eyes were divulging everything. She still was looking at me when her hand moved to the zip of her jacket and she started unzipping it. I was looking at her in astonishment. I still was in bewilderment and thinking if we were doing the right thing or if I was doing the right thing. She opened her jacket and threw it on the bed, she was wearing a black top underneath with quite thin straps, so thin that I could see the straps of her brassiere too, which too was black. She was looking seductive but I had to control myself. I tried to get up from the bed but she threw me back on it and laid her body on top of me.

“Sneha, I guess it is not right which we are doing,” I tried to move her aside but she was not letting me do that.

“We haven’t done anything yet, Sid,” she replied while looking into my eyes. I went silent and she again sat on top of me, this time on my stomach. She picked my hand which was laying aside of me, held it in her hand, and started moving it on her face. She stroked her lips with my fingers and then took my hand a little bit downwards to her neck, her body was warm, and I could feel it on the tips of my cold fingers. My heart started pounding in my chest as soon as she moved my hand lower on her body and it touched her breasts. Though I touched her breasts only for a few seconds yet I felt the firmness of them. I pulled my hand backward, moved her aside with all my strength, and sat on the bed. 

“What happened?” she asked in her low voice.

“Nothing, I’m just not ready for all of this Sneha,” I looked at her and said.

“Do you think I’m ready for all this? Do you think I have done this whole stuff with many guys and it’s not new for me?” she asked in fury.

“No, I haven’t said anything like that. It’s me, I’m not ready for this,” I repeated my words.

“You are thinking too much Sid, that’s it,” she replied while covering herself with the blanket. I guessed she started feeling a bit cold as she wasn’t wearing anything warm.

“Can’t we just talk?” I asked.

“I told you it’s the last time we are meeting then what the use of talking is?” she asked in return.

“I want to be your friend,” I said.

“I don’t Sid,” she replied. I again went silent.

“What do you want me to do then?” I asked helplessly while bowing my head.

“I just want you to come close to me,” she answered. I raised my head and look into her eyes, I so wanted to control myself but it was like my body was overpowering my command. I tried to think of Neha, our last night talk, the meeting that was going to happen in January. I thought if I would be able to tell her what had happened between me and Sneha, I guessed not.

“What are you thinking?” she asked and brought me back from my thoughts.

“Nothing,” I replied.

“Are you thinking of Neha?” she asked. How can she be right every time? How can she read my mind? I asked myself.

“No, I’m not,” I lied.

“You better not,” she replied and turned her face away. What does she mean by that? I thought. I was sitting in front of her on the bed, staring at her while she was looking at the other side.

“Sneha,” I tried to call her.

“Yes?” she turned her face and replied.

“I’m in a lot of confusion here and you are not helping me much,” I said.

“What do you want me to do?” she asked. I didn’t know at all what I wanted her to do. It was my doing that made me face that situation. I shouldn’t have called Sneha in the first place.