Chapter5
1210 Words
The worst part about nearly loosing someone isn’t the fear but the silence afterwards because the world doesn’t stop to catch up with what almost happened.
It keeps going like nothing broke or changed but everything has.
I don’t remember leaving the hospital.
That’s the first thought I have when I wake up in a sleeping position that doesn’t make sense. My phone is still in my hand and the battery is almost flat.
Aisha is gone and there’s a folded blanket over my legs that I don’t remember pulling.
For a moment I just sit there trying to remember what day it is and what version of me is supposed to exist today and then it hits me.
Adrian.
My body reacts before my mind could and when I stand, the room tilts slightly but I steady myself with the chair.
I remember the letter, crash, hospital and the image of him looking so pale then the call.
“You weren’t supposed to be in the hospital.”
I press my palm against my face. “Okay.” I whisper to nobody. “Okay.”
But I know it isn’t okay.
When I finally step out, the world looks wrong in daylight not because they are wrong but because it’s normal.
Everyone is walking past the hospital gate like nothing happened here last night and I hate them for it not because they are wrong but because they are right, the world didn’t stop, only mine did.
My phone buzzes.
A new message from an unknown number. “Now you can’t leave.”
I stop walking immediately. I stare at the words until they stop looking at me like words and start looking at me like intent.
Aisha calls me at the same time.
“Where are you?” She asks immediately I pick.
“Outside the hospital.” I respond.
There was a pause and I expect her ro judge me a bit but instead her voice softens slightly. “You didn’t go home.”
“No.” I respond flatly.
Another pause then.. “you need to sleep Zara.”
“I did.”
“No that was not sleep that was your body breaking down.” She said sharply.
I almost laugh because she’s right.
“I’m coming to get you.” She says.
“I’m fine.” I reply.
“You’re not fine.” She retorts.
“I said I’m fine.” I snap
Silence then; “is he okay?”
The question lands differently because she says he which makes it personal.
I close my eye. “Yes,” I said quietly. “He’s alive.”
Aisha exhales like she’s been holding her breath since yesterday.
“Okay,” she says, “I’ll be there in twenty.”
Then she hangs up before I can argue.
I go back inside but not because I don’t know where else to put myself.
The corridor feels different in daylight like less threatening and more honest.
A nurse recognizes me. “You’re back.”
It’s not a question but I still say “yes.”
“He’s awake.” She adds.
That stops me.
“Now?” I ask
She nods and this time I don’t wait for permission.
Adrian is sitting up when I enter and he looks worse in the daylight but that’s because there’s no darkness to soften it.
His eyes lift when I enter but he doesn’t look surprised and that bothers me more than anything else.
“You came back.” He says.
“I didn’t leave.” I reply.
There was pause then; “That’s even worse.”
I step closer. “Are you trying to be mysterious or just annoying?”
A corner of his mouth twitches.
“How do you feel?” I ask.
He looks down at his hands like the answer isn’t simple. “Like I made the wrong decision,” he says.
“Going to the party?” I ask
“No.” He replies
That makes me pause. “Then what?”
His eyes lift again and for the first time since I met him, he looks tired in a way that has nothing to do with sleep.
“Surviving.” he says.
The word hangs there heavy and personal.
I sit down in the chair beside him and neither of us speaks for a while but it doesn’t feel like silence rather it feels like waiting for something that neither of us wants to name.
Then I say it. “Someone is watching me.”
Adrian doesn’t react immediately and that tells me that he believes me.
“Tell me.” he says finally.
So I do. I tell him about the hospital call, the message, the feeling of being observed without seeing anyone there.
When I finish, he leans back slightly and exhales through his nose like recognition.
“That started earlier than I thought,” he says.
My stomach tightens. “What did?”
He hesitates then. “The attention.”
“What attention?” I ask.
His jaw tightens. “That’s what I don’t know yet.”
I stare at him. “That’s your answer?”
“That’s the most honest answer you can get from me?” He says
And something about that makes me angry. “You nearly died last night.”
“I know.”
“And you still don’t know what this is?” I ask irritated.
A pause then; “I know what it’s trying to do.”
That stops me. “What?”
His eyes meet mine and for a second he doesn’t look like someone hiding information rather he looks like someone holding it together.
And that somehow is worse than everything else.
By the time Aisha arrives, I’ve stopped talking or even thinking properly. She takes one look at my face and knows.
“You’re doing that thing again.” She says.
“What thing?” I ask
“The one where you pretend your life isn’t falling apart.” She replies
I don’t answer because I don’t have a response that isn’t true.
We leave together and I know Adrian is watching us go because I feel it even without looking back.
That awareness.
That attention.
Like nothing about me is private anymore.
Outside, the sun is too bright.
Aisha walks beside me.
“You’re going to crash,” she says.
“I already did,” I reply.
She doesn’t laugh which somehow makes it worse.
——
That night, I can’t sleep again but this time it isn’t fear keeping me awake, it’s everything.
My phone sits on the desk.
Silent.
Until it isn’t.
One vibration.
Then another.
Unknown number.
I don’t move immediately.
I just stare at it because I already know what this means.
Still, I answer.
“Hello?”
A pause.
Then a voice.
Not unfamiliar.
Just calm.
“You’re awake.”
My body goes still but not fear instead recognition because I’ve heard this voice before but not on a phone.
In person.
Somewhere I wasn’t supposed to notice.
And then the line goes quiet but I don’t hang up because I can hear something else now.
Breathing.
Very close.
And definitely not coming from my phone.
- Writer
