BUTTERFLY

BUTTERFLIES AND MONSTERS

Perpetual happiness is a dream when evil trumps good. The world breathes with hungry dogs attacking for their cause.

The big fire burning at my feet was burning my face. The tears that had accumulated in my eyes were boiling over. No matter how much my throat ached, I couldn't stop screaming. I looked at the blood on my hands and the black winged butterflies circling around the fire and me, looking up at the dark sky.

The blood up to my knees was coming from behind the fire, flowing nonstop. There were three bodies lying on the ground, I didn't recognize all three of them. As the horrible smiling face of an old woman slowly disappeared with the earth falling on me, the sea that surrounded me took me deeper and deeper.

Although I was still screaming, I could no longer hear my own voice because of the water filling my mouth. "Een?" I opened my eyes slowly with a calm voice and got up from the bed as if I had never slept. My eyes shifted to my hands with the feeling of wetness in my hand and I saw my palms full of blood.

I raised my hand and showed it to Kize. "What is this blood?" I asked. Was the calmness I was feeling real or was I imagining things? Kize frowned and looked at my hand. "There is no blood Een, you must have had a nightmare." He said and sat next to me, taking my hand that I held out to him. He carefully brushed my sweat soaked hair from my face.

When the sound of my rapidly beating heart reached my ears, I seemed to slowly come to my senses. When I looked at my hands again, there was no blood anymore. "You were so scared that I woke up to the sound of your heart." He said, looking into my eyes. "I think they're dead, this blood was theirs." I said absentmindedly as I looked at my hand again. Kize took a deep breath and lifted me by the waist and sat me on his knee.

"Who died Een?" he asked in a soft voice. I put my head on his shoulder and continued to look at my hands. "My family, I think." I murmured. I felt Kize's muscles tense. "I think you were scared by the sound of the wind. Do you want to sleep?" He said, stroking my hair. I wanted to sleep, but wasn't I already asleep? I closed my eyes and Kize's scent came to my nose. "Go to sleep." He said thoughtfully.

******

"Oh, for f**k's sake." Ducceta said and got up from where she had fallen, shaking the dust off her clothes with her hand. She glared at the two children still sitting on the floor. "Are you all right, brats?" she asked angrily.

"What kind of teleportation is that?" the girl said and stood up, rubbing her sore butt. The boy got up quickly and said, "I'm fine, ma'am." He said. He was trying to look strong and not show his pain to gain Ducceta's appreciation. Ducceta glanced at the trees that surrounded them, taller than skyscrapers. As they watched the butterfly-winged people flying around, the girl child let out a small scream of surprise.

One of the butterflies carrying supplies for the winter heard the girl's voice and looked down at the three people standing below. She nudged her friend flying next to her with her elbow and pointed them out. Ducceta's bright red eyes were visible even at that distance. "What the f**k are butterfly wings!" Ducceta said. Two butterflies approached the three strangers. "Have you lost your way?" said one of the butterflies.

The people of the butterfly land were always kind and loving. If they saw someone in need, they would do their best to help. Ducceta's spiritual vision immediately recognized the compassion in these people. "You could say that. We are looking for God, does he live here?" She asked. Because if there was a god, this is exactly how the people in his country should be. Ducceta saw a peaceful and loving people.

The little sparrow, still fluttering in the soil, finally managed to get out and shake off its feathers. Soon it spread its wings and flew up and landed on Ducceta's shoulder. "A monster!" shouted one of the butterflies, pointing with its index finger at the little sparrow. Ducceta looked at the sparrow and then at the butterfly. "f*****g exaggerate." She said, dumbfounded.

****

I sprawled out on the warm bed listening to the birds chirping. I could tell it was morning by the sunlight falling on me, but I was so comfortable that I didn't want to stay. Besides, it was the first time in a long time that I woke up in the morning without nightmares. I didn't have those horrible feelings, I felt sleepy and rested.

I turned my back to the warm pillow and touched his slightly sweaty skin. Skin? I opened my eyes slowly and met Kize's yellow eyes. "You finally woke up, huh?" He said with a smile. I quickly removed my hand from his bare chest as if I had touched fire and got out from under Kize's arm and got out of bed.

"Good morning." He said and as he sat up, the duvet fell off him. I closed my eyes with my hands as soon as I saw his naked body. "Why are you naked!" I said in a thin voice, a bit like a scream. If I hadn't been wearing my own clothes I probably would have done more than scream. Why was Kize sleeping next to me?

"What do you mean, you don't remember?" he said in a puzzled voice. Curious about his expression, I took my hand away from my eyes and just looked at his face, being careful not to look at his body. "What?" I stammered, had we done something? No, of course I would have remembered if we had.

"You had a nightmare at night, Een, don't you remember?" he asked again, his brow slightly furrowed. I paused, thinking a little, but it was as if I had slept soundly all night, no more than after I fell asleep. I didn't remember any of my nightmares anyway.

"No, I mean in general. I often have nightmares but I don't remember them." I said and took the pillow and handed it to Kize, who looked at me strangely but took it. "Cover yourself, I can't look at you like this." I said and looked at the quilt. I heard him laughing, but I had to throw away all my shame to look up. "Are you embarrassed right now, is it just me?" He sounded like he was having fun.

"You're naked, shouldn't you be embarrassed?" I asked and intertwined my fingers. Seeing him naked next to me, I thought that something had happened between us, that's why I was nervous. But of course nothing had happened, I would have understood if something had happened. So it must have been something? Oh, could someone please give this guy a T-shirt!

"I don't remember ever being embarrassed about being naked." He said and came closer to me. He reached out and grabbed my chin and I was forced to lift my head. "I wouldn't be embarrassed if I saw you naked. You don't need to be embarrassed either." He said smiling. Then he reached over and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and stood up. I was embarrassed to see his large shapely body, but I was also excited.

"Get up and let's go out, I have some errands to run. Until then, you can take care of whatever you have to do at home and I'll pick you up around noon." He said and took out a t-shirt and pants from the closet. I was looking at his back, his smooth, dark skin looked quite beautiful. I blushed with embarrassment and did as he said and got out of bed, feeling quite fresh.

Before he put the T-shirt on, he turned to look at me. "You wanted to see my tattoo, right?" He said and came over to me. Right above his chest, there was a black butterfly wing. It gave me goosebumps. "Why?" I said, and without realizing it, I reached out and touched his tattoo. I didn't really ask him that question, it was like I was asking myself, I was terrified by these wings.

"It's a long story, I'll tell you sometime. But for now...' He said and wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed my body against his. I held my breath with excitement. '...I have somewhere urgent to be. I'll meet you later and we'll go for a walk." When he said that, my heart was pounding in my chest with excitement because I was touching his naked body.

He lowered his head and his nose touched my nose. "I can't wait for you to get used to me." He said in a whisper, then let go of me and stepped back. "Come on." He said and grabbed his pants and left the room. I was shaking from hand to foot. Even though it embarrassed me, I liked him touching me. I put on my clothes and folded the ones I wore to sleep and left them on the couch. I quickly made the bed and left the room. Kize was putting on his boots in front of the door. He was in a hurry. I wonder what he was going to do?

After putting on my coat, I grabbed my scarf and beanie and headed for the door. As we left the house together, Kize quickly picked me up. "Let's go quickly." He said, and suddenly it was as if the world spun faster. As we passed through the snow overlapping with the wind and looking like hills, I noticed the fallen trees despite the speed. Of course they were too small to withstand such a fierce storm.

I was overcome with sadness. Kize must not be running as fast as last time because the wind didn't hurt me this time. I turned my eyes to him and watched his chin for a while. We were probably home in two minutes, though. I sniffed my nose, frozen from the cold, when he lifted me off his lap.

He smiled and lifted the scarf to my mouth. "Your grandmother won't mind us meeting, I'll talk to her when I get back. I'm leaving now, see you." He said and kissed my hand and disappeared in an instant. The wind that appeared when he disappeared took my breath away. I turned around with a smile and went into the house. While I was going inside and taking off my boots, grandmother came out of the kitchen and ran to me in a great hurry.

"Een, are you okay, my daughter?" she said in fear and panic. I grabbed her shoulders in surprise. Did Kize's message not reach grandma and she thought I was stranded in the storm? "I'm fine grandma, I was with Kize, I didn't get caught in the storm." When I said that, she looked at me in surprise.

Or... Was she so scared because I was with Kize? "Did he do anything to you?" she asked, still frightened and worried. "No, grandma, he didn't do anything to me." She was even more surprised when I said that. My eyebrows furrowed. Hadn't Grandma told me everything about Kize?

She nodded and mumbled 'fine'. "Come on, take off your coat, you'll tell me one by one what happened." When she said that, I quickly took off my coat and sat down at the table. To be honest, I was very excited to tell Grandma what had happened. Of course I was going to tell her every detail. I didn't need to hide anything from her, which would have been to my detriment. After I explained everything, Grandma nodded thoughtfully and took a sip of her tea. "Good, well done. Don't let him get too close to you." I blushed when she said that. It wasn't because I didn't let him get close to me.

"He didn't want to do that anyway. He said, 'I want to get to know you before your body'." I said, my voice sounded like it had escaped inside me. Grandma seemed confused too. She was especially disturbed about Irine. And me too, of course. The fact that she was a woman of God was a big problem.

"Don't let that Irine touch you. The women of God know a lot about the sacrificial victims, so they can figure out who you are right away." I nodded when she said that, and if she ever showed up again, I would definitely turn my back on her. If she tried to touch me, I planned to scream that she had attacked me and ask for help. After all, I was a commoner and a woman of the gods was not going to forcibly touch me in the street.

"So what do you say, should I go to Kize today?" I asked, as if the warm wind of the stove had melted my body and I had become soft. "Go, nothing will happen. He doesn't mean anything bad, it's clear." Grandma said and got up from the table as if this subject bothered her. "Let's get you something nice to wear." When she said that, I left the tea on the table and stood up. Grandma was a matchmaker.

She gave me a white blouse with lace at the neckline and a pair of cloth pants from her closet. I was surprised and curious that she had these young girl's clothes. Even though I had been living with her for a long time, the fact that I knew almost nothing about her was definitely due to her strict personality. She really looked incredibly similar to Mistress Seli. She was just a little older. As I was getting dressed, Grandma came in. I straightened the blouse and turned around.

"Look, how do I look, girl?" I asked like a spoiled child. "It's nice." She said, but she didn't even look at me properly. It was like she didn't want to look at me. She quickly brushed my hair and put it in a tight ponytail. As I was taking out my sideburns, there was a knock on the door.

"I think he's here, go get your clothes and I'll open the door." Grandma said and left the room. I took the coat and the small bag she gave me and looked at how I looked in the mirror for the last time. "Good day, ma'am." I heard Kize say. I walked over to them while Nana was talking to him in a gruff voice.

When Kize looked at me and smiled, I smiled back and put on my boots. After putting on my coat, I left the house and looked at Grandma. She was standing in front of the door looking at both of us with her usual grumpy expression. "Don't be too late." She said and closed the door in our faces. I was shocked. Grandma was really not normal!

"Trust me, it's not just you." I said, turning to Kize. He smiled and we started walking towards the driveway. "I know, she beat you with a cane the day you fell in the creek." I was surprised when he said that and I looked at Kize with a big smile on my face. "Did you follow me that day?" I said, surprised. He put his hand on the back of his neck and pretended to scratch it.

"I came in case you froze from the cold." He said with a smile. I gave a small laugh. "I'm sure you did." I said sarcastically. So..." He said and put his arm around me. ".. you're brave enough to call the right hand of God a liar." He continued and put his arm around my neck. When he squeezed his biceps, I was breathless for a short while.

"Help, God's right hand is strangling a defenseless woman, help!" I said, putting fake fear in my voice. He laughed and took his arm off my neck and held my hand. It felt good to hold his big warm hand. "I'm not driving all the way here because there's no driveway. I hope you're not tired, princess." I stiffened when he said that.

Of course he had called me princess as a joke, but it was the first time anyone had used that word to me in a few months and I was nervous. I realized that the word princess carried the trace of all the oppression in the palace for me. We walked in silence for a short while. I was too late to respond to the last thing he said, so I chose to remain silent. "How is your memory?" I shrugged when he asked me out of the blue.

"Still the same, nothing has changed." I said with a sneer. When we reached the car, he let go of my hand and opened my door and waited for me to get in. I thanked him and got into the seat, and soon he was in the driver's seat. "Again, when you get your memory back, you can come to me no matter what." He said, looking into my eyes. I nodded with a smile, his words were a great comfort to me.

But this time his expression was more serious. What had changed? Maybe he was starting to feel closer to me. After a short silent ride we arrived in the city. "Shall we eat first?" he asked, looking at me. Was he a glutton? "Sure." I said with a shrug. He mumbled as if he was thinking. "Do you have a meal in mind?" he said right after.

"Actually, I wouldn't say no to a good vegetable pasta." I said. Pasta was not in my world and if I came back, the first thing I would do would be to teach people about pasta. It was one of the best things I've ever eaten. "Vegetable monster." He said, laughing, and swerved the car. I furrowed my eyebrows in mock anger. "You eat raw meat, do I say anything to you!" I said and put my hand on my waist.

He gave a short laugh. "That's right, I'm a meat eating animal. Guess who my next prey is?" he said with a wicked smile. I knew what he meant, but I curled my lip and lifted my shoulders. "Who knows, animals are unpredictable." I said and he laughed again. He stopped the car, parked it and turned to look at me. "You're going to pay for those words, you know?" he said, frowning slightly. I hit him on the shoulder with the back of my hand.

"Who beats who is debatable." I said while raising my fists. At that moment, I noticed a woman standing a few meters away, looking at us. Irine. "Ignore her." Kize said and took a scissors from my cheek and got out of the car. I quickly unbuckled my seat belt and he opened my door. I thanked him and got out of the car.

"The pasta here is very good, I think you will like it." He said as we walked towards a wooden, two story building. I nodded and grimaced involuntarily when I thought of coffee. "We don't have the same taste in drinks, but I trust you, sir." I said and straightened my back and walked the way I had to walk in the palace, like a lady. He was both surprised and amused by my behavior.

"How do you know about noble torment?" He said and extended his arm to me. I took his arm and swept aside the ponytail that had fallen over my shoulder. "I told you I had ten tricks up my sleeve." I said half laughing. He nodded his head from side to side and we entered the wooden building.

Two big men at the entrance of the building greeted Kize. We made our way to a crowded dining hall. We climbed the stairs to the right of the hall and arrived at another hall, this time quieter and with only a few people. To be honest, I was relieved that it wasn't crowded. When two attendants came and took my bag and coat, we sat down at a table by the window. A woman came quickly and smiled as she placed a menu in front of us. "I'll be right back, you don't mind waiting a bit, do you?" Kize said and got up from his chair.

"No problem, I'll wait." I said with a smile. He smiled back and left me and disappeared out of sight through a door. Just then I saw Irine and a man coming up the stairs. Irine narrowed her yellow eyes when we locked eyes. I turned away and decided to pretend she didn't exist. I definitely didn't want to communicate with her.

What could I talk to someone who could use those ugly words. With the sound of her heels coming towards me, I opened the menu and went to the pasta page to see what was available. She was standing right next to me. Irine was looking right at me. "Amazing, so you're still in one piece." She said in a sarcastic tone. What did that mean? Was there a reason why I wasn't in one piece?