BUTTERFLY

SLEEPWALKER

Blood all over me, filling my boots, a few sheep in front of me. As they jump the fence one by one, the nails of the demon whose bosom I sleep in pierce my flesh. A baby on the edge of the cliff...

I guess questioning God is the same as questioning yourself... Who am I, why do I exist... Do I have to have a purpose to really exist?

God was the first thing that came to my mind as I watched the man sitting under a yellow light. He caressed my wing on his knees, tilted his head to the side and smiled. His smile sent a shiver down my spine and I involuntarily took a step back, as if I was looking at a demon with plans in his head.

I moaned as a buzzing hum swirled in my head, the needles sticking out of the darkness and piercing my body, hurting me. A woman's divine voice, hoarse and chanting, as if coming from the depths, swirled all around me. It was as if there was a rope wrapped around my whole body, I was tied so tightly that every part of me ached. Although I couldn't manage to open my eyes, I moved my hands and tried to touch the rope encircling my body. But the rope felt solid on my body and like air in my palms.

I frowned in confusion, where exactly was I? "My God!" A woman shouted, her throat rasping. I turned my head in the direction of the voice and a warm light touched my face. With difficulty I tried to open my eyes, and when I managed to open them enough to see my eyelashes, I saw the huge fire burning right at my feet. Although it was very close, I could only feel the heat on my face, the rest of my body was cold and painful.

The shadows hanging just behind the fire drew my attention there. It was as if a group of black shrouds were swaying. I closed my eyes and listened for a short while to a thin cry accompanying the muffled music coming from the depths. The music coming out of the mouths sounded so horrible that it made my heart race. As my chest tightened, I opened my eyes again and this time I did not stop until I opened them wide.

The huge fire in front of me was spinning this way and that with the wind. Behind it, what I thought was a shroud was a group of butterflies looking at me with their wings spread, singing in unison the music I had heard. I gasped, as if the dark wings of each of them would have disappeared in the darkness if there hadn't been the light of the fire. They were witches, Mistress Seli had told me that butterflies who make a pact with the devil turn into witches and their wings are black.

I looked around, the last time my brother and I had fallen out of a tree and Mistress Seli was coming, but there was no sign of them. I thought they were safe, after all, we hadn't run away, we were going back. There was no reason for them to hurt them. "Oh God!" The same voice called out again and the music stopped abruptly. The woman standing in front of the butterflies circling around me shouted, her shattered wings trembling as she slowly descended. Then she turned to me. There was a sadness on the old woman's face, the scars of the years etched in the most terrible way. But not a trace of sadness was in her eyes as she looked into mine.

"Princess Een! The first, one winged member of the butterfly dynasty!" she said, addressing me. Her voice was hoarse and rough from shouting. I squinted my eyes in pain as the pain of the needles stabbing into my body returned. I was tied to the trunk of a dried tree and I must have broken something when I fell from the tree with my brother because I was in pain everywhere. I prayed that my brother would be okay, I had shielded my body against his before we fell, but I was still worried.

"You ran away!" "Your parents kidnapped you!" I shouted again, shaking my head quickly from side to side. "We were going back. I tricked them into doing it, but they gave up, we were going back." I defended my family. I shuddered to think what they had done to my brother. He had lost his wings before we even realized the witches had found us. Even the trees hadn't noticed, so they hadn't told me.

I realized then that I had been right to decide to go back, we were no match for the witches of the Council. The woman frowned and looked at me with hatred. Then she turned around with her arms outstretched, tossing her old dress. "Anyone who helps a one winged butterfly escape is subject to summary execution." She said against butterflies. My eyes widened, as if my pupils were about to pop out of their sockets. The butterflies nodded, then took a step forward at the same time.

"We didn't run away!" I shouted with all my might. But no one even looked at me, as if they couldn't hear me. I looked around to get free from the ropes I was tied to, then to the ropes. But when I saw that there was nothing binding me, I tried to move, as if a still wind had tied my whole body to the tree. Or it was an invisible rope. Was it the witches' magic?

"We didn't run away!" I shouted again, but the situation did not change. The butterflies took another step forward, narrowing the circle, and then two of them slid to the side, leaving a gap in front of me. I saw my brother, a butterfly grabbing him by the scruff of the neck and bringing him into the circle. Then came Mistress Seli and my sister. All three of them moved like puppets, as if they were doing whatever they were told. I looked at their faces one by one, my brother was still with the same expression as when he looked at me, my sister was frozen with a scared face, and Mistress Seli had the same dumbfounded expression as when she saw us falling from the tree. All three of them had no wings!

I tried to move, they were going to hurt them, execute them! "Please look, we didn't run away, please, you already took their wings. " I shouted with all my might. The old woman stood behind my family on bended knees and looked me in the eyes. All of her blackened teeth were revealed with a big smile on her face. She was enjoying it, she was aware of it, but she wanted to do it.

"Please!" I said, turning to the other butterflies. But none of them seemed to hear me. "There is no reason for you to hurt them, I am here. The sacrifice has not even been postponed. Please stop!" I shouted, all the while trying to break free from the invisible ropes that surrounded me. I was covered in blood, I could hear crunching in my body and with every sound the pain increased, but I didn't care about any of it. I had to save my family.

A new butterfly entered the circle, I recognized it immediately, it was the butterfly that had attacked my brother and me. The shining metal in his hand caught my eyes. This time the light of fire reflected on his knife, which I had seen before. "This man must have heard us, please tell them we were on our way back, please tell them!" I shouted at him, but he walked past me as if he didn't hear me like the others. When he reached the old woman he handed her the knife.

The old woman looked me in the eye and waved the knife in her wrinkled hand, then touched the tip on my brother's shoulder. I called out to them again, I looked at the faces of every single butterfly around me, I even shouted their names in case the king and queen would hear me, but the only response I got was from the old woman who shouted, "Sinners who are trying to take away our only chance to continue the line of butterflies!" The butterflies, who had never heard me, heard her and nodded their heads in approval.

I looked into the old woman's eyes again. Her expression reflected the pleasure she was taking in this situation. "If I really get to the Godhead I will beg him to tear you all apart, I swear on my honor and blood that if you don't let my family go I will offer my soul to God for eternal hell for all of you." I said shouting. Everyone here was aware of the situation, there was no point in explaining my problem. The only way out was to threaten them, it would work. It had to work.

The smile on the old woman's face faded and was replaced by anger. Her dark eyes reflected the light of the fire like a mirror. I took a deep breath of relief when she took the knife off my brother's shoulder. It was with that breath that I realized I had been holding my breath all this time.

"You heard me." I said, looking straight into her eyes. "Release my family or I will beg the god you sacrificed me to send you help, your eternal hell." I continued and looked around briefly, studying the still unresponsive butterflies. The old woman took a step back and away from my family, I didn't understand the anger on her face, but it was clear that she hated me before she even saw me.

"You threaten someone who made a pact with the devil with eternal hell?" she said and replaced her anger with a huge smile. At that moment, a high pitched sound started in my ears, the sound of the outside world disappeared. As all the pain in my body disappeared, I saw a few dark shadows pass in front of my eyes, but I couldn't make out what they were.

The old woman stepped behind my brother and with the dagger in her hand she made a deep cut in his throat. My brother waited without reacting; the blood flowing from his mouth, nose and the deep cut in his throat slowly stained his whole body. Then the woman moved behind my sister and slit her throat as well, looking into my eyes. As she did the same to Mistress Seli, I realized that my throat began to ache like I was sick.

Was I screaming?

I looked at the red liquid flowing down to my knees. It had flowed around the huge fire, as if it were a living thing, and it had come in a single line and formed a lake around me. My legs were covered in blood, it was hot and the color was beautiful. Then someone took my hands and dipped my palms into the hot liquid. There was a group of butterflies swirling around me, I watched them briefly but my mind was on the growing pain in my throat.

Then I tore my eyes away from them and looked down at my hands dipped in the red liquid. I was pleased as the floor I was sitting on gradually softened and turned into a warm bed. I was aching so badly all over that a little rest would do me good. The swirling butterflies turned into a riot of colors and started to give me a headache, so I averted my eyes from them and raised my hands to the level of my face. The red liquid in my palm dripped onto my cheeks.

A yellow light shone and we met the man sitting under it again. The evil smile on his face made my skin crawl, I tried to wipe my wet palms on my sweater but I couldn't move my hands. "What have you been shouting like a mad cow for an hour!" I was startled by a gruff, hoarse voice. A few things flew past me and the wind blew my hair around. I covered my open mouth and saw the blood on my hand in front of my eyes.

I lowered my hands to see the owner of the voice and an old woman appeared. She was very old, standing with a cane in her hand, bent at the waist, looking at me. "Excuse me, ma'am?" I said and immediately coughed with a sore throat. Was I getting sick? My voice was hoarse and rough, as if I had a sore throat.

"What are you yelling about, you've stirred up the whole forest this morning." She said and pointed around with the tip of her cane. I looked at the baby trees around us, my brow furrowed. "Was I yelling?" I said, confused. And where was I, why were my hands covered in blood? "You made your throat bleed from yelling and you're asking!" She said and grunted. Her sweet shrunken body didn't suit this grumpiness. If not for her frown, she could have been the sweetest old woman I've ever seen.

"I'm sorry ma'am, I didn't realize." I said and put my hands on the floor and tried to stand up, but just then I heard a loud crunch from my back and I collapsed. I put my hand on my waist and moaned as the pain shot up to my neck. The old woman came to me immediately. "What happened to you, did someone do something?" She said and touched my waist with her cane. As she mumbled as if thinking, I glanced at my body.

My hands, the clothes I was wearing; they were all covered in blood. But there was a huge darkness in my mind. A dark void. "I don't remember." I said after thinking for a while. I didn't think this old woman would hurt me, and she didn't have the power anyway. Although she might have been able to when I was like this. As far as I could tell, I wasn't in butterfly land, where you wouldn't find such small trees and neglected forests.

Had I been sacrificed? If so, why didn't I remember anything, and what was with the blood on me and the pain in my body? And if I had been sacrificed, was I not dead and had I come to the world of the gods? Maybe I had escaped and was now in another country.

"Kamer." The woman called out and touched her cane to my waist again. As she touched me with her cane, it was as if she was touching and feeling me with her hand. When a quadruped monster came out from behind the trees with a wooden cart on its back, I would have stood up and almost ran when I saw the monster if I hadn't been about to faint from the pain. It was something else with its huge upright ears, hairy body and long nose.

My eyes widened, was I in the world of the gods, because there was absolutely no such monster in the world I lived in. "Come, my Kamerim, come, let's take this girl." Said the old woman and the monster approached us. When the old woman took me in her arms with a strength I never expected from her, I let out a small scream of pain and surprise. I couldn't take my eyes off the monster. The woman laid me on the open wooden cart behind the monster and looked into my eyes.

"Hold on, hold on, I'm a healer, we'll fix it." She took a deep breath, shook her head from side to side and went to the monster with an angry demeanor. I looked up at the blue sky, seeing this monster made me sure that I had been sacrificed. But... I was alive?

Everyone talked about the ritual of burying the sacrifices under the ground, so the sacrificed butterflies were killed and their souls went to the gods. They buried me in the ground too, so I could have been injured, maybe even dead, and the body I see now is actually my soul. But were souls injured?

I took a deep breath and sniffed the fresh air. There were no smells except the smell of the beast, which surprised me a lot. All my life I had lived in air that was perfumed with the scent of flowers, so this air seemed empty to me. You can think of it as the difference between juice and water.

As I listened to the old woman muttering under her breath, I thought about my family. My brother and sister were definitely upset that I had come here. They even thought I was dead. The king might have been upset too, I was his child after all. I'm sure Mistress Seli was still talking about how irresponsible I was, but deep down inside she was sad. The Queen might have organized a ball because she finally got rid of me.

I think everyone missed me except Queen, I don't think they didn't like me. But I don't think there was much lamenting, the queen was always talking about finding a girl for my brother to marry after I was sacrificed. She was already making certain preparations, she was very meticulous about it. Ah, I wonder what kind of girl my brother would marry, if I had been there I would have gotten on well with her, if the king had let her talk to me.

I closed my eyes and felt the sun on my face. I think I might never see them again, though I wonder if I asked God to give me my other wing and send me home. When I thought of my wing, it didn't take me long to realize that it wasn't there, I hurriedly reached for my back and checked it. My alarm increased when I realized that it wasn't under the large sweater they had put me in, but I didn't have enough energy to react.

What happened to my wing? Did someone rip it off? I mean, was there any reason for them to take my wing off? I remembered Mistress Seli saying that some butterflies had their wings rotted off in the ritual, but it was done as a punishment. It was done to butterflies that tried to escape! Did I try to escape! Actually, it made sense, considering the state I was in. If I had tried to escape, it was possible that they used violence to catch me. But seriously, was I brave enough to run away?

I closed my eyes in distress. I had one wing and I had lost it. It was true that it wasn't much use, but I didn't want to lose it. "Don't sleep, you'll die on me. I can't deal with your funeral and your family." When the woman called out, I quickly opened my closed eyes because I had started to fall asleep without realizing it. But it was such a sweet sleep that it was indescribable. I was pretty tired, though.

"We're here, hang on." The monster stopped and the woman came to me and took me in her arms. I think my situation looked very bad from the outside because she kept telling me to hold on. But to be honest, apart from the pain in my back and throat, I didn't feel too bad. And I was very tired. Even though my wing was gone, there was no pain in my back.

As the woman carried me, my eyes darted around, and even though my vision was a little blurry, I knew we had entered the garden of a small house. Then we went into the house, which was warmer inside than outside and smelled of food. She laid me down on a soft floor and quickly left me. It took me an unnecessarily long time to realize that I was lying on a bed. A few meters away I noticed an iron box with a fire in it, the heat was coming from that box.

When the woman came back with a book and some things, I don't know what they were, my eyes hung on the book. It was very difficult to find books where I came from, and when I did, I read them immediately and kept them safe from harm. I had even read a book hundreds of times. The woman put the other things in her hand on the table next to me and rummaged through the book. She was squinting even though she was wearing glasses that I had just realized were hanging around her neck. I couldn't help but compare her behavior to that of Mistress Seli. As I was a child, I used to make fun of her.

"Close your eyes now, but don't fall asleep, it will be short anyway. You'll be fine in the morning." When she said that, I closed my eyes and listened to her gentle voice humming a lullaby. I was getting sleepy against that voice and I decided to think to keep from falling asleep. I tried to remember how I got here, the last time the queen kicked me out of the dining table and I got angry and got up. I remembered my eyes glazing over and the rest was gone. I think that's when I went into the cocoon.

But I felt as if I had thought about it before, as if I had thought about what had happened before and had come to this conclusion. But there was no space, no time, nothing about this feeling. It was just a feeling of déjà vu. I frowned, I had thought about the déjà vu part before. "I can't remember anything, ma'am, do you have a remedy for that?" I said when I realized that I couldn't get out of this by thinking to myself. The woman stopped her words like a lullaby. "Get well and then we'll deal with it." She said after a short silence and continued her lullaby.

I guess that meant yes, I decided to ask her to do it after my body healed. Then I would find God and tell him about the butterflies. And I would also tell him that I wanted to go back and stuff like that, so if there was a way to go back, I believed that he would let me. After all, a god wouldn't need me. I didn't know if it was too much to ask, but I was going to take my chances.

As a deep silence fell around, I looked at my brother's smiling face and smiled. I didn't change my expression even though my heart ached as if it had a huge hole in it. "Have you forgotten, Een?" he said and turned around and looked around through the leaves of the tall tree. I approached him and tried to understand what he was looking at, but there was nothing in the direction he was looking.

I tried to ask 'what' but my numb mouth wouldn't open. My brother turned to me, his smile replaced by a dull expression. "So you forgot!" he shouted loudly as he stared into my eyes. He shouted loudly. I took a step back and raised my hands in the air. I tried to ask what I had forgotten, but my mouth wouldn't open. When my brother shouted the same sentence again, I started to tremble. A strong wind blew and blew the leaves of the tree around. A leaf flew past my brother's face and grazed his eyes, but he didn't react at all. He didn't even blink. I took another step back. Again that feeling of déjà vu came over me, putting an indescribable burden on my heart.

He yelled at me again. After a while he said the same thing over and over again, but I couldn't open my mouth. I threw my hands over my face and dug my nails into my lips to open them. "What!" I shouted and jumped out of bed. The old woman sitting next to me put the book on the bed and touched my shoulders as if to calm me down. Breathless, I looked around, the fire in the iron box was still blazing. "You've just recovered, if you break your bones again I won't help you this time." The woman said and let go of my shoulders and stood up. As she put the book on the table, she looked at me out of the corner of her eye, covered in blood.

"Take off your clothes, I'll apply ointment and put you in something clean. No food for a few hours, then you'll be as fit as a fiddle." She said and picked up the long white thing she had left on the table. I nodded without objection, grabbed the hem of my sweater and lifted it up. I was not embarrassed as I was used to being naked around women.

The old woman looked up and looked at my waist. Her hand froze as she brought the transparent cream she had applied to her finger from the long white thing closer to my waist. Slowly she raised her eyes and looked at the flowers that adorned my body, dumbfounded. The flowers were the barcode that represented that I was a flower butterfly. My scales glistened in the sunlight coming through the window.

"What is this?" she said, puzzled. Apparently there were no butterflies in the world of the gods. "My barcode." I said and paused. Of course she didn't understand what it was, of course she wasn't asking about it. That's why I added, "I'm a butterfly, ma'am." I immediately added at the end. The woman threw what she called the ointment in her hand on the table and quickly picked up her cane standing in the corner. "Are you not of this world?" she said, her grumpy demeanor had increased, but this time it didn't seem sweet. "I am a sacrifice to God..."

"Young lady, you are cured, you can go now." She interrupted me and walked towards the door of the house. I looked at her puzzled, was she kicking me out because I came from somewhere else? "Did I make a mistake, ma'am?" I said as I got out of bed. The woman looked at me out of the corner of her eye, her hand on the doorknob raised. "You didn't make a mistake, but if anyone finds out that you are staying at my house, it will be you and me who will be beheaded." She said and opened the door. That meant I had to go. But I didn't understand what she meant so I kept asking questions.

"Did I break a rule, is it a crime to be sacrificed? Why should they kill me, or even you for helping me?" I asked and put on the sweater I had just taken off. It still hurt in my lower back, but not as much as before. "You are a woman sent to God, you think the women here will let you get close to that man. They will destroy you as soon as they hear about it, God will not even know."