BUTTERFLY

NO ASHES

Conversation at the gambling table... A handful of dice accompany the bullets falling from the guns. There's a strange silence over the bodies, like I'm asleep.

Was it luck? Was it really luck that I met Kize or was bad luck showing its face again? "What do you mean?" I said again, my hands frozen. Had he realized that I was not of this world?

"I'm asking where are you from, Een, which country were you born in?" he asked, the warmth that had just spread through my body slowly disappearing. I felt tired, as if I had run for a long time and worked all day. "I don't remember exactly." I said tiredly and grabbed onto Kize's shirt. He immediately understood my situation and supported me by putting his hand on my waist. "Whoa." He said as he caught me, was I falling?

"You are so weak, Een." He took a deep breath and helped me walk and sat me on the couch. I could still hear the storm at high pitch. "What's wrong with me now?" I said as whatever was in my stomach tried to rise upwards. I closed my mouth and swallowed a few times. Kize sat down next to me and tucked my hair behind my ear as it fell over my face.

"I looked at the core, but I didn't think it would be so affected." He said in a soft voice and touched his index finger to the center of my forehead. I felt relief as the warm wave from his finger slowly spread from my head to his toe. But I was still afraid, because Kize had asked me where I came from. "Are you okay now?" He asked and pulled his finger from my forehead. God, when was this storm going to end! I wanted to go home right away.

I shook my head and took a deep breath. My faintness had distracted him, but what could I answer if he asked me the same question again! He knew I was lying, if I said I didn't remember it would be a blatant lie, so what was I going to say!

If he understood that I wasn't of this world, I might not be in danger, he didn't seem like he was going to hurt me right now. Or should I have come clean and asked for help? "Are you hungry?" I slowly released the breath I was holding. Had he dropped the subject or had he forgotten? No, I didn't think he had forgotten.

"Not really." I said, it was a lie. The last time I had breakfast was in the morning, and now it was approaching evening. Although it was getting darker than usual because of the storm. Kize exhaled deeply and put his hands on his waist. "What do you want to eat?" I couldn't tell from the look on his face how he felt. Was he angry with me?

"There's not much at home, though. There should be some dried meat and rice." I stood up when he continued, it wouldn't be right to set up in his house and expect him to do everything. "I can help you prepare it. I mean, I don't eat meat, but I don't mind rice." I said and interlaced my fingers and waited for his response. "You don't eat meat? Why?" he said, frowning.

I shrugged, was he really asking that? I was supposed to be surprised that they were eating meat. Who was the first to think of eating meat! "The idea of killing and eating animals is not very nice." I said and smiled. They were killing each other too, not just animals. I wonder if they also ate human flesh. I wouldn't be surprised if someone said yes to that question.

"Well, come here." He said and we went into the kitchen. I took a brief look at the kitchen, which was small but had everything I could possibly need. Even though he said he only used it for hunting, it was a very high quality place. I wonder what his normal house was like?

As Kize was going through the cupboards in the kitchen, I thought of my bag. There was everything I needed to cook. "A!" I said excitedly. When Kize turned and looked at me, I quickly ran to the living room and grabbed my bag from the coat rack and came back. I showed it to Kize with a big smile on my face.

"Heh, meat is no longer an option." I said and Kize smiled. "Didn't you buy these for your house?" he asked as I put the bag on the table and took out the contents. "I'll take back what's missing tomorrow, no problem." I said and took out the ingredients to make the soup and vegetable dish grandmother made. Together we washed the vegetables and put them on the counter.

"I don't know much about cooking, but grandma taught me a bit." I said as I took the knife and chopped the vegetables. As Kize helped me, he said, "I don't know anything about cooking. I usually prefer to eat meat," he mumbled. I grimaced at the image of Kize eating raw meat.

"No, please tell me you don't eat raw meat." I said and stopped and looked at his face, that was too much! When he turned and looked at my face, he suddenly let out a short laugh. "Do I look like an animal from up there?" he said, laughing.

I guess he wasn't eating. I breathed a sigh of relief. "You were asleep in the forest, raw meat is not so absurd compared to this." I said with a shrug and put the chopped vegetables in the pot on the stove. Grandma usually put them in an order, but I didn't think the order was that important. After all, they were going to cook together anyway.

"You're going to keep saying that, aren't you?" He said, shaking his head from side to side. He was leaning against the counter, watching me with a smile. I deliberately rolled my eyes and put the lid on the pot. I added the water to the soup and left it to cook.

"Maybe one day, if you become strong, you'll be able to sleep where you want, when you want." He said sarcastically. I narrowed my eyes. "Weren't you the one who called me strong when I was carrying the bucket in the woods?" I said, wanting to act tough but unable to wipe the smile off my face.

"I suppose you claim to be strong, Ms. Een?" he asked, raising one eyebrow. I pressed my lips together and shook my head with a frown. Kize lowered his arms folded across his chest and suddenly I was swept off my feet. My head spun briefly, and then everything was upside down.

After the scream that came out of my mouth, I looked down at Kize's knees, which were right in front of my face. He had grabbed me by the ankle and lifted me upside down. "Then let go of my hand." He said laughing. I grabbed onto the counter and tried to pull my leg free, but I felt pressure on my face as if all the blood had rushed to my head, and this sudden situation seemed quite funny.

I tried to struggle but he couldn't even move his arm. I couldn't hold myself back any longer and started laughing. "I swear to God, I give up, I give up, I'm just kidding." I said through my laughter. Lifting my head, I briefly looked at Kize's face looking down on me. He brought my foot close to his face and sniffed it.

Immediately afterwards, he turned me around and put me on my feet. "My foot." I said in shock. He had smelled my foot? He laughed and looked into my eyes with a shrug. "Did you smell my feet, Kize?" I said, and then I let out a short laugh. Why had he done that?

"You smell the same everywhere, I checked to see if your feet smell the same." He said in a serious tone. I folded my arms across my chest and frowned. "So, is it the same?" I asked, trying to look as expressionless as he did. "Yes, it smells just like flowers all over you." He said, and we looked at each other seriously for a short while. I was the first to give up.

I hit him on the shoulder with the back of my hand and laughed. "Do I look like an animal from there?" I said, trying to thicken my voice. Kamer sniffed me sometimes, like him. I think Kamer might have thought I was food because I smelled of fresh flowers. But he was a grass fed animal after all. Kize was a meat eater, I guess. I laughed harder at the thought. "You dare to use my words against me!" He said frowning and grabbed my ear. What was this, what was I, three years old?

When he pulled my ear slightly, I pushed him to get away from him, but it didn't work. Laughing, he watched me struggle. "I remind you of the difference in power between us, ma'am. Use your words carefully when you speak to me." He leaned over and sniffed my hair. Was this guy crazy!

"Kize!" I raised my voice laughing. When he let go of my ear, I immediately backed away. "Why do you keep sniffing?" I said while rubbing my ear. He hadn't grabbed my ear hard, but it still hurt a little. "I'm trying to figure out what kind of perfume you're wearing." I tilted my head to the side when he said that.

What exactly was the perfume? When I said, " What do I use?" I couldn't help noticing that his eyes narrowed slightly. Oh, I definitely shouldn't have said something like that. I think what he was talking about was something common.

"You don't know what perfume is either?" I sighed and turned to the pots. I couldn't think of a lie to tell as I stirred both dishes one by one. "I mean I don't use it." I said, trying to make the situation clear. As Kize had said, I had to be careful with the words I used around him. "So what, this smell is your natural scent now." He leaned against the counter and folded his arms across his chest.

"It could be the smell of shampoo." I said, shrugging, trying to make it seem normal. He mumbled as if he was thinking.

"Kize?" I said and turned to him, putting the lid back on the pots. "I have a question." My eyes widened when he grabbed me around the waist and sat me down on the counter. He rested his hands on the counter and looked into my eyes with a slight smile.

"I'm listening." When he said that, he tucked the hair that had fallen in my face behind my ear. What was I going to ask?I cleared my throat and clasped my hands between my knees, his hand on the counter wrapped around my waist.

"How can I be stronger?" I asked after a short thought. Or rather, after suppressing my excitement. The icy counter made me feel a little cold. "By practicing." He said in a calm voice and took my hand between my knees. I frowned. "How am I supposed to practice?" I asked, definitely not satisfied with his answer and it showed in my voice.

He smiled and his hand on my waist moved slowly. The sound of food on the stove, the storm and the stove still blazing filled the house. "I can put you to work if you want." He said, curling one corner of his lip into a smile. "Somehow that sounds like a threat." I mumbled and looked at his hand wrapped around my fingers.

"No, I'm absolutely serious. I'm going to work you to the brink of death so that your pain threshold rises. After that, it's just a matter of time." Then I looked at his face to see if he was really serious. He was serious! Was he serious? "Huh?" was all I said. "Call it a joke, please." I said, swallowing. He shook his head from side to side.

"Strength takes work, Een, you can't expect to be strong from where you sit. Besides, after I train you, you will say 'how easy this training was'." He said and squeezed my waist slightly. "It's like you have no muscles, you are all soft. It's good if you don't die in training." He continued with a sigh. My eyes widened. He had to be joking right now.

"Kize, are you crazy?" I asked in shock. He laughed and leaned towards my face. "How well do you know me, Een?" he asked in a whisper. Then he leaned even closer to my ear. "Of course I'm joking." He said in a whisper. His lips lightly touched my ear and I gasped. Then he pulled back, laughed and took a step away from me. When I realized what he was saying, I frowned and hit his shoulder with the back of my hand, sighing. "It landed on my heart." I said, putting my hand over my heart with fake drama.

"That's the second time you've hit me, I can't miss it." He said, this time while he was stirring the food. "Hah!" I made a noise and got off the counter. "I think it's cooked, shall we eat?" I asked, looking at the food in the pot. He nodded and turned off the stove. To be honest, the oven was more useful than the stove. I took the food to the table while Kize set the table. When we sat down together and started eating, I was pleased that the food was good, although not as good as Grandma's.

I just wondered why the potatoes were undercooked! And I think the eggplant had disappeared because it wasn't on my plate. "It's good, thank my hands." Kize said and took a spoonful of the soup. My eyebrows furrowed. Did she say 'Thank my hands' by mistake? "Only, I made this meal." I said with a smile.

"Oh, I don't like it." I laughed when he said that. I liked that about Kize. He was playful and smiling. He was also a very kind man. "By the way, when is this storm going to end?" I said, leaning my back against the chair. He looked out the window. "It looks like it will continue until the morning." He said, I hadn't even finished my plate and he was eating the third one.

So I'm here until the morning? Oh, I wanted to run home, because I certainly wasn't doing what Grandma said. When Kize approached me, I should have pushed him, but I was just watching him approach me. What was I going to do if he came closer, was I going to wait again?

"You're tense again." Kize said, after taking a sip of water. He leaned back and looked at me with a slight frown. "Are you nervous because you are staying here tonight?" He asked, watching me carefully. I shrugged my shoulders and averted my eyes from him involuntarily.

"No, no." Was this man looking at me every second, why couldn't I hide anything? "I'd rather meet you before your body." When he said that, my face was on fire. I definitely didn't like talking about this kind of stuff, especially not with a man. "Okay." I said, mashing the potatoes left on my plate with the fork in my hand.

"Look at my face." When he said that, I flinched and looked up at his face. He was frowning, squinting his eyes, watching me. "Do you want coffee?" I grimaced when he said, "No, I definitely don't." I said with a smile. He nodded and took his plate and got up from the table. I quickly grabbed my plate and we cleared the table together.

I brewed tea while he made himself a cup of coffee. Then we went into the living room and sat down together. I took a sip of the hot tea, after blowing on it a few times to cool it down, and put my cold feet up to the stove. Kize noticed this immediately and stood up, pulling the chair closer to the stove.

"You are resistant to the cold." He said as he sat down next to me and I nodded. "Heh, I am, aren't I?" I said, tossing my hair back. He smiled and put his arm around me. He put his feet up on the coffee table. "I'll bring the bed by the stove if you want." I shook my head from side to side. "It's not that cold, thank you." I said with a smile.

He turned and looked at me. He had a thoughtful demeanor. I was curious because he looked as if he was going to say something and I turned my body to him. "I'm going to the city tomorrow, why don't you come with me?" He said and stroked my hair. I quickly got excited. But I wasn't wrong about that, of course. "Is this a date proposal?" I asked, a slight smile forming on my face. He smiled back.

"I guess that's what it is. I mean, we can have dinner and walk around the city for a bit." When he said that, my smile widened. "Mr. Kize, don't tell me you've never been on a date before." I said sarcastically. His reaction made me think of that. But I didn't think he'd ever been on a girlfriend, which seemed to me to be quite intimate with this Irine woman.

He must have laughed at my sarcasm. "Look who's talking." He said, taking my nose between his two fingers and pinching it. I quickly pulled my head back and freed my nose from his hand. "We don't usually have these kinds of relationships in the military." My eyebrows furrowed when he said that. I pursed my lips in thought.

"Well..." he said and touched my puckered lip with his index finger. "...we can call the relationships in my environment polygamy. You are with whoever you want to be with at that moment. There is no jealousy or attachment. Of course, there are couples who get along very well and isolate themselves." After he said that, he pulled his finger away from my lips. I was confused.

"So Irine and her friend are from the military then?" I asked, mumbling. He nodded. "Yes, they are both women of God." My hands felt cold when he said that. I had guessed it, Irine's self confidence was similar to Kize's. I took a sip of my tea and took a deep breath. Was I putting myself in a worse situation by talking to Kize?

"But then why did she pick on me. After all, you say there is no jealousy." When I said that, I realized he was looking at my lips. Should I back off? But he said he wanted to meet me first, so didn't that mean he wasn't going to approach me? So why was he acting like he was going to kiss me on the lips?

"You're an outsider, so you probably didn't get accepted." He said and with his arm around my shoulder he pulled my body closer to his. "I'm confused." I said honestly. I mean, Irine's friend had only seen us walking in the woods and I didn't understand why they would say those things to me. Kize smiled and his eye fell on my lip again. Soon after, he quickly let go of me and got up from his seat.

"It's late, should we go to sleep?" I nodded and got up too. "Come." I followed him as he headed for a door and we entered a small room. Kize turned on the lights and went to the closet in the room. He took out a few pieces of clothing and put them on the bed. She took a black t-shirt and held it over me. "It's a bit big, but will you be okay?" I nodded. "No problem." I said with a smile. He handed me the t-shirt with a pair of sweatpants and left the room. I quickly followed him.

He opened the door to a small bathroom and waited by the door. "There's an unused toothbrush in the closet, you can use it. You can also take a shower, use whatever you want, feel free." When he said that, I nodded and thanked him and went into the bathroom and closed the door. I took the toothbrush that was still in the box from the cupboard and quickly brushed my teeth and put on the clothes Kize had given me. Even though the tracksuit was too big, I tightened the drawstring around the waist so it wouldn't fall off.

After washing my face and brushing my hair, I left the bathroom. Kize was not in the living room. I sat on the couch, thinking he was in the room we had just entered. He might have been changing. Soon, as I expected, he came out of the room. When he looked at me, he started laughing.

"I might as well give you a sack." He said, laughing, and I stood up and looked at my top. It was really wide like a sack. "The host who mocks his guest, hospitality is dead." I said, shaking my head from side to side. "Well, I'm giving you my room, what more do you want?" I laughed and shrugged when he said that. By the way, where was he going to sleep?

"Come on, I've changed the sheets. You can sleep in peace." When he said that, I walked to the door of the room. "Where are you going to sleep?" I asked before I went in. He narrowed his eyes. "Do you want to sleep together?" He said and leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb and leaned into my face.

"It's not like that, I mean, I'm curious, I took your bed from you after all." I quickly explained. "We can sleep together if you want." He said as if he didn't hear me. I hit his shoulder with the back of my hand and sighed. Grandma was right, men were too eager to make love with women.

"That makes three, by the way." He said and approached me with a big step. As he grabbed my chin with his fingertips and lifted my head, I realized that my heart was racing with excitement. Were women also interested in making love with men, or were my hormones getting too high? "If you need anything, just call me, I'll sleep in the living room." When he said that, I realized that my mouth was hanging open and I quickly closed it.

"Okay." I said, his eyes were a little dark under his eyes. I think he was tired. He leaned his face down and gave me a little kiss on my cheek, then left the room and closed the door. I stayed where I was for a while in shock, a small smile on my face as I touched my cheek where he kissed me.

I put my clothes on the couch and lay down on the bed. Although the bed was cold, it soon warmed up. I wonder what Grandma was doing? She had been weak for a few days, I hope she wouldn't get sick because of this cold weather. I closed my eyes and listened to the storm still raging. As the sound of the storm slowly turned into a dirge, I looked at the huge fire burning right at my feet.