ChapStick

Chapter 5 – Fear that said its prayers

Chapter Song – In My Place - Coldplay

“Oh … Sean, promise me you’ll take it slow. Stop with the rimming. You’re making me nervous,” And surely I was, and he was too as I saw him shiver at those words. He tried so hard to steady his hand even though he knew it was difficult.

“It’s hard, Vander, holy fuck.”

I did not expect we’d do it this early. I just met him, yet I felt like I could trust him. Or I might have led him on. Was I being too friendly? I didn’t know. His charm drew me in like a magnet, and before I knew it I was already disarmed by his virility.

Another thing was his scent. He smelled so signature, masculine, robust, and patently male, “Stop shaking, look at me, focus Sean, focus!” I groaned at him and cupped his face with my hands to coach his breathing. He was trying much too hard to make the tight connection between us.

“Ooohh…” His lips formed a small O. Lines of concentration painted his forehead as his handsome face responded to the feeling of tightness. Oh God, could he really do this? Could I live with myself if I were to lose it to him? I felt something tighten from below my abdomen as response to my thinking. My muscles down south clenched everywhere. It was an intense and tactile reaction to Sean as he loomed over me. I guess I was really attracted to him. He was so cute.

Seeing him sweat stirred my arousal. He had this profound effect on me I couldn’t grasp. His presence was alluring, raw, seductive, and strong. All these feelings intensified the moment he brushed his forehead with the back of his hand. It caused sweat to douse his meaty temples. He felt the weight of it on his brows so he furrowed them. It caused droplets to trickle down his nose. It was these little things that turned me on. Why did I feel this hunger in my groin? It was like its hungry for something I couldn’t describe. Oh God. My body … my body wanted his.

His movement was slow and deliberate. He was painfully pleasurable to watch. Combining the words pain and pleasure in a sentence might appear odd, but that was what I felt. Oh boy, was I becoming masochistic? My wayward imaginings shrank to a dot as the muscles on his face hinted on difficulty. He brought the tip closer, tighter, harder against the ring. Oh f**k, please.

His breathing spiked. It became broken and ragged. He shook his head then narrowed his eyes at me. He was finding it hard to concentrate. I believe we’ve had too much alcohol to drink. ‘Oh Sean… enough with the teasing, please, just do it’, was my quiet plea as he grunted against the ring.

He hissed through clenched teeth. His gaze was unyielding. I knew his hands were laced with tension because I could feel it too. A sharp intake of breath parted his mouth. It made his teeth disappear behind those soft lips which I wanted to touch. I saw difficulty strain every line and sinew on his face. His expression turned me on even more. I felt him possess me, fast, palpable, and thick. Sweat trickled his sideburns which slowly gathered down his stubbly chin. Oh God, he was every bit of a man; heady, masculine, and virile. I didn’t know if I would ever be ready for him.

“Sean, you’re dripping way too much … it’s getting wet,” My salacious invective was a scandal. It was decorated with mischief and a slight hint of worry for him. I think this was his first time.

I could see the heat coat the sides of his neck. His cheeks blushed crimson when he realized I was staring. He slowly licked the shell of his upper lip as if to provoke me. Seeing him turn beet red was so sexy. It made me burn in all the right places. I was wetting and becoming damp. Oh Sean, I feel so powerful at the sight of you getting weaker. I guess I liked him looking tortured.

He grunted low in his throat, “Vander … I, I don’t think I can,” he swallowed. His plea of desperation sent delicious tingles up my spine. All the carnal muscles underneath my skin shuddered and trembled. I knew it was just a matter of time before his initial insertion became full-on penetration. I was afraid because I didn’t know what it would feel like to lose it to him. He took a lungful of air and decided to push forward and upward with rampant determination.

“Damn, it’s too tight now,” he growled in frustration. His voice coiled with nervous tension.

He braved another attempt at the insertion. Lines speckled his forehead as he opened his mouth to a big O. Moans followed as he slacked his jaw, “Uh … it’s almost, completely in,” he claimed anxiously looking at me. I felt the connection burn between us. Aah, the connection is very thick.

“Ungh, it slipped out. Too damn tight …Vander, I’m sorry, I really can’t … I … I’m just grazing the edge,” He looked at me with eyes that felt sorry. He wore puppy-dog eyes. It was adorkable.

“Is it easier if I go this way?” he asked, “How about this, huh?” he added. Oh Sean, just do it.

“Oh, shut up and just do it!” I griped.

“Aargh,” his voice quivered in pain.

“Oh, stop! Here, put it in my hand. I’ll show you how to get inside,” I protested. He took too long to get it completely in. It wasn’t that difficult. He was a man for goodness sake! I lashed my tongue out, pulled the tip inside, then closed my lips around to make it wet. I resolved to completely coat it in all angles.

“Ooh—” he whimpered. He didn’t expect it would be easy.

I pulled it out then thrust it, and in a split second it was in.

“Oh, for the love of!” he recoiled and surrendered in defeat.

“Oh! I … I won!” I claimed victory, “You owe me a hundred dollars. Now hand it over!” my hand demanded with pride. I felt so high and mighty. Hah!

“Aw, no fair … I drank more than you did,” he lashed out, clearly disappointed. He was a poor sport.

“Hah, who said you had to drink more?” I glared at him to which he responded with a stubborn look.

Instead of playing beer pong as he liked, I challenged Sean aka Mr. Nox to a game of dart and weave, where one had to slide an unruly piece of thread past a needle hole after taking a couple or more Jell-O shots. I refused vodka so we chose Everclear as substitute. We were so drunk.

“Yo skank! You bettah close up shop, or I’ll be all ovah yo ass. I’m leavin’ the keys here honey, hey lookie’ here now…” Bertha snapped her fingers at me to catch my attention. It worked.

“I will big momma, I got this,” I guaranteed with confidence and a discharge of alcohol in my breath. I had too much to drink. I literally was breathing alcohol into my lungs. I felt so nasty.

Bertha gave Sean a look of daggers, “…no using the maple syrup to lube up either, you asshole.”

“Oi oi black capitana. You can count on me!” Sean exclaimed in a hoarse voice. Mocking Bertha wasn’t a good idea, but he did. I liked the drunken Sean. He was more fun than the serious one.

Bertha turned to him and said, “Hmm-mmm … if a-don’t see that child in the morning I wull hunt you down, gut you, and feed you to the wolves, you feel me!?” She was ghetto central. Yeesh.

Sean straightened up and gave Bertha an honorary salute, but then his knees gave and he slumped down once more. It might have been the tug of gravity or alcohol, choose whichever rocked your boat. I too wasn’t far behind. I felt nauseous and heavy in all the wrong places. And I was bloated too. Oh boy, I didn’t feel pretty. I wasn’t a drinker. Lupo would strangle me if she knew.

Bertha gyrated her hips and gave a scandalous wink before stepping out the door. She no shame!

“Oh good Lord…” I rolled my eyes as I flinched in embarrassment. Sean just laughed it off.

Sean imitated Bertha’s scandalous wink, “How about we … you know … get down to … my business,” he winked at me and grabbed his crotch. My jaw dropped and my brain turned to mush.

“You … are such … a pig!” I squealed then balled my fist to lightly connect a punch to his chest. It was more of a prod actually, considering that he got great muscle mass that softened my fist.

“Ow,” his mouth formed like an O as he held his breath. It felt like all the oxygen depleted around us when he closed his lips. Oh no… not that look. He pursed his lips then tensed his jaw. Oh God. His eyes were dark orbs of lust as he bobbed his head down. His gaze dropped to the junction of my thighs. The attention he gave hardened me. I brought my legs together to cover up my indecency. He licked his lips as humor fled his eyes. This was a different kind of Sean. Oh no, oh God.

I tried shifting in my seat, careful not to make unnecessary eye contact that could trigger a spike in both our bodies. Okay … too late for that now. I’m looking. I’m looking … I’m frozen. Help me? I wasn’t sure what dilated pupils meant, but his looked blazing with need. His were carnal, seducing, and with no end. They pulled me in and turned me on like a switch. I was drawn to his eyes, completely under their spell. I felt lightheaded as my heart quickened and thundered inside my chest. There was too much s****l tension between us I could almost cut through it with a knife. My mind stacked insidious thoughts about Sean. I felt wicked like an incubus and I didn’t know why. Maybe it was my hormones for I was still quite young.

He grabbed the sides of his chair with intent. My breath hitched.

He leaned and bucked his chair forward. I gasped for the life of me.

He forced his knees between mine, making my legs spread a little. Oh f**k.

I shuddered and gave a nervous laugh. Feeling conscious, I broke from his gaze and looked away. I wanted to bail out and run for my life, but I was too eager to know what could happen next. And so I remained glued to my seat, with my heart lodged in my throat beating rapidly.

He rested both hands on my aching thighs then grabbed hard. Christ! The alcohol immediately drained from my face, and then shot back up to give me a flash of heat so fast that I felt dizzy. Oh, Lord.

The tip of my fingers tingled and my toes curled inside my shoes. All my nerve endings stood to attention as they pushed electricity straight to my nether regions. I brought my legs tighter to quell the tension that wracked my loins. All coherent thoughts fled me. I was left to feel pure sensation.

“Sean…”

“Do I make you nervous?” His voice was velvety smooth, each syllable a caress down below.

His hands snaked around my hips to scoop me up. I felt butterflies breed a habitat in my stomach as my nerves shot into overdrive. His touch electrified me. It felt titillating, invasive, and naughty.

“You’re shaking, are you okay?” his voice was my undoing as I started panting from within.

“I … I’m … hmm … okay …” I mustered between staccato breaths. I looked so inexperienced.

A part of me trusted him, so I surrendered to his invitation and straddled him. The friction felt so electric despite the layers of material between our thighs. My heart was thundering in my chest. I honestly felt like I couldn’t breathe. What was with all these nerves? Must had been the alcohol, or was it all him? Well, I understood it was him as I looked into those eyes pool with desire. The intent in those eyes of his equaled mine. I gazed down to make a beeline for his lips as if to taunt him. He leaned. I felt heat blanket my face when his mouth hovered mine, and then he breathed.

Our lips were very close to each other. I felt like he was exhaling pheromones down my throat, all the way down to where my privates were. If this was sin I didn’t care. I felt amazing and liberated. I wanted to know what it would be like as a devil, if only for one night. My legs parted as I scaled his muscular thighs. I enveloped his midsection and it felt so divine. He grabbed the edge of the barstool to support both our weights. Oh boy, was he ever the gentle beast, “Vander, I’m getting hard here,” My muscles clenched at those words. My temperature pitched volcanic.

I knew I was tipsy and I didn’t want to tip over and fall. So I moved about gently, readjusting myself on top of him. Our bodies rubbed against each other and it caused turbulent heat. We were a haze of impulses that pulsated strongly. All I wanted was to touch him everywhere. And before I knew it I was tugging at his hair, fingers raking through his scalp, wanting to feel the warmth of his big head.

The pleasure, the butterflies, the titillation, the longing … It was all becoming too overwhelming for me, a craving that was hard to contain. I knew I wanted him to make love to me. I needed him so badly inside me.

My erection was frisking the fabric of my khakis. It was painful pleasure I haven’t experienced in my life. Sean spread his legs wider to accommodate and balance both of us. I was racking up too much excitement for I never had this much contact with anyone. And as he took his hands up my shirt to cop a feel inside, I felt this overwhelming feeling wash over me like warm sand.

His fingers searched, groped, and nibbled, until they clamped and squeezed around my n*****s. I couldn’t help but scream his name as he played with what I considered to be one of my weaknesses. I felt so submissive to the touch that I lost respect for myself. All I wanted at that moment was to react. And so I did with gratifying moans. I was thrumming inside and I liked it.

“Stop teasing, please,” I begged as my body sagged and screamed for release. I was coming apart at the seams and we hadn’t done anything. I was amateurish when it came to intimacy. I didn’t even know how to handle myself in situations like this. I guess there was a first time for everything. I wondered how big he was. I was really scared about that.

He played with my body, sending waves of scintillating pleasure that cascaded and foamed over layers of sensation that I already was experiencing, “Oh, baby, relax, I’ll take good care of you,” he whispered into my ear and it almost drove me past the brink of control. I was swimming against the sweetest torture I had ever felt in my entire life thus far.

“Wait … Sean, wait … stop,” I pulled back a bit then leaned against his forehead. I needed a moment to breathe. I was nearing climax and I wasn’t ready. Why was I this easy? We were just touching, yet I felt the tickle grow and swell within me. Oh God.

“Sean… I ah, hmm…” I exhaled the words close to his mouth. I was shaking like a leaf. I didn’t expect it would feel this way with someone, especially with a man like him who I really liked.

“Vander, you okay? You’re … you’re shaking way too much,” His words made my heart jump to my throat, “I … I want to be inside you Vander. Will you allow me?” His fingers fell between mine. The touch felt so matrimonial. The contact made my heart strum a note I was scared to recognize. It was a dull ache in my chest. Was I falling in love?

He looked me in the eye and I saw yearning, “I’m really hard. Can you feel it?” he spoke and it did nothing but harden me. Shrapnels of delight pleasured my groin as I nodded my consent to the first man who ever fancied me.

I was a mess on his lap. I would shiver and shake whenever those lecherous hands of his scuffled with my waistband. His fingers traveled down then clamped harshly against the skin of my thighs. It took all of me to keep from exploding at the slightest touch. My body wracked so much heat that it was becoming physically unbearable for me to hold back the tingle I felt down below. His hands were everywhere, but God I didn’t care. I wanted to please him like a prized w***e.

But what was I doing? This wasn’t me. I wasn’t ready for all of this. I felt so indecent, “Sean … I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this,” He mopped his lips down my neck, “Oh God, please, wait … this isn’t … this isn’t right,” I begged as my cheeks flared with tumultuous volcanic heat, “Sean, I can’t, please stop.”

“Your body disagrees,” he whispered and nuzzled the shell of my outer ear. He was an expert I could tell as he left a trail of soft wet steamy kisses down my neck, “I want to make love to you. Bury myself in you. Please, Vander, don’t resist me, not tonight,” I was about to sin, big time. We both knew we would.

I couldn’t think straight. His proposition was my undoing, so I responded with an aching nod as my yes. His eyes grew with excitement. Quickly, he searched his back pocket. I didn’t know what he was fisting in his pockets for, so I asked, “Sean, something wrong?” he seemed troubled.

“No, nothing … I just … I just forgot to bring something,” he sighed, his face looked disappointed, but why?

Feeling a bit frustrated, he swiped the bottle of Everclear from the counter, and then took a swig before mashing his lips onto mine. It was our first kiss. My nerves pulsed thick with need. I felt a myriad of emotions I had never felt before. My heart thumped vigorously as my lips engaged his aggression. I felt my tongue burn in his mouth as we lapped at each other like hungry wolves. I couldn’t help myself as I grinded against the kiss. A moment ago I wanted to bail and run. I guess there was nothing that could stop a person from submitting to carnal desires. No sir, nothing can.

He poured the liquid courage over my chest. It jolted my spirit. It was hot and searing against my skin. I had to clamp his shoulders for support because it felt like liquid fire on my body. The heat swelled and streamed down my body going south. It left a trail of blissful fire as it went down. With sweat and alcohol combined, the white of my shirt started to blush as it meshed with skin. His eyes fed hungrily at the outline the alcohol created on my body. I felt sinful, and oh so dirty.

He examined me as I heaved and strained, “God, you are beautiful,” his voice thick with greed and reverence. I felt a glow wash over me at those words. This man was something else. I knew him to be so. If I would offer my virginity, it would be to this man. We found each other’s mouth again, and it was the sweetest of sin. I tasted the alcohol in his mouth as we burned in hell.

Out of impulse, he threw the Everclear to the wall, “Sean! You … you have to pay … oh God … you have to pay for that,” I scratched the words as he swept my collarbone with kisses. We were beyond intoxication. We were a mess of hands, lips, mouth, and skin on skin. His touch was a kind of spell I was under. It was hypnotic, magical, and full of unexpected wonder. Aah, Sean.

He pulled my damp shirt over my head. The wet fabric felt very slick as it grazed my n*****s. I felt conscious naked. I immediately covered my torso in embarrassment. I didn’t want him to see me like this. He looked at me and I saw admiration. I felt a tug in my heart for I didn’t expect he’d find me beautiful. His lips met my chest and all I could do was moan. All my hair stood to attention as my body ached everywhere. I pushed against his tongue that licked and nibbled.

“Oh, Sean … please,” If he didn’t do anything beyond this I was going to unravel. I was close.

He decided to torture me some more with his tongue. It went about exploring my sternum and all around. He toyed with me for very long I almost passed out. Jesus Christ. I was close to breaking into crystal shards if he didn’t stop.

I hunched to pull back from the assault his tongue so expertly knew. He chased the sensation as he buried his face deep within the cusp of my quivering torso. His teeth clamped around my budding peak as his grip tightened around me to support my weight. I threw my head back in ecstasy as I felt rapture from within.

“Stop. Teasing. Me.” I was panting and breathing rickety breaths, “I beg you, just lay me down.”

“Relax babe, I want every inch of you,” he whispered softly in my ear. Sean, you’re killing me.

“Vander, I want you tonight, will you honor me with your body, please?” His confession made my heart slam even harder against my chest. I was about to offer myself to this man, but my decision was split. It was a mêlée for dominance in my head. Should I or should I not? I was a lowly kid, barely seventeen, while he looked accomplished and appeared twice my age. Another difference we had was that I was a mere pawn, and he was a knight. And as I fought with all these thoughts in mind, I felt an uncontrollable feeling, like a faucet opening, and then I found myself … with soaking wet underpants.

“Sean … I, I just …” I blushed. I knew he understood what I meant as I convulsed on top of him.

His eyes blazed with carnal intent, “Did you just?” he couldn’t believe it. His eyes examined me and there it was, the evidence of my unraveling – a discoloration in my pants. Quickly, he steeled his body, pulled my arms over his neck, and then lifted me up. I looked like a backpack that hung in front of him. I tightly wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me to Bertha’s office.

“No, no, no, Sean, no! She’ll kill us!” I pleaded with bated breath. I didn’t want to desecrate Bertha’s office without her consent.

“No one has to know,” he smirked then brought his nose closer to mine. He made our lips touch once more, and I caved like a slut.

He planted an aggressive kiss on my lips. My tongue couldn’t help but lose itself inside his mouth as it fought for dominance. My heart sped a thousand clicks. Our bodies had built so much friction that we could feel the evidence prod against our stomachs. We pulled from the kiss to stop and catch our breaths. He looked at me and I saw a promise, “Vander, I really like you. Please, make me happy tonight,” he cooed into my forehead, breathing hard. Oh Sean, yes, yes.

“I will … yes, I will. Please, make love to me Sean,” Love, lust, and alcohol pumped in my bloodstream. There was enough heat to scorch me for eternity. I didn’t mind burning as long as it was with him.

He laid me on the couch. My heart quickened at the thought of making love, “You have no idea how long I wanted this,” His voice shook with every word, each syllable thick with lust and desperation.

He rubbed against me roguishly, massaging me, making me ache in places I didn’t know could ache. I squirmed beneath him as I fisted in his hair. We made strong eye contact. His gaze knocked the wind out of me. I was about to offer myself to a man I just met. Was I truly ready?

We started ripping each other apart, unable to contain ourselves any longer. He pulled his shirt up as I nervously unbuckled his jeans. My fingers fumbled with the zipper, shaking as I pulled and tugged with greed.

“Sean, I’m burning.”

“Me too,” he agreed.

He threw away his shirt and kicked off his pants. I swallowed hard. This was it. It was time.

“Oh no…” The words raked in my throat. My eyes erupted with terror at the outline of his member. He could barely tuck it in. It was so huge. My mouth dropped. I took a sharp intake of breath at the sight of his enormity. I was scared for my life. I felt faint all of a sudden. Crap. I wasn’t ready for this.

‘Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into?’ my frail thought as I gulped what felt like an oil slick.

His eyes dilated into a look of concern, “Is there something wrong baby?” He looked forlorn.

“No, nothing, it’s just that, it’s my…” I was fraught with tremors. It forgot to say my prayers.

“Hey, hey, I’ll be gentle,” he reassured, coaching my fear to say grace. Oh my… this would be like forcing an American square peg in an Asian round hole. I don’t think prayers could help me.

“No, it’s because … I have, I’m, I’m a virgin,” I confessed, sheepishly. Surely he wasn’t going to like me now. No one wanted someone inexperienced. At least that’s what I read from online.

“Oh, oh no,” he whispered, frustrated.

“W-what is it?” I was leaking anxiety.

He was hesitating, yet the look in his eyes was one of want and intense need. He swallowed before his next words, “It … it won’t hurt you if we … but you are … you’re a virgin,” he sighed, “I don’t want to hurt you Vander, but I’m really hard right now and I badly want to make love to you,” He tried to fight the urge.

“I’m okay. Let’s do this,” I grabbed his arm. What was I saying!? Why was I so submissive?

His eyes glazed into an expression that played between excitement and worry, “Are you sure?”

“Y-yes, I’m s-sure,” I stuttered, and then sighed tremulously.

He exhaled a big one, and with hesitation he withdrew from his attempt and sat on his side of the couch. He patted the seat cushion next to him, signaling me to scooch closer. I did as I was told and sat comfortably in the nook he created with his shoulders.

“You know, kid, you want your first to be with someone special. Not with some drunk who would do anything, and trust me, guys will do anything just to get in your pants and pop that cherry,” he grumbled in between frayed breaths. I knew he was disappointed, but at the same time I appreciated his nobility. I thought he’d be shallow and would outright abuse me. I guess I misjudged him. At that moment I knew that I really liked him.

“Thank you,” I whispered softly. Oh Sean, you think I’m special.

“I think it would do us good if I take you out on a date first. I want to get to know you better. I want to make what we have here a little more special. What’d you say?” His face lit up like Christmas morning. I found him admirable. He looked so beguiling, chivalrous, and youthful.

His invitation was a kind gesture. I found the offer very uncharacteristic of him. I didn’t expect layers to his personality. I pretty much knew he was a d**k. But I guess hard d***s got soft too.

He made me want to know him better, and I surely would. I obliged and held out my hand. He shook it and bobbed his head in agreement, and yes, so did the big bulbous head that peeked through his waistband. Wow.

His smile quirked into a mischievous smirk, “awwwwww, my bunny wabbit weally wanted a good hump,” he teased me.

“Aww, you pig!” I squealed.

We both felt loony as we chuckled into the night.