Miroslava of the Tempest

Lost

UNKNOWN P.O.V.

I´ve asked myself so many times before, When was it I realized I truly belonged in no place?

Was it when my sister made me believe I was adopted because she disliked me so much she hoped one day I would go away?

Maybe it was when my brother abused me time after time after time until I put myself together and gather enough strength to yell at him that I was not his w***re.

I know it was not when my mother cried her eyes out and my father roared in rage after they found out what my brother had done, not only to me but to my sister as well. No, that was the only time I felt protected, backed up.

Neither was it when I decided I had a god-given right to be a bi*ch to everyone around me because I´d believed it was everyone´s fault what had happened to me in my tender years.

No, that was not it. I believe it was when I realized I had a career, a home, a family, a partner and a job and I still had that unsettling thought whenever I walked into my house.

"I want to go home".

It was simple, short, yet unnerving. I had everything and I still had nothing, not a penny to my name, not a thing that was worth something.

I wanted to run. I wanted to leave and forget about everything, and I didn´t even have money to do it. I felt empty inside. I was nothing. I couldn´t stand it anymore. I was so tired and sick of everything.

I didn´t want to be a daughter, or a sister or a bride to be. I wanted to be my person. I wanted to be free.

But I wasn´t, I was trapped. Trapped with a family that didn´t understand me. Trapped with a husband who had no aspirations or ambitions and who could not care less about mine. Trapped in a career that was all about listening to everybody else´s problems without being able to get rid of my own. Trapped in a mediocre, uneventful life.

Saying this, you can imagine why did his offer sound so appealing. He made it sound so great and promising, refusing was not an option.

Not to be me from now on was just what I needed, all I wanted.

And so I signed my soul away in exchange for a life. Even if it meant the end of someone else´s life. Even when she was so young and sweet and kind.

Do I regret it? Not really. Although I wish I could have done something more to help her, it was her or me. And I was done being selfless.

But I´m getting ahead of myself. We´ll get to know each other plenty. Just not right now.

Patience, grasshopper. All good things to those who wait.