Forbidden Desires

Shadow Of Desire

By midnight, the party had dispersed, and finally, silence had descended over the house, the echoes and shouts having died away, leaving a dead, deafening quiet. One by one, people had drifted out into the darkness, leaving a trail of discarded cups and the ghosts of celebration. Dad had retreated to his bedroom, and I had crawled under mine, but a sudden quietude in the house only heightened the roar in my head.

I crawled into my own bed. Robert had gone into his own. The sudden silence of the house, however, did nothing to dispel the deafening roar of my own brain. Sleep seemed like a country I could never reach. My thoughts were in a dishevelled panic, and my head throbbed beneath the burden of the dance.

Sleep could not be found, I was restless-the sheets felt rough and scratchy against my skin as I tossed and turned in the darkness and I could not stop thinking of him, the weight of his chest on mine, and the sheer inability of my thin shirt to ward off the heat of his skin. I felt his phantom warmth, and my heart started thrumming faster for reasons beyond ghosts.

Knowing I could not remain trapped in my room with this throbbing, insistent energy, I pushed off the blankets. I had to see him. I just needed to know if he truly slept, or if he also endured this uncomfortable transition between us with an equal amount of pain.

I padded down the dim hallway, my bare feet making no noise whatsoever on the wooden planks until I reached the end of the hall. His door was slightly ajar, a habit he always maintained lest I need anything in the night.

A dim, amber light pulsed out of the darkness within his room.

Nudging the door open a fraction further with my foot, I froze. He wasn't sleeping. He sat upright in bed, his large back pressed against the dark wooden headboard, his lower body covered by a thick blanket. The light I had caught wasn't just his desk lamp; a laptop rested on his lap, casting an unnatural, glowing blue light over the sharp, angular structure of his face. A slight furrow lined his brow, turning my stomach over with a slow, heavy heave. He hadn't noticed me at all.

Completely hidden by the darkness of the doorway, I was torn between the strong urge to run safely back to my room and the compelling, drawing force to go forward towards the lighted figure in front of me.

A moment of nausea and a strangled cry lodged themselves in my throat as my vision adapted to the bright screen. The blue light revealed a scene from a dark, forbidden fantasy. I completely forgot to breathe. Oh my God, Robert was watching an adult movie, and all alone, but it wasn't just any movie. The two people on screen were playing out the exact forbidden desires that the two of us were currently trying so hard not to act out on each other.

Their bodies twisted around each other in a way that would be forever outlawed to me, and then I knew. The pain of that knowledge was a cold jolt of sickness, but then the chill turned into localized heat that quickly burned itself to the hottest part of my body. Thank God, I didn't say a word; I just froze there in the shadows of the doorway to his private nightmare.

He had no clue that I was there-his focus was solely on the screen. But watching him like this, knowing the secret desires he harbored behind the tight, protective wall he held up, something in me cracked. All the consuming guilt I had carried around on the dance floor disappeared, replaced by a lust so intense my knees just about gave out.

The Instinct came over me, and the line had been crossed, and for the first time in my life, the primal urge to indulge my deepest cravings overwhelmed me. I was thoroughly alive to how decadent the prohibited felt, and the raw thrill was awesome.

Almost automatically, my hands started to do what I had kept them from for years, feeling every curve and plane of my body like I had never done before.

It had only ever been the idea; now it was a reality. I was a virgin until this moment, and my hands took on the mission to figure out what this was: This was the first time my hands would pleasure me, and I would be completely awake to the pleasure, and that alone felt amazing. I brought my hands to my t**s and Ahhhh f**k, they were hard. The pain was so much fun when it mixed with the overwhelming desire to be touched.

I rolled them between my fingers and felt an incredible sensation shoot down my boobs. My other hand was already sliding down into my pants. My p***y was so f*****g wet, and right there, at the center of that ache, was a knot of need that I didn't have a name for. I continued to play with my n*****s, and the friction sent sparks through me all the way to my hips, while the other hand began to massage my c**t, just as I'd always imagined my hands would move, and I couldn't take my eyes off the man on the bed.

The outside world and that shadowed doorway ceased to exist. Entranced, I mimicked the fluid rhythm of the figures on the screen, drawing out the slow, torturous tension. The quiet, breathless gasp stuck in my throat. I had never before explored my body in quite this way, but it felt like pure, electric fire, so that heat shot straight to my skin. It felt so good-so overwhelmingly good that I wasn't sure I could stand it, as that sharp ache, that pressure, intensified in the center of my chest.

I bit my lip hard until it was raw, fighting the desperate urge to make a sound. I couldn't let him find out I was there; I couldn't shatter this fragile, forbidden moment. Closing my eyes tightly, the hazy light of the corridor vanished from my mind. In its place, I imagined Robert standing directly in front of me, looming over me with the same heavy, commanding presence he had anchored on the dance floor.

As my fingers traced the most sensitive part of my body, a sharp, involuntary shiver ran down my spine. The thoughts racing through my head became a silent, desperate plea, projecting his warmth, his strength, and his unyielding frame into my private awakening. I was completely immersed in the fantasy of him, my body arching slightly back into the hollow darkness of the hall, chasing an elusive, mounting peak just a few feet away from where he sat.

I struggled for breath, my eyes fluttered open once more, drawn magnetically back to the figure by the bedside. Robert stood in the amber glow, his chest heaving as his own movements grew fast, heavy, and steady. My heart hammered violently against my ribs. He possessed such a powerful, commanding physical form, far more intense than anything captured on a digital screen, and a whole new rush of localized heat flooded my veins. More than anything, a reckless urge tried to pull me out of the shadows and into his room, but I remained frozen like a phantom in the dark.

I kept my gaze locked onto him, letting the taboo momentum carry me forward. What would it be like, the dangerous thought whispered in my mind, if he finally broke the barrier between us completely?

Suddenly, Robert let out a low, choked groan, his entire frame tensing with absolute finality as he collapsed back against the sheets, gasping heavily for breath in a way I had never heard before.

An utter, oppressive quiet descended on the room. The only sounds that were left were the gentle whir of his laptop fan, and the distant, relentless crash of the ocean against the shore. The real world slammed back in as quickly as it had faded away, leaving a shock so sharp and cold it brought my hands back, my skin pricked with such sensitivity the tingling felt too painful to stand. Panic finally broke through the daze - I needed to get out before he knew he wasn't alone. Turning on my heel, I stole back into the deeper shadows of the hall, my bare feet utterly silent against the wood floor.

My own bedroom felt cool and safe, but my skin was still burning. I flopped down onto the mattress, my heart pounding like a drumbeat against my ribs as I stared blankly up at the ceiling, his sharp features permanently seared into my vision. Nothing felt real anymore; the protective guardian had completely vanished, replaced by a raw, powerful attraction that I knew would haunt my thoughts indefinitely.

Eventually, I just surrendered to being utterly exhausted, though my body was still throbbing from the jolt. However, even as I was sinking into sleep, my head still remembered the feeling of his proximity and knew we were now unwittingly privy to the same forbidden secret.

I can’t wait till tomorrow.