Insane Love

》Mysterious《

-Heaven-

I deserve this..I do deserve it all..Yes just a few more till it turns fully red, I said beating my hands with a scale and biting my lips hardly to prevent myself from making any noise..

It's 2:36 am..I am in the other room after studying for the whole night..I want to sleep but I know I won't till I cry my heart out..

All I want right now is a person whom I can hug someone and cry my heart..I hate this..I hate being this pathetic but I can't tell anyone about this..

Everyone will be so disappointed on me..I can't do that..I can't see them in pain but this pain is not lessening..So I need to express it sone way..I need this just a few more shots then I'll sleep..

After hitting my palms till they got all red..I rubbed them together..making the burning sensation harsher than it was..I feel better now..

??:Ahhhhhh...Ahhhhhh...

Noo..shut up..shut it..

??:Can you shut me up??..You're just a burden Heaven..they don't need you..

Noo...I am not..I am n-not a b-burden..they love me..

??:They are just stuck with you..they pity you nothing else..

Nooooo....

I talked to her and cried..I hate her..she always makes me feel pathetic..I hate her..but I hate myself more..

Because she is a part of me..Yess she's me..

I am f****d up right?..

??:Yes you are..

I sighed at her comment and went to sleep but again those screams started ringing I my mind..no I can't react now..everyone is here..what if mum wakes up and sees me??..no I can't afford that.. please stop it..

I went on crying silently now since I can't even move..my sisters her sleeping with me..mum and dad are sleeping on the other double bed..I feel numb..those screams still ringing in my mind..those scenes keep replaying like a movie..they haunt my nights..

I somehow slept after about 3:40 am..

The next day,

I woke up with the alarm..it's 8:30 am..I need to go get ready for school..I went to take a shower then I changed into my school uniform..Just these two years then I'll get rid of this..but still I'll have to study more..

I sighed..I'm never getting free from this..my life is just other name for suffering..I wish someday just for once I could live my life freely as I want..in my own way..

Thinking all these and regretting taking birth as a human being in the first place I got ready for school somehow..my dad dropped me to school..I am a high school student and maybe others love this phase of life but I loathe it with my whole being..

These students who act as angels infront of you will be the ones who always backstab you without a second thought..I have felt it..

I went to my place..yes I am the invisible nerd of the class..but I hate it..I want to be a badass bitch..I wanna show them that my life doesn't ends up in book but I'm afraid of complains..

I don't want my parents to stress for me..I was very young..like in kindergarten when I failed in my exams..I was just 3 or 4..but then I saw my father crying there..I know it's not something too much for people but for me..

I got one thing fixed in my brain that day..My grades matter the most..more than anything for my parents..no they do love me and I love them too..they take care of me so how can I not just do this simple thing..

Wait..it's not simple tho..studies are s**t I hate..like those who want let them study..I don't want then why do I have to??..we'll for the sake of my parents..

I have been a total introvert in school by birth..yeah I even got complains from my teachers till 1st grade that I don't talk..I don't utter a single f*****g word..but I always hated this place why will I?...

I had faced many people who always used me..then throw me..like the use and throw wrappers..it was till class 6th..

In class 3, I had gone very sick and the medicines I took were very high in dose..they did one thing..I started getting anger attacks..and when it happened..there would be no reason..

I would destroy either something or say some shit..I can control myself now tho..I just take all that anger out on myself..no I don't make cuts..they are proofs..

I instead do something else..I hit myself with my steep scale or lunch hard on my roughly cemented terrace walls..I think my knuckles are almost cracked lmao..or if nothing I dig my nails I my body..or anything else which never leaves a scar..

I have a tanned body shade so no one guesses if I cry..and I cry silently..even my mum sitting next to me don't understand until she sees my tears..

I am not anythinnear beautiful but ugly..don't tell me you are fully confident about yourself..no one is..tho people go on acting just like I do..

Act like I'm the happiest person alive infront of my parents and family...

Yes, all I do us acting..I swear if I was beautiful enough I might have got oscar for my acting skills..that's the only thing I do perfectly until my eyes decide to me betray me sometimes..

I went to my seat fully drowned in my own thoughts until I heard the teacher announcing something..

It's not like I didn't saw her entering the classroom or the students running to settle in their seats..I sit on the first bench all alone so I don't have much worries..

I snapped out of my thoughts and tried to pay attention to my teacher's announcement..maybe it's something important or that's at least what I thought until I saw someone unfamiliar coming inside the class..

He was a boy..young one who had his eyes glued to the ground as If he'll be killed if he looked at us..then the teacher said,

Ms.Lee: Good morning students please welcome your new classmate..introduce yourself kid..

That's when that guy removed his glued eyes from the ground..and I saw his dark pitch black eyes which held something..something very different..something intriguing..

He scanned the class slowly and that's when our eyes stuck with each other and I understood..

This guy holds something mysterious..His eyes tell..

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TBC-

This book is deepshit..don't read if you can't handle..

So I hope you liked this chapter please vote,comment and Share this book love..More to come..bye my fingers she crying now..Love you all..Stay tuned..