CHAPTER THREE
1047 Words
CHAPTER THREE
MATTHIAS' POINT OF VIEW
She is here, an image of subdued will. Her hands shake a little, but her face is calm and expressionless and gives no clue. I convinced myself I wanted this, a spotless break. There were no unresolved issues.
You are right, Matthias. You belong freely.
The words ought to sound like triumph. They cannot.
She places the documents on my desk, her fingers caressing the edge for a brief moment, as if she is fully present at that moment. She then backs off, exhaling gently, her eyes rising to meet mine.
My face became blank on my face. Apathetic. I will not provide her with the gratification of knowing I care.
"You ought to have done this long ago," I say.
She is not flinching; she does not react strongly. Like a problem she no longer wants to solve, she just studies me.
Knowing is something.
That is exactly what I mean. These two words, despite their seemingly insignificant weight, hold a profound place in my heart.
I examine the documentation, which serves as proof that I am no longer under the influence of Lena Fischer, the woman who gave me everything I never desired. She moves with an elegance that bothers me as she approaches the door.
She ought to be breaking down, shouting, beginning something.
She simply goes instead.
And for some reason, I cannot turn away as she leaves my life.
There is a lot of silence tonight. Elena is snuggled next to me, her perfume still hanging in the air and her breathing calm. I ought to be dead asleep. Rather, I'm fixated on the ceiling as my thoughts run back over every moment spent with Lena earlier today.
She was meant to be furious. Divided. Not peaceful. Not welcoming.
Her absence from the house is strange. Though I should be relieved, I have a hollow kind of discomfort in my chest. It feels as though something is missing from my life.
"Are you waking up??" Elena speaks softly, her fingers running circles on my arm.
I respond slowly rather than straight away. I am not inclined to lie.
Actually.
She moves in front of me, pressing herself against me. You should quit obsessing over her.
I am not.
She laughs slowly and with knowledge. "You are." It is all over your face.
I say nothing. Given the circumstances, I find myself at a loss for words. More than Lena's tears ever could, that last glance haunts me. Does her silent departure disturb me more than any disagreement we had?
Elena puts herself up on her elbows, her nails barely running down my chest. "Matthias, she has departed." She is at last clear of the path. We own everything we could have wanted.
Among us.
I close my eyes and slowly inhale. This is what I aimed for. I battled for what this is.
Why then does it feel as though something is eluding my grasp?
Elena pushes her lips to my neck, her breath soft and seductive. "You have no more need to consider her."
You do, though.
And that makes me shudder.
Morning arrives far too quickly. Sitting at the breakfast table, the coffee in front of me unearthed. There is an empty chair across from me. I tell myself this is better.
"She emailed her materials last night."
My head moves. In the doorway stands my mother, her face incomprehensible.
"Good." In my tongue, the word tastes bad.
She briefly looks at me before entering the kitchen and filling a cup with tea. She did not take very much.
I scowled. "What?" asked
"Her belongings. She carried just a few pieces of luggage. She left most of the items you sent her behind.
I let out a strong sigh and flare of annoyance. "What does it matter?"
She sips, not worried at all. "It counts since she is now at last with you. And you seem less pleased about that than you ought to be.
I shook my head and snub. You're seeing things.
She hums, demonstrating her lack of commitment. She then says, "You should go see her," as though she were reporting a fact rather than offering a recommendation.
I joke. "For what?" wonders.
"To confirm, this is exactly what you wanted."
I stood quickly and shoved back my chair. I have no need to see her. I wanted exactly what this was.
My mother raises her brow. Then, why are you so restless?
I refuse to respond since I'm not sure.
The office remains open when I arrive. My purported diversion from work is entertainment. It does not. Everything seems off just a little. My assistant rattles out my calendar, but her voice disappears from the background. Lena's empty desk is only visible through the glass walls.
She turned her back on it.
She left the business as well.
I ought to have expected it. However, the finality of it twists something inside my chest.
I lower myself into my chair and massage my temples. My phone pings, dragging me out of my head.
Elena is here.
I think twice before responding.
Hey, she says, purring. Busy?
I look at the unedited files in front of me. Not particularly.
"We might leave over the weekend, and I was considering that. We could travel together, just the two of us.
A halt. Space: a chance to at last go past whatever this is.
"I will give it some thought."
She huffs, lighthearted but directed. Not a yes is what I mean here.
I start to smile under pressure. Neither is it a no, either.
Laughing, she promises to call later, and the telephone goes dead. I drop my phone on the desk and fix a blank stare at the screen.
This requires a certain amount of freedom.
Then, why does loss seem so natural?
Night strikes once more. Though Elena is next to me, I feel as though I am somewhere else. The picture of Lena going away, her head held high, won't let go of my thoughts. She did not fight. Never broke.
She handed me permission to leave.
I should receive a break.
Why then do I feel as though I lost something I would never be able to recover?
- Writer
