Candlelight

Prologue

Funny how people says that i'm a creep but the people in their society full of monsters, they found it normal. See, that's the reason why i dissociate myself from humans and proclaimed myself as unnatural being.  Not because i have superpowers or special ability but because my whole personality and body screams weird. I wear a not so big round black eyeglasses, my headphones with thick big bud is always on me and ofcourse, the books. And the humans wear different styles and faces, trying to compete each other but when you look at the bigger picture, they are all the same. 

I sighed while looking at the people passing by on the window of this small book store where I work as a part-timer and decided to open my book instead. Before i even open the pages, Nanita, the old woman in her late 80's, managing this store called me. 

"Asterine, aren't you going home yet? Look at the clouds outside, it is dark. It might rain any moment." she said while drinking her coffee and Ania, her cat staring at me. 

I remain my eyes on her for a second and tried to peak at the clouds outside to see if it's really going to rain. It was dark and if you were a kid, you'd probably cry and think that the end of the world is happening. End of the world? I laughed softly at that idea and then finally decided to pick up my things and leave. I said goodbye to Nanita and she just nod. 

As i walk slowly on the pavements of the street, I saw some people hurrying and maybe because of the rain. On our town, rain happen frequently. It must have been our weather everyday because a week cannot go on without it and the sun? It shows rarely and you must think that it's a miracle when you wake up and the weather is warm. 

I'm honestly not scared of the rain nor the dark, or the endless forest. I found them beautiful, silent and mysterious. I opened my palm to feel the droplets of the water coming at the sky, and I feel alive. My apartment is still a little far but I'm not going to walk fast despite the rain pouring. I want to savor this moment for tomorrow is uncertain and everything could go wrong any moment. I might die later, who knows? From what I have observed, humans don't want sadness. They hate feeling any negative emotions but I found those emotions beautiful. They also says they do not want to live with regrets but I don't want to die with regrets and that's the reason why I embrace everything that comes to life, with open arms because it's not like I have a choice to say no.

I can feel the rain starting to pour hard and I couldn't care less. My peaceful walk was interrupted by a loud voice from behind. I saw Ted with an umbrella and a pair of angry eyes.

"Asterine Amia, are you crazy? I mean yes, but still!" he said and I can sense that he is just trying to be angry at me because he could never. And I am sure that my observation is right because it is my hidden skill, to observe and know people deeply. I could never go wrong on my assumptions because as I said, humans are easy to predict because they were all the same. 

I chuckled and stare at him, "I'm not crazy, Ted. And surely, I will not die with a little rain."

He glared at me and push me playfully, we started to walk as he cover me with umbrella so that I won't get wet. I am always amazed about how he always find me in times like this. Ted has been with me since that summer of 2015, that one horrible summer. We were living at the southwoods that time and it was peaceful. I remember that my father taught me how to do archery. I was a little girl that time but still I managed how a bow and arrow works. Then my mother used to wait for us with food while we were wondering around the woods. It was all perfect until a group of people roamed the house. It seems like my parents sensed it and they hid me in the cabinet. I just woke up by a woman and man opening the door of the cabinet, saying that I'm already safe, it was Ted's parents, they were police. My parents died at that one summer in 2015 and the cause were gunshots. The murderers are not found. Until then, it haunts me, who and why.

"I'll go inside, thank you." I simply smiled on him for a minute when we reach my apartment and he just nod.

"Change your clothes so that you will not get sick, tomorrow's the first day of class. Have some rest." He tsked and look at me disappointedly. Then, he said goodbye.

I walk in the apartment where I spent the rest of my life alone after my parents died.  It is small but it is enough for me because it has a window that has a view of the cars and people passing by outside and then, it has a small bed.  I also purchased a bookshelf and collected plants from the money that i have saved when I started working. I started my job at Nanita's bookstore the moment I turned 18 years old last year.

I was 13 years old when my I moved here in a small town called Holon, not so far from southwoods. Ted's parents were working here and they decided to help me. This town is very much opposite at my hometown before. At southwoods, it has a lot of trees and serenity is all you can see and feel. Here? people, chaos and pollution. It was really hard until I found Nanita's bookstore. At the age of 16, I was already wondering, learning and growing differently with the influence of books. When I turned 18 last year, she offered me a job at her store and I agreed without hesitancy. Maybe she observed that I have been living my life in her business so might as well be useful and work for her. The salary is not that big nor too small, just enough to sustain my life and buy my needs.

I stayed at Ted's house for four years, until I turned 18 where i suggested them that I should move out and having a job really pushed me. I'd be lying if I said that I decided to move out because of feeling like a burden. The main reason is that I want to be alone and here I am, enjoying my own company.

I look at the clock and realized that it is already quarter to 7 pm, so I decided to cook my dinner. While cooking, I remembered Ted's words, tomorrow is the first day of college and I choose the course Literature. To be honest, I don't really have a dream o goal to do after I graduated from college. Sometimes, I don't think of this that deep because it was useless anyway if I choose to overthink it because as I said, future is uncertain and a lot of things can happen. But there are times that it was sad to accept the fact that I don't know what I want to do in life. 

After I'm done cooking, I finished my food. I washed the dishes and decided to clean so that I do not have to worry about my apartment being messy tomorrow and more time for reading. Since it's monday, I have work at 4 pm to 7 pm but if I dismissed from class a little early then I will go at Nanita's immediately. There are a lot people in the store from 3 pm to 4 so might as well help the old woman. I remembered that there were one time where Anabi, Ted's mom, asked me about this. 

"Are you still taking care of yourself? You are still young to work, Amia. Tell us and we'll add your allowance, don't worry about it." she said. Her eyes tight and worried is disturbing. 

"No, it's fine. I can take it but if the time comes where I got drained, I will ask for help. Thank you." I replied and gave her a short smile to assure her. 

I lied that day when I said that I will tell them when I can't take it anymore because I don't really ask for help. It's either people will just notice that I'm struggling and volunteer to help or I'll find a way to get through it, whatever it takes.

I cleaned the house briefly and changed clothes. I want to get enough sleep for tomorrow. I stared at my small bed near the window, with plants hanging on it and the lights from the outside is visible. I still want to read a page but I'm tired for today.  So I just decided to close the curtains and get ready to sleep. I look at the ceiling for a moment and thank the heavens above for today.

And one more fact, I haven't go back to southwoods since that day.