This Is Love

12

"I'm sorry. But it's like you just said. Except, I never stopped loving him. And I'll never stop loving him."

"I can wait. I'm used to waiting. I'll wait my whole life for you, Penny. Don't you see that?" He put his hand on the side of my face.

"Tyler, I don't want you to wait."

"Don't say that. I know you need time to heal from this. I'll wait until you're ready."

"I'll never be ready."

He shook his head. "I love you. Tell me to stay. Choose me. Penny, please give us a chance. I need you. Meet me halfway."

"You don't need me. You need some sweet girl who will put you first. Who thinks the sun rises and sets with you. You deserve that. I can't give you that."

"I'll take whatever you can give me."

"All I can offer you is friendship. Honestly, Tyler, you're my best friend. You've always been there for me..."

"I can't be your friend anymore." He let his hand fall from my cheek. "I thought I could be. But now? No. I need more than that. I can't live my whole life in denial."

"I'm sorry."

He shoved his hands into his pockets. "So...Chicago?"

I nodded. "My new flight leaves tonight. I think maybe I need to do a little soul searching."

"And you know for sure that what you're looking for isn't me?" He gave me a sheepish smile that ripped my heart in half. "How are you so sure?"

I pressed my lips together. There was something else that I hadn't told him. But I didn't want to. It wasn't fair. It was just in my head.

"Tell me." I shook my head. He grabbed my hand. "Tell me. If it's something I can fix..."

"No." I swallowed hard. "Seeing you reminds me that it's my fault that James broke up with me. Because I insisted on being your friend. I made this happen."

"It hurts you to see me?" I closed my eyes and nodded. He dropped my hand. "I'd do anything for you. You know that right?"

I wiped away the tears that had started to fall down my cheeks again.

"Penny, look at me."

I slowly opened my eyes. The hurt on his face was palpable.

"Everything in my gut is telling me to stay and fight for you. But if you want me to leave, I'll leave. Is that what you want?"

"I'm sorry."

His Adam's apple rose and fell. "I can't be your friend anymore."

"I know."

He nodded his head. "I guess this is goodbye then?"

"Where are you going to go?" I thought about his apartment in New York. Melissa was probably waiting there, seething. Hating both of us.

"I think maybe I need a fresh start too," he said. "Somewhere...sunnier." I nodded. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

"I already found what I was looking for," Tyler said with a sigh. "Now...now I'm running away because it hurts too f*****g much."

"Tyler..."

"Go back to New York, Penny. Don't spend your whole life missing him. It's exhausting to deny yourself what you want, to spend your whole life dreaming about what you're missing."

The fact that he was talking about me made my chest hurt even more.

"I really hope that you two work it out," he said.

"Thanks, Tyler." I took a step toward him to hug him goodbye, but he immediately took a step back.

"Bye, Penny." He turned around and walked away from me. I watched him climb back into his car. I lifted my hand to wave goodbye, but he didn't look back as he pulled away from the curb and out of my life.

I took a deep breath like I had just woken up in the middle of a nightmare. Tyler was looking down at me with concern etched across his face.

“I hurt you,” I said. “All those years ago I hurt you and I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

He smiled. “It’s in the past, Penny. I know it probably feels more recent to you, but it was a long time ago.”

“So you swear that you’re happy?”

“I swear that I’m happy. All that hurt led me to happiness with the right person. Everything has a funny way of working out for the best. Does this mean that you remember breaking my heart and choosing James?” He smiled down at me.

I didn’t know whether to nod or to shake my head. Pieces were all that I had. Fragments of a life I had forgotten. But there was no denying the memory that I just had of Tyler. How I felt after James called off our wedding. That devastation. “I remember loving him so much that it felt like I died when he asked me to leave and never come back. Like I didn’t know how to keep breathing in a world where he wasn’t beside me.”

“Imagine how the poor guy has been feeling for the last few days.”

I nodded. God, he was right. I had been so focused on my thoughts, when my heart had been leading me to him the whole time. “I don’t want to fight the memories anymore. I want to go home.”

“Welcome back, Penny.” He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead like he had all those years ago. A friendship kiss. Nothing more and nothing less.

Tyler may have saved me tonight, but he wasn’t my knight in shining armor. James was. He always had been. He saved me when I didn’t even realize I needed saving. And if that wasn’t a sign that he was my soul mate, what on earth was? I didn’t need all my memories to see that.

“As soon as we talk to the police we can get you home. They’ll have some questions. And Dr. Nelson will finally be in custody.”

He hadn’t stirred at all. Tyler must have really knocked him out.

“You’re okay, right? You’re not hurt at all?”