This Is Love

27

“Scarlett loves you, baby. How about we go let her know that you’re home. She’s probably still awake if she just ate ice cream anyway.”

“True.” I gripped James’ hand tightly as we walked up the stairs together. I had been so worried about remembering that I hadn’t thought about what Scarlett remembered. What if she didn’t recognize the real me? What if she preferred my 19-year-old mind more? Was that possible?

Melissa and Josh were sleeping on the floor. Her head was in his lap, and Scarlett’s favorite book, Be Careful What You Joust For, was on the floor by Josh’s hand, like he had dropped it as he dozed off. Melissa always wore a lot of makeup, but whatever was on her face right now was definitely overboard. And completely horrible. Her lipstick was basically all over her face. The eyeshadow had also left her eyelids. Josh’s hair had been pulled into two pigtails that could really only be described as horns with bows. I stifled a laugh. They looked absolutely ridiculous.

“I put Aunt Melissa and Uncle Josh to sleep for you,” Scarlett said. “They were hard to put down.”

I pulled my eyes away from the sleeping couple to see Scarlett sitting in her bed eating a huge bowl of ice cream. Well, technically it wasn’t even a bowl. It was a saucepan, which was one of the only cabinets she could get into without finding a way to crawl up onto the counter. She was holding the handle in one hand and a huge spoon used for stirring things on the stove in the other. The saucepan was balancing precariously on one knee.

“Scar, what are you doing?” I asked. “You’re not allowed to eat ice cream before bed and you know it.”

“But they said it was okay and that I could have as much as I wanted.” She pulled the saucepan tightly to her chest. “I didn’t do anything bad.”

“And what have we said about lying?”

“Well, that’s bad. But I didn’t do that. I’m always a good girl.” She looked down at her ice cream and then back up at me. A smile broke over her face. “Lying’s bad! My mommy told me it was bad! Only my real mommy knows about lying rules!” She launched herself out of her bed, knocking the saucepan onto her comforter. I didn’t even care that she had made a mess. All I cared about was her. I knelt down to catch her in my arms.

“Mommy.” She started to cry, her little body shaking against mine.

I clutched her even tighter. “It’s okay, Scar. I’m back. And I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

“I didn’t think you’d ever come back. I thought you left me.”

“No, no, baby girl.” I kissed the top of her head. “I’d never leave you.”

“But you did. You left me and Daddy and Liam. You left us. Why’d you leave us? Was it something I did wrong? Because I’m sorry.”

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong.” God, I hated that she thought any of this was her fault. How could I fix this? I looked up at James.

He was quickly wiping under his eyes. He turned away from me when he noticed I was staring. My heart felt like it was cracking into pieces. I had hurt both of them so much.

“I’m the one that’s sorry,” I said. “I got hurt. I couldn’t remember. And I’m so so sorry.”

“But it’s all my fault. I tried to tell you about the snapes and no one believed me.” She was sobbing now, soaking my shirt in tears and snot, but I didn’t care in the slightest. “It’s my fault the snapes got you.”

“No, no, no. Shhhh.” I ran my hand up and down her back. “None of this was your fault. Don’t think that for a second. You can’t control other people’s intentions, sweetie.”

“What is intentions?” She sniffled loudly.

“It means…plans. That doctor had plans that weren’t nice. But none of that was your fault. And he’s locked up now. He’ll never hurt us again. I promise.”

“And you’ll never leave again?”

“I’ll never leave you again, Scar. Never.”

She pulled away and put her hands on both sides of my face. She stared into my eyes like she could read my soul. And then she nodded. “Only my mommy looks at me like that.”

I was trying not to cry. “Like what, Scar?”

“Like…like I’m never bad.”

Oh, sweetie. I pulled her back into a hug.

I glanced up at James again. He had quickly composed himself. For the first time tonight, I realized how tired he looked.

“We should get to bed, Scar,” I said.

She wrapped her arms tighter around my neck. “I want to sleep with you and Daddy.”

James nodded with a smile. “You two go get ready for bed. I’ll clean all this up. And you’re going to need this.” He leaned down and picked up Scarlett’s favorite book.

Monday - James

I put the saucepan onto the drying rack and turned off the water. I was exhausted. If I sat down on the kitchen floor right now, I was pretty sure I’d fall asleep. And I’d wake up with pigtails and makeup all over my face like poor Melissa and Josh. I didn’t have the heart to wake them up. I had just covered them with a blanket and left them on the floor of Scarlett’s bedroom. They looked as exhausted as I felt.

I ran my hand down my face. I hadn’t expected to feel so much emotion when Scarlett jumped into Penny’s arms. Clearly I needed to pull myself together. Or maybe I just needed sleep. Penny needed me to be strong right now. Falling apart wasn’t an option. But all I wanted to do was hold Penny as tightly as I could. And thank her for coming back. And beg her to never leave again. My daughter wasn’t the only one that depended on Penny. Honestly, I probably depended on her even more than my child. I needed her like the air I breathed. I sighed and tossed the dry towel on top of the saucepan. It could wait until morning. Right now, I just needed to fall asleep with my arms wrapped around my beautiful wife.