The Rise of A Phoenix

Chapter Three- The Past Comes Back To Haunt Me

Suddenly, a sharp pop punctuated the air, followed by a loud snap. The nurse caught me underneath the armpit as my right crutch fell towards the ground with a clatter and my right leg folded under me.

Gasping in pain, I said,

“I can't walk on my right hip. I think I messed it up badly. It's my good side. I had femoral rodding done on it years ago. Can someone get me a wheelchair? I think that the rod might be loose. It hurts like hell, but I know that you can't give me anything until the X-rays are done. It's not the first time I've done this whole thing…just FYI. I'm an orthopedic surgery veteran. Just remember to forewarn the nurses that I have a rod before they roll me on that side.”

Looking at me, Tommy then said,

“Yeah, let me go find a nurse for you and I'll tell them.”

He went to get a nurse for me and when he found one said,

“My girlfriend needs a wheelchair, and so you know she has a rod in her right hip.”

When the nurses came with a wheelchair , they loaded me into it gingerly, taking my crutches with them.

“We'll make sure that you get these back after we wheel you up to the ER and the doctors look you over, Ms. McFadden. My name's Alicia.”

I looked over at Tommy, noticed how panicked he looked, and tried to explain that this was old hat to me. I drew a breath in and out before I spoke to him, replying,

“Darling, I need you to be as level-headed as possible because you need to call my mother and tell her I'm here and that something might be wrong with my right hip. The last thing I want is her panicking and rushing up here when we don't know anything yet. I'm sure it's nothing to be panicked about…yet. Emphasis on yet.”

I was panicking internally, but I was trying to put on a brave face for him and Renee because I didn't want either of them to see me break down in fear.

After all, I had almost single-handedly delivered twins...What was this to me? Tommy held my hand and once the doctor came in I took over.

Tommy left to break the news about me to my mother who took it surprisingly well given the circumstances that had taken place in the last few hours. She was in shock at the situation…all of it. He had to explain the part about Renee twice because she was almost in disbelief at it, even though she was a nurse herself.

“My daughter did what–how the hell…Where are you? Do I need to be there? I can get there in two hours if the weather holds. Tell my daughter that I am coming to her now, Tommy,” Then he heard the click as the phone hung up.

I was having X-rays done when he got back to where they had me in the ER. He heard what he thought was me yelping in pain from the hallway, but he tamped down the urge to run to me because he heard a nurse's voice as she steadied a needle and placed an

IV before they rolled me onto my hip to get accurate films of it.

“Damn, this hurts like hell! A little forewarning would have been nice here, guys,” I said through gritted teeth.

“You really couldn't give me the meds first?, " I said as the tech held my hip still to finish the X-rays.

“One last film and then we'll be done here, Ms. McFadden. Deep breaths and stay still. You're doing great,” she said with a smile.

The nurse didn't know how hard that was because my muscles were contracting almost of their own will as though my hip was in a vise. This is what my muscles did when they spasmed severely. Everything went tense and hurt like hell. It took everything I had to stay completely still because they only had my hip held in place by their own hands resting flat on it so they wouldn't show up on the X-ray and botch the film.

“One, two, three. We are done.” the nurses chorused in unison. The nurses then gently lifted me off the X-ray table and put me back in the bed they had wheeled me up to the radiology suite on. When the nurse came back with me, Tommy wanted to ask her if I was doing okay. Instead, he asked the nurse about the X-rays but she said they couldn't tell them anything until the doctor received and read them.

As for me, I was exhausted and fighting the pain radiating from my tailbone down to my hips and so I closed my eyes for just a second, only to be startled awake by the orthopedic surgeon knocking on the door. He strode into the room and put the X-rays up on the light board before he stopped at the sink, washed his hands, and introduced himself to me.

“I'm Dr. Morrison. And who are we?” he asked with a sweeping motion of his left hand towards Tommy and I.

“Hi, my name is Thomas Yurechko and this is my girlfriend, Brittany McFadden. Nice to meet you, Dr . Morrison.”

He then turned towards me with a small look of concern. “ What brings you here, Ms. McFadden? I think I can guess, but I need to hear it from you.”

“Ah…do I need to start from the beginning, Doc? It's an unbelievable story.,” I asked with a small giggle at myself. “Please do,” he said to me matter of factly.

“ Let's see… I delivered a set of twins whose mother is currently in this very hospital. My boyfriend and I rode here in a taxi, then I went with him to the Labor and Delivery floor, at which point I collapsed because my right hip snapped and my leg folded up under me and I nearly fell. That, in a nutshell, is how I ended up here, sir.,” I finished with a glance over at the X-rays on the board. Dr. Morrison then shifted toward the X-rays of my right hip, exhaling a breath before he began to speak.

“Well, Ms. McFadden, I can say that you got lucky here because the rod is still intact. There is evidence of dislocation, so we may have to go in and relocate the rod back to its proper place. However, we can do that first thing in the morning. I know you know what that entails.,” he said with a reassuring smile.

“ I do, Dr. Morrison, I do.,” I replied, trying to stay internally calm so the fear wouldn't show in my voice and on my face.

However, my thoughts were racing, the tears were threatening to flow from my eyes and the breath caught in my chest and made it nearly impossible to exhale. As soon as he left the room and the door closed, all hell broke loose and I finally cried.

Tommy sat by me, held my hand, and said,

“Everything will work out and you're gonna be okay, I promise you. I'll be right there fighting with you by your side at all times. You’ve got this, I know you do,”

“ That's not the point. The point is that I will be back in a wheelchair again while I heal…and I didn't want you to have to see me like that…so helpless and small. It's my biggest fear.”

“It doesn't matter if you're in a wheelchair or not, I'll still love you the same,” Tommy said.

“We'll make it through this together. I promise you that.” I was all business when I finally spoke again.

“Okay, I need you to call my mother and tell her that I have to go in for surgery in the morning. Tell her that I am fine and they are relocating the rod because it came loose. Then we can figure out what we need to do next. Are you good with that?” I asked with a smile. “Okay, sounds good.”, Tommy said as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket.

Once he got hold of my mother he told her that I had to go in for surgery because the doctors were relocating the rod in my right hip but I was fine. When my mother asked him if she needed to come to the hospital he said, “Yes, she needs all the support she can get from you and me.” She said,

“Okay, I'll be there in two hours. If they put her under before I get there, tell her that I will see her when she's through. She’s old hat at this whole thing anyway. She'll be fine.,” my mother said, barely hiding the laughter in her voice.

Little did he know, that was her way of coping with the situation and the stress that came with it. He then told my mother, “We'll see you when you get here.” Tommy got off the phone and he stayed by my side until I went into surgery.

When it was time for me to go into the OR, I offered him a small smile and said,” I’ve got this one babe. That's my cue to make a swift exit.,” as they handed me the consent form for the anesthesia and I read it, signing my name to it and date and timing the form. They marked my hip with their initials next so that they weren't going in on the wrong side of my body. The IV was placed already, so the anesthesiologist gave me sedatives through it and then they wheeled me away.

I looked back and saw Tommy crying but I couldn't afford to have my blood pressure rise, otherwise they would have trouble putting me under, so I looked away before I started to cry as well. They got me back into the OR, lifted me onto the table and I said bravely,

“Let's get this done. Make me hurt for a good reason here, Doc. I know what comes next. Count me off,” I said as I lifted the oxygen mask, put it over my face, and counted to ten in my head.

The last thing I heard as I drifted away on the cloud of anesthesia was the anesthesiologist at my head saying,

“She's out. We're good.” and then there was nothing.

While Tommy was waiting for the surgery to be over, my mother arrived and asked,

“Did she go into surgery already?” He said, "Yes. They just took her back to the OR.” While they both were waiting for me to get done, they introduced themselves to one another. They had never met because the relationship was still in its early days and my mother worked in Pittsburgh at UPMC St. Margaret as an orthopedic rehab nurse and she couldn't make the three hour round trip.

“Hello, Ms. Mahon, my name is Thomas Yurechko. It’s very nice to meet you,” he said as he sat down in the chair next to her. The next hour and a half passed slowly and Tommy was pacing the floor as the doctor came out to them.

” Are you family? I'm Dr. Morrison. Her surgery was a success and she should be awake within the hour if she isn't already.,” he said with a smile. My mother exhaled a breath and said,

“See, I told you, Tommy. Old hat. Piece of cake.”

“Yeah, you were right, Ms. Mahon.” Tommy said with a smile as they stood up and walked back to where the nurses had me in recovery.

“Hi, guys. They got me good. This hurts like hell, Mom. What the eff did I do? Oh, I know what I did…stupid rod dislocated and effed my hip up again. No, I'm not fine. Ow…Wow, this hurts.” Such phrases as these left my mouth as I steadied myself up in the bed with a grunt of effort.

Tommy held my hand and said,

“All that matters is that your surgery was a success and that you’re still here with us.” I squeezed his hand and said,

”Of course, I'm still here. God ain't done with me yet…and Jesus said he doesn't want me at the gate. What are you worried about?” Tommy said,

“I was worried that your surgery wouldn't be a success, but it turned out that I had nothing to worry about.”

I replied with a smile,

“Of course not, I'm an orthopedic surgery veteran, remember? Six weeks and I will be back on my own two feet. Right, Mom?” Then my mother said,

“That's right, you'll be on your own two feet in no time. You've always healed fast. You'll need to keep your legs from coming together as you sleep though, so I suggest you put something between your knees since they haven't given you a foam separator. Or don't sleep on that side. Either one works fine.” After that Tommy told me to get some rest and see how I felt in the morning.

Before Tommy left me, I stopped him and asked him to stay the night with me because I didn't want to be in the hospital by myself because it brought back too many bad memories and my mother was working, so she couldn't stay with me.

So he replied,

“I'll stay the night with you and keep you company.” I gave him a small smile and said that I was grateful for him being there for me. Tommy saw the look of pain crossing my face, counted the breaths between my sentences, and said, “It knocked you flat, didn't it, Brit?” I exhaled and said, “Yeah, Hemingway, it did. That's what always happens to me though. ‘Tis nothing.”

“ Well, try and get some rest and see how you feel in the morning. Does that sound good?” Tommy asked.

“Ah, Hemingway? I uh, need you to make a swift exit. I have to get the nurse in here because I have to pee. I'm not going to subject you to seeing me half naked and possibly with a catheter sticking out of my you know where. This is already embarrassing enough.,” I said before pushing the call button for the nurse.

“Okay. I'll step out of the room. Let me know when you're ready for me to come back in.”

“Thank you, Hemingway. The floodwaters are cresting here and…oh thank God, there's the nurse,” I said as he was leaving the room and the nurse came in.

“Well, Ms. McFadden, let's get this show on the road and get you squared away here. I'm Meredith and I'm your nurse for the evening. We have to get you up and moving here. I will get you a wheelchair so you can use the bathroom. We are well aware of how this goes. Your mother filled the staff in before she left here.”

“Well then, I don't need to speak. Thank God for my mother.”, I said as she grabbed the transfer board and handed it to me. It made it harder to get over the edge of the bed, so I just grabbed the wheelchair and slid over that way. Now I know how paraplegics feel. This is so freaking hard. I thought to myself as I steadied my body in the chair and rolled it towards the bathroom.

Meredith was following behind me. I was exhausted and couldn't stand up well enough on my left side to shift over so she grabbed me up under the arms and she shifted me over to the toilet that way. The next thing we heard was the rush of liquid leaving my body.

“That's what we need to hear because your body is processing the medicine out of your bloodstream and you are still getting rid of your liquids how you're supposed to. Let's finish getting you cleaned up here and then I will make a note of it for me and the rest of your nursing team,” Meredith said as she steadied me with a hand on my back and her arm.

Getting back to bed and into it was easier but it was still exhausting. I was still unable to put weight on my right side. My hip was still healing and any body weight or a pressure load on it would ruin everything that Dr. Morrison had just done on my hip and leg surgically. It was a challenge to make sure that I was only supporting weight with the left side of my body because that was my nondominant side and therefore it was weaker than the right. I hoisted myself up onto the bed by my arms while my legs were still dangling in the air and surprised Meredith who was watching me do it.

“Wow, you've got quite a set of arms on you for being so tiny.” she said with a smile.

“It's an occupational hazard of walking around on forearm crutches for most of my life. Been doing it since I was about five years old.”, I replied with a giggle at myself.

“Meredith, can you send my boyfriend back in here on your way out? Please and thank you, darling.”, I added as Meredith was walking towards the door to leave.

“Hey, I'm here, are you doing alright?”

“ Other than my hip feeling like someone is ripping it off my body, I'm awesome, babe. Thanks for asking.” I said this as a spasm rolled through my spine and hips, and exhaled as it rolled through my muscles and they tensed.

“Ah, maybe not…I think I might need to pull out the big guns here and ask for the painkillers. It hurts like hell, baby.”

“I really don't want to though because I hate the way they make me feel, like I am a zombie with no thought process. I know that I won't be able to sleep with the pain like it is though so I guess I'm biting the bullet on this one. I should have remembered that the first twenty four hours after surgery are murder so it's on me for being so stupid and trying to tough it out when I really didn't need to.” Dumbass move, Brit, total dumbass move, I said to myself as I rammed the call button for my nurse. I must have been speaking louder than I meant to because Tommy said,

“At least the surgery is over and done with. You didn’t make a dumbass move, I thought you were being very brave honestly.”

I nodded and replied,

“My point is that I should have remembered that. Rest is key to healing and here I am trying to tough it out like I've got something to prove. Bravery is stupid at this stage. It's almost futile.”

“ I agree with you that rest is key to healing and you were trying to tough it out,” he said.

“Well, that settles it then. Let's get this done and get these meds into me. Night Hemingway.,” I said as I pushed the call button for my nurse who then stood at the door holding my dose cup full of medicine. She handed it to me and watched as I took it and tipped it back in one swallow. “That's done. T-minus 30 and I should be off to sleep.”

I said this with a smile and all the bravery in the world. I felt the medicine hit my bloodstream hard. It always did, especially when it was in liquid form. I was snoring before I knew what hit me. Tommy held my hand, marveling in the soft skin of my body. He whispered to me in the darkness. To him, I looked so peaceful and it really tugged at his heart.

Dear God, bless my baby. She needs you now. Carry her because she can't carry herself right now and she has the world on her shoulders. She's alone, but she's rising and learning who and what she is. Her family’s trashing her and her success without them, saying that she is too weak to survive being independent and she'll fail. Please give her strength to make a full recovery and keep progressing forward. In Jesus’ Name, Amen. He knelt there crying as I slowly stirred awake.

“Hey there, Hemingway. What's with the tears? Come here. You can still hug me. I'm not made of glass,” I said, extending my arms towards him with a smile.

“I'm crying because I was afraid you wouldn't make a full recovery but I was wrong, It's a miracle right? I’m just glad that you're doing well.”

” I'm not out of the woods yet, Hemingway. I won't be until I walk again. I still have to make it through a hellish round of physical therapy. Until I get back to being me again, I have a long road ahead. You can say that I made it six weeks from now when I go back to therapy. Sorry baby, I'm just being honest here.”

“It's okay, I know you were being honest when you said that and I'm happy that you're getting physical therapy so you can learn to walk again.”

“It’s standard practice for recovering from this kind of injury, especially when you have my condition.”, I said matter of factly.

To me, this whole thing was just a reminder that I was one of the ones that were capable of doing things with their life and it just drove me to push myself harder.

The sleepless night that followed my surgery was a long one and I had a lot of time to think. The heart monitor next to my head kept time for my thoughts with its beeping. It was like a bad iambic pentameter exercise in its rigid regularity and it made it nearly impossible to get any sleep.

Topping it off were the nurses waking me up for a round of vital signs every four hours. I was nearly driven insane by it because any normal sleep cycle was impossible.

Wow, twelve hours in and it's looking like I won't get any sleep tonight so hydroxyzine here I come, I thought to myself as I watched the rise and fall of Tommy's chest as he breathed, asleep and dead to the world. I stared up at the ceiling as another spasm rolled through my hips and spine and timed out my breath in my head, using a five beat rhythm.

This was the rhythm used for combat breathing, which the armed forces used to slow their hearts down while shooting firearms because the slightest tremor affects their ability to aim accurately. I used the technique for holistic pain management.

One, two, three, four, five, exhale. One, two, three,four, five, inhale. Repeat. Just like Dad taught you when you had blood drawn. Count until your heart slows to something approximating normal. I reminded myself