Care Less, Cowgirl

Chapter 7

Chapter 7Steph

“Aah.”

Lilou whimpered and twisted away and Steph grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her back onto the pillow.

“Lie still,” she growled, “I am not finished with you yet.”

Skin glistening with sweat in the light of the multitude of candles, Lilou arched her back against the restraints—a scarf that they kept in the nightstand drawer for exactly that purpose—her eyes heavy with desire.

Slowly, deliberately, Steph twisted first one n****e, then the other. Perching on the side of the bed, as lying down next to Lilou made her look less in charge, she gauged Lilou’s reactions, increasing the pressure in tiny increments as Lilou had taught her.

“Ow.” Lilou suddenly jerked one slippery n****e out of Steph’s grasp, managing to turn almost completely sideways in her mock attempt to escape, so Steph was forced to yank her back.

The first time this had happened, Steph had stopped instantly and untied her, horrified at having hurt Lilou, who had only laughed and insisted she keep going. To her it was all a big game, and to keep Lilou happy, Steph had grudgingly learned to play it. Just undressing her tonight had taken a good thirty minutes. Lilou had enjoyed it as Steph had known she would, getting more aroused with every piece of clothing removed, but Steph had wanted to do more for her. And how Lilou’s eyes had lit up when she pulled that scarf out of the drawer! Enough of that. She needed to get back to business, and fast, before she broke the spell.

“Lie still, b***h!”

Steeling herself, Steph slapped Lilou on the cheek hard enough to make it sting. Lilou flinched and a single tear pooled in one eye. Steph gritted her teeth against it, focusing instead on how Lilou’s lips parted, how her breath came heavily and fast.

God, how she longed to tear her own clothes off and crawl into bed next to her. How sweet it would be to simply—

Unfortunately that was not an option, not if she didn’t want to spoil the mood.

“Spread your legs!”

Lilou didn’t, of course, so Steph pried them open, using first her hands, and when Lilou still resisted, her knee. Great. It had to be full force tonight, then. Again.

Shoving her knee upward, she bit down on Lilou’s n****e. Lilou cried out as wetness gushed from her, soaking Steph’s knee. This was only the beginning, though. Using her weight to hold Lilou in place, Steph replaced her knee with the hand that was brandishing the dildo.

Lilou’s scream when she shoved the dildo in sounded a little too genuine for Steph’s liking. But she didn’t dare stop now. So she kept going, in and out, harder, harder still, faster, until her hand ached and she had reduced Lilou to a blubbering, but satisfied, mess.

Steph always knew the moment Lilou recovered. Holding her close, she felt her stop shivering, felt her gradually retreat into herself as Lilou morphed once again into the woman the outside world saw. Strong, invincible Lilou. Steph let go of her an instant before Lilou pushed away, priding herself on her timing.

“Lilou.”

“Hmm?”

Steph bit her lip. Exhausted as she was, her body nevertheless hummed with her own pent-up desire. Knowing how much Lilou despised pleading, she rubbed herself against Lilou’s leg instead.

“Oh.”

Halfheartedly, Lilou reached for her, but it was all the invitation Steph needed. Moments later she cried out, her release swift, but powerful and sweet. Shuddering, she clung to Lilou for as long as she dared, before letting out one long contented sigh.

“That was great. Thank you.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Suddenly wide awake, Steph propped herself up on one elbow.

“What’s wrong?”

Nothing, just Lilou’s slow and measured breaths. Most of the candles had flickered out by then. Only one was still burning, throwing shadows that obscured most of Lilou’s face. Steph was tempted to turn the light on, but Lilou would hate that. Suddenly the room became bright, Lilou herself having flipped the switch.

“I hadn’t planned on doing it now, but since you’ve pretty much figured it out anyway—”

She reached for her robe and Steph’s heart fell as she scrambled for her own.

“No, don’t bother! I was just getting cold.”

Her tone said otherwise and the smile she gave Steph just then did nothing to alleviate Steph’s fears. Something was terribly, horribly wrong. And, what was worse, Steph didn’t have a clue.

“It’s been like this for a while now, you know. Things are good between us, sure, but not, well—” She grimaced, letting Steph know it hurt her to say it. “Special. I need more, Steph. You know I do.”

“More of what?” Steph choked out, already dreading the answer.

“Oh, you know. Decisiveness. Intent. I need to feel you mean it. Want it. Sure, you go through all the motions, but it’s not you. Your heart isn’t in it.”

Phh.

“I hate hurting you.” Steph bit her lower lip until she tasted blood. “I can do better, though. I just have to get into the right mind set. Maybe if we—?”

“No.” Lilou’s hand came to rest on Steph’s shoulder. “It’s time we branched out. No matter how hard you try, you simply can’t give me what I need. You don’t have it in you. And no effort on your part is going to change that. Shh, don’t say it! Besides, it’s not like I can give you what you most desire either.”

You won’t, you mean. Steph’s eyes burned.

“Nothing has to change. We can still do what we do now. Live our life. But I won’t lie to you. I will be going out more and I will look at other people. Men, probably. But other women, too. You can do the same, of course. As long as we’re honest with one another it won’t be a problem.”

“But I don’t want to look at anyone else.” Tears were running down Steph’s cheeks, and she didn’t bother to check them. “I love you, Lilou. I love you.”

“And I you. But sometimes that’s just not enough.”

It was for Steph.

“I’m sorry.” Lilou pulled her close.

She held her as Steph sobbed uncontrollably, patted her back and made soothing noises. But it was no use. Lilou was lost to her. For all that she was consoling Steph now, being tender and kind and understanding, Lilou might as well have moved to another planet already.