Grace in the Shadows

Chapter 8

8

Michelle beamed at her. “Esther, good to see you.”

“You have an impressive memory. Or did you have to check?”

“I don’t forget people like you.”

Esther raised an eyebrow.

“People who are humorous, polite, and actually talk to the staff.” Michelle worried her lower lip with her teeth. “This might sound odd, but I remember you because you bring joy with you.”

“It doesn’t sound odd to me. I am joyful.”

Lord, please keep other people away for a while and give me the words. You’ve promised you would. “Have you ever been curious about why I was joyful?”

“I have, and it baffles me. Most people who come here are angry and fearful. You were like that the first time I met you, but after that, you were more joyful every time.” She glanced at the clock on the far wall.

“I’ll get out of the way if anyone else needs your attention,” Esther said. Lord, it’s been a long week. Give me energy. She leaned against the counter. “You’re right. Everyone starts scared and alone, but cancer proved a blessing because it forced me to confront things I’d have preferred to avoid. It exposed the lies I’d believed.”

“What lies?”

“I presumed God would heal me, and I was angry when he didn’t.” How would Michelle respond to the idea of God in a conversation?

“Having cancer sounds like a good reason to be angry at God.”

Lord, help me know what to say.

A childhood story flashed into Esther’s mind and she said, “We tend to treat God like a genie in a lamp, as though his job is to grant wishes and give us a smooth ride through life. If that was what God was like, everyone would sign up for his team but we’d sign up for what we could get out of God, not for who he is.”

Michelle’s eyes remained focused on her.

“Since accepting God for who he is, I’ve discovered Jesus gives far better gifts than healing.”

“Like what?”

That was the right kind of question. “Not at all what we expect. We want healing from whatever plagues us but God tells us, ‘You’ve got a bigger problem. Let’s deal with that first’.”

“What could be worse than cancer?”

“Could I tell you a brief story?”

“A story? That sounds okay,” Michelle said.

Esther cleared her throat. “Jesus came to a town where there was a paralysed man. The man’s four friends lifted up his mat and carried him towards Jesus.”

Michelle sat motionless. Was she bored or intrigued?

“They couldn’t get anywhere near Jesus because of the crowds, but they refused to give up. They took their friend up onto the flat roof, dug right through it, and lowered him down in front of Jesus. Jesus looked at the man and said … Well, what do you think he said?”

“You’re healed.”

“That’s what everyone was expecting, but Jesus said, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”

Michelle narrowed her eyes.

Esther hurried on. “There was a group of religious experts there and they thought, ‘Who does Jesus think he is? No one can forgive sin but God alone.’ Jesus knew what they were thinking in their hearts. He asked them, “Which is easier? To say to this man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk?’ But to let you know I have the power to forgive sin, I say, “Take up your mat and walk.”’ Immediately, the paralysed man jumped to his feet, rolled up his mat, and went home.”

Michelle tilted her head. “So you’re saying our greatest problem is sin? I’ve never thought I was a bad person.”

Esther had already had this conversation with others and had learned what to say.

“We define sin in terms of crimes.”

“How else can it be defined?”

Another brilliant question and there was still no one nearby. Late afternoon appointments were obviously the way to go.

Michelle was old enough that she’d probably gone to Sunday School.

“Do you remember what the snake said to Eve in the Garden of Eden?”

Michelle nodded.

“Eve’s decision led to all the pain and chaos in this world.”

Michelle’s brow furrowed. “I can’t see how eating a piece of fruit is such a big deal.”

Lord, give me the right question.

“But why did she eat it?”

“Maybe she felt God was holding out on her by not giving her everything.”

Esther never knew what question to ask in advance, but once Michelle responded, God placed an appropriate question in her mind. She’d missed the excitement of working in tandem with God. Her tiredness had disappeared.

“And was God holding out on her?”

Silence made Esther want to jump in with answers, but Joy had taught her to follow Jesus’s model and ask questions.

Michelle’s mouth formed an ‘o.’ “God wasn’t stingy at all. He’d given them everything except one kind of fruit.”

Esther almost cheered. Instinct told her explaining was faster than asking questions, but sometimes instinct was wrong. “So why did Eve want to eat the fruit? Let me quote the snake. ‘You will not die. For God knows when you eat it you’ll become like him, knowing good and evil.’”

“Is it …” Michelle c****d her head to one side. “Is it that she wanted to be like God?”

“That’s it.” Esther smiled, the smile of hearty congratulation. “That attitude is what God means by sin.”

“You mean God’s view of sin is that we try to be God?”

“And what is God like?” Did Michelle have enough biblical background to answer?

“Well, he created the universe and set it running.”

So Michelle did have some background. “And do you think he was good?”

“I’m not sure about now, but I think he was at the beginning.”

Esther wanted to defend God, but where would she start? Her mind was blank. Lord, help. What’s most important?

Within milliseconds the words were in her mind.

“You said Adam and Eve wanted to replace God at the centre of his universe. They wanted to be the sun and for everything to revolve around them. Sin is saying, ‘I’m the centre, I’m number one, I’m God.’”

“And that’s our real problem?”

“Yes. Not cancer or paralysed legs, but that we don’t know God. And worse, don’t care to know him. So Jesus came to restore our friendship with God. Once we accept him, then he gives peace and joy.”

Michelle stared at her.

“Even if this cancer kills me, I know I’ll go to be with Jesus forever.” What an incomparable promise. “That’s why I’m joyful.”

“Perhaps God did another miracle.” Michelle twirled a lock of hair. “Normally we’d have been interrupted long ago. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

Would they ever have another conversation like this? How could she keep Michelle moving forward in her understanding?

“Do you have a modern version of the Bible at home?”

“We have a Bible.” Michelle pursed her lips. “But I’m not sure it’s modern.”

“I’ll bring one in next week.”

“You don’t have an appointment.”

“I only work next door. I’ll bring it in a bag with your name on the outside. The Bible’s a thick book, and that scares some people, so I’ll suggest some sections to read. Many people think the Bible is a book of rules but more than half of it is historical stories.”

“I’d forgotten about the stories.”

Not one interruption. God had answered her prayers at last.

“I’d better not forget to get an appointment. Dr Webster said three months from now but I wanted to ask a favour. Are you able to tell me when Robert Boyle is booked in?”

“Is that the guy you usually talk to when you’re here?”

“Yes, I’d prefer to come when there is someone friendly to talk to.”

“I’m not supposed to tell you about other clients, but I’ll check for you. You’ve lined up appointments before, and I doubt you have evil intent.”

Esther hadn’t thought her request might make matters awkward for Michelle. “It’s okay if it’s not possible.”

Michelle frowned and checked the calendar. “You’d have to wait an extra week.”

“I doubt a week will be a problem. I’ll return in a few days with a Bible.”

Michelle looked up to smile at someone approaching behind Esther. “Your stories make me want to read it for myself.”

Esther arrived home drained but on a high. Two wonderful conversations. Why was it that she could talk so easily with everyone but her own family? Dad was virtually impossible nowadays and even Mum had secrets.

Esther chopped up some broccoli and popped it in a saucepan. She’d just have time to change out of her work clothes and lay the table. She set the slow cooker going every morning so that most of the meal was done when she arrived home.

Naomi leaned on the counter to get the cutlery out of the drawer. She insisted on helping even if she couldn’t yet carry much to the table.

Esther gnawed her lip. Did Gran have secrets too?

“Gran, do you remember the conversation at the hospital with Joy and Gina?”

“There were quite a few conversations.”

Was Gran being evasive? She’d never seemed anything other than open and honest up until now.

“I’ve been having vivid dreams about an older sister. When I mentioned them to Mum, she clammed up.”

Naomi fiddled with the forks on the counter. “Childlessness is a touchy subject with your mum.”

“We weren’t talking about childlessness.”

“Well, talking about sisters hurts her. Your mum always longed for a big family.”

Had Mum had miscarriages? Or a child that died? If that was the case, why hadn’t anyone said anything?

Esther clenched her fists behind her back. She wasn’t a child. Why did her parents treat her like one? And why did Naomi seem to be in cahoots? She wasn’t going to push the issue today, but the topic wasn’t over yet. Not by a long way.