Irrevocably Lost In The Twilight

Confession

Paris, Summer 2020 France

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I drove to Paris, speeding, now that I had a purpose. In town, I went directly to her home. But sensing that she had not returned, I changed directions. I parked the car on a side street instead of the college parking lot.

Well, okay, I do too much, I know.

Two days had passed without seeing her. Her face had accompanied me everywhere, but it was only a memory. I preferred the reality! The fact that she existed; it will always be an unsolved mystery for me! As if she knew I was waiting for her, as if she felt the misery I experienced when I was unable to see her, Alma came out accompanied by Vera after I had spent a long hour getting nervous inside my car. Her backpack was hung on her shoulder, and her phone suspended in her hand.

"Alma, Vera!" I recognized Alex's voice.

He had nothing to do with his life, except hang out behind them?

"He's not here, your stranger." said Vera after casting a glance around.

"He told me, two days ago, that he would be back very late at night," she confessed, hanging her head and sighing.

"No need to wait, then! How about a trip to the park? Alex, you can drop us off?" Vera seemed determined to approach the situation honestly.

"I don't know. I don't have time to go to the park. I have—"

"Alex, do not change your schedule for us, we'll make it." Alma wanted to exonerate him.

"And Alex, we don't want you to join us," said Vera, "just drop us off." She looked at Alma: "He irritates me, he is always at our feet."

"Um, Vera?"

"Yes," she replied, unruffled.

"Are you sure that you are okay? You are no longer in love with him?" she whispered.

"Good heavens, no! I do not know how I have been so blind!" she said, swinging her head repeatedly. "Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Tsk!"

Alex had managed to catch up to them, and continued as if nothing had happened: "Buttes Chaumont? Is that it?"

"Forget it, Alex!" Vera said.

Alex went on, without noticing Vera's attitude change. "I can drop you off, but we have to go quickly. My mother is waiting for me. She came for shopping and doesn't like to be put off for anyone. Come on! Get in fast! "

They reached his car, and all three went got in quickly, without saying a word. Why did I let her go? Even if was just Vera. What did I have in mind?

Raging, I started the engine and followed them at distance. At the park, I was spying from afar trying to discern if even only a tiny change in Alma's attitude might have occurred during my absence. Silently, I climbed up on a high tree branch - the nearest to them. I was there, perched between two realities, and it disgusted me a bit, but I convinced myself I was spying on her with the sole and exclusive purpose of getting to know her better.

Alma threw her bag on the grass, and then lay face down as if she was seeking something. Her fingers touched the ground, sifting through it.

Vera pulled out a magazine and sat down besides her, occasionally throwing a glance at her friend. She turned the pages quickly, without paying much attention to detail. Sometimes, with a dark look, she peered around. I thought she could see me in my tower if she was a little more observant.

Alma crossed her ankles. I watched the sun shining and the wind playing with her hair when, suddenly, her body stiffened.

"Ah, I found it!" Her face lit up, but also quickly darkened. She had found a four-leaf clover.

"You know what we say," Vera said, abruptly turning several pages at once.

"Yes, it's a lucky charm."

"So that means that you have found your happiness." She closed her magazine nervously and tossed it aside.

"My happiness," murmured Alma. She turned the little plant between her fingers. Opening the left pocket of her jacket, she placed it gently inside. "And I intend to keep it!" Then she turned on her back and crossed her hands behind her head, eyes half open. Vera sat beside her, in silence. "Vera?"

"Mm."

"I was wondering. Why did you change your attitude about Alex?" A moment later, Alma turned toward her. With a grumpy air, Vera pushed away the magazine and lay down on her back. Alma took a deep breath, as if to calm down, and closed her eyes.

"You know, when we were at the Louvre and we wanted to go and see the art expo?" Vera's voice was distant and trembling.

"Yes."

"As soon as you your stranger, I felt that a force was attracting you to join him. Am I right?" Her eyes sought approval on Alma's face.

Oh, she was talking about me!

She was angry at Alma because of me, for the attraction that she felt for me, but also because she had the courage to cope.

"Yes, you're right." Alma's voice softened.

"I saw that you weren't yourself anymore, as if a part of you was in his hands, and you wanted to recover it. That's why you left us, and joined him, right?"

"Vera, between both of us, I was always the one that didn't really know what was happening," she replied, laughing.

"That day, I envied you. I wanted to be in your place. A few days later, I realized that Alex could never be the same for me." She sighed and tore off a tuft of grass with her fingers. "I'm telling you all this because you are my friend, this is not just envy."

I wanted to believe that Vera was a good person, because apparently, she was the only friend Alma had and it would hurt me to see her suffer. Alma seemed like an introvert and to get her to confess her feelings would be a real achievement. I liked the idea of discovering her, getting behind her words and her childish grimaces, looking at her wiggle her fingers, watching her throw back her hair. She seemed like someone who was self-willed. I felt that when she made a decision, nothing could stop her and this scared me.

"What about now?" Alma asked, wondering.

A phone rang and Vera hastened to answer and reply. "Yes? Who is it?" She twisted a strand of hair as she spoke. "I thought you would never call me." Her voice changed - she was overjoyed. "Yes, if you want." She looked at her watch. "Well, in 30 minutes, yes. Right away!"

Alma scrutinized her friend during this brief exchange, frowning. I could see her preparing to question her, but Vera slipped away.

"I have to go! I'll call you later."

"Vera?" her voice begged.

"Not now, Alma! I don't have time. I will tell you all about it later, I promise!" She picked up her bag, forgetting her magazine.

"Vera! Your magazine!" cried Alma as she handed it to her. "It will help pass the time on the subway and…"

"I'll call you! Later!"

She strode off and Alma remained perfectly still, until a strand of hair fell astray on her face. She was frozen, lying on her back, eyes closed. I looked around; there was no one near. I jumped to the ground, landing on my tiptoes.