Write on me

Chapter 8| They are all right about me, Meredith...

It shouldn’t have been a surprise that the drive to school with my sister was just as silent as breakfast had been. I felt bad for my parents because it made them uncomfortable while we were pretty good at giving each other the silent treatment until we just forgot about it.

That was how it had been when we were younger anyway because we didn’t argue much when we got to high school, just silly teasing but maybe it was because we just shoved it all underneath the rug.

“Please don’t make me wait this afternoon” My sister breath as she closed the backdoor after getting her bag from the backseat.

I rolled my eyes which I tended to do more than usual lately, “You don’t have to be concerned about waiting for me cause I have work at the bookstore this afternoon then I am heading to the restaurant”

“Okay.” She sighed as we walked side by side up the school steps and as soon as we entered I felt everyone’s eyes on us. Their eyes in our direction was something I was used to but not having their eyes on me instead of her.

“I have spent years protecting you from the silly whispers, but I can’t protect you from this when I specifically warned you about going near him” She whispered before she left my side and moved down the hallway to her group of friends while I made my way to my locker all by my lonesome.

“Did you see her sitting with that guy?”

“Makes sense, two loners finding each other”

“He might be dangerous, but he is hot though so why does he give her the time of day?”

“He probably feels sorry for her”

“He is a psychopath. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is found dead in the woods soon”

I tried to shut out as many voices as I could as I grabbed the books I needed from my locker.

I hadn’t appreciated the lack of judgement I had gotten in high school due to my sister’s influence until now. I liked to believe it would die down once they realized it was just a once off exchange and I was sure that wouldn’t be hard to prove since Dane hadn’t wanted me anywhere near him the day before.

I heard a locker slammed shut which caused the sound to echo down the hallway and silenced everyone in its path and I looked in the direction where they were.

It was Dane.

He didn’t even acknowledge that he had taken their attention off me as he moved off towards the classrooms, but I took it as my chance to escape to my class…

I sat on the bleachers during lunchbreak overlooking the soccer field because nowhere felt like a sanctuary anymore. I wasn’t sure who was watching me and judging me, it was different when they were mocking me and whispering about who I was.

I accepted myself, so any judgement cast my way for being a booknerd with bad fashion sense didn’t bother me. But the rumours and judgement I had experienced today were just filled with dark thoughts and were more mean than usual.

They had merely spotted us together and after knowing me for all my life they concluded that I was as good as bad news along with him. I wasn’t sure what they would do if they knew we had kissed as well. I guess it was good the only two people that knew about it were two people that wouldn’t be feeding into their gossip.

“Aren’t you a tough one to track down?” I heard Dane’s voice in the distance and saw him making his way down the steps to my row before taking a seat beside me.

I glanced down at my sneakers that accompanied my sweatpants and baggy t-shirt, I had hoped it would render me extra invisible today but obviously that plan had failed.

“I didn’t know anyone would be intentionally wanting to find me” I shrugged but didn’t look at him as I continued eating my lunch.

I knew if I did I would be hypnotized by his grey eyes and swoon over his hair that refused to stay out of his face.

“Is the princess mad at me?” He cooed, and I tried to hide my confusion at him actually making the effort to be close to me after how hostile he had been the previous day.

He had saved me from further ridicule this morning, but I figured that was just a courtesy act, not that he still wanted to be associated with me.

“You made it clear you didn’t want me near you” I whispered and tried to hide the hurt I still felt.

I heard a loud sigh from beside me, I peeked at his shadow cast below us and watched as he slipped off his hood. He had swapped out his black hoodie for a grey one today and I suppose it was because it probably needed a wash by now. But then again, for all I knew he owned a closet full of black jeans and hoodies. “It wasn’t like that. I was trying to protect you”

Protect me?

“So, the big bad boy wanted to spare me the judgement that would occur just because I was seen with him. I am kind of sick of everyone trying to protect me…” I shook my head as it felt like those words were drilled into my head in the last 24hours when I never asked for anyone to protect me. It didn’t matter how much somebody cared, in the end whatever they did for you would always be thrown back in your face even if they were family.

“You see me for maybe 15minutes out of the day. I go through s**t with these kids because they think I judge them when I don’t even dedicate any time to paying attention to them.” He spat, and I realized I had angered him.

“Welcome to my world for my entire life” I shrugged as I finished my lunch and tried throwing the wrapper in the bin but missed terribly.

“So now you are feeling sorry for yourself cause they saw you with me and made all kinds of assumptions? And mad at me cause I tried to prevent all of that s**t from happening” He snickered, and I wasn’t sure whether he was right or not, but I wasn’t going to dissect it while he was with me.

He had a way of reading my face, so I didn’t want to give him any sort of confirmation that his words were true.

“No. I am annoyed because the thing that caused chaos in my life in the last two days wasn’t even worth it. I never sit in the cafeteria but since you always come to me I figured for once I would join you and you were so mean”

“And I just told you why” He wavered while it wasn’t enough for me.

“A day later after you shunned me”

“I can’t keep up with you, one day you’re like a deer in headlights and the next you are going back and forth with me and now you’re just being a bitch.” He groaned in frustration and pulled at his hair before he stood up.

“Takes one to know one, Dane” I mumbled and knew I could get up at any point to escape the conversation, yet I stayed.

“Why aren’t you looking at me?” He questioned as his large figure loomed a dark shadow over me but I still refused to look at him.

“I don’t want to” I sounded like a small child that refused to take her medicine or get off of her favourite ride at the fair.

“Well I am not leaving until you do” He raised his arms before he let them fall to his side and I knew he was serious.

I sighed as I gave in but stood up, so I could feel less intimidated by him as I stared at his chest and not his legs. I lift my head to stare at him but as soon as I did I wasn’t even able to catch a glimpse of his grey eyes because I was met with his lips on mine.

He ambushed me with a kiss yet again and yet again I found myself returning it. I parted my lips which he graciously took as an invitation to slip his tongue past them and deepened the kiss. His fingers grazed my face before resting in my neck while mine had a mind of their own as they held onto his shoulder while I leaned up on my toes.

I had never craved anything because you couldn’t miss what you never had yet every time my lips touched his it was like I was being exposed to something I had been deprived of for far too long.

I pushed against his chest and he stopped immediately and frowned at me, “I need to go”

It was like I had fallen from cloud nine as I stopped leaning on my tippy-toes and felt my head spinning and lips tingling.

“We’re at school and break isn’t over so where do you need to go this time?” He sighed.

“This is wrong.” I gestured between us and he stared blankly at me while I tried to be aware of my surroundings instead of him.

“Why?”

I couldn’t answer that cause deep down I didn’t see the problem between us at all, but I felt so overwhelmed by everything. My sister’s disappointment and the school showing their hate for me quite obviously and then his strange interest in me. “Because you’re bad news and I promised my sister I would stay away from you and then I broke it and now we are fighting and…”

He chuckled as he ran his hand over his face but there was no humour as he paced up and down the narrow aisle. “I don’t know why you care about breaking promises to your sister when she could care less about you”

I frowned as he spoke about her, “You don’t know anything about my sister and I”

“Do you know that she makes fun of you with her little boyfriend behind your back?”

“So that’s your next big plan? I tell you I want to respect my sister by staying away from the dangerous new guy at school and you want to turn me against her?”

“No. I am just trying to be truthful, remember that day I took you home after soccer practice? I heard them and chose to wait and be a better person unlike your sister. But I am the dangerous guy after all, who carries a knife to school. They are all right about me, Meredith so maybe the best thing you can do is stay the hell away from me” He roared and turned on his heel and left me.

●●●

I tried not to replay the argument that I had with Dane over and over in my head and focus on my essay that was due instead, but I couldn’t. Up until then our dynamic had been playful and confusing, no harm was done, but I had said things and so had he and both of us left truly upset by the other.

I never really had a friend as a teenager, but I liked to believe with our little interactions he had come close to being one or something. I didn’t have much social interactions to be sure what he wanted from me but I guess I would be silly for thinking he would want me as more than a friend. I didn’t understand why I was even thinking those thoughts in the first place…

“Why the long face?” One of the waitresses, Sammy, questioned and thankfully pulled me from one of my regular overthinking sessions.

I wasn’t sure how long she had been in the room, but I realized she had come to the back office to grab something.

She was a few years older than me and was what one could call an acquaintance I guess because she was always kind to me whenever I stopped by and briefly spoke to me as well. Maybe it was just her kissing up to me because my family owned the restaurant, but I didn’t get that vibe from her, she seemed genuine.

“I spent most of my life avoiding people yet I managed to upset the only two people that choose to spend time with me even when I tried to push them away” My eyes widened as the answer had spilled out without any intention on my part.

She smiled and seemed to realize that as she took a seat across from me at my dad’s desk. “Choosing between two guys?”

I laughed loudly at the silly idea, “No. I can barely deal with one guy giving me minimal attention, I am not sure I could handle two.”

“I am happy to hear there is at least one guy in the play though. Then who is the other person involved in this love triangle?”

“It’s not a love triangle. I just made a promise to my sister that I would stay away from the new guy in town and I thought it would be easy because I am usually invisible to everyone else but since he is new he hasn’t gotten that memo yet”

“Ah so you’re into the bad boys. Sounds familiar” She giggled as if reminiscing on her younger days while she had it all wrong.

“I am not into anyone. He has just been around me a lot and I am not sure why”

“Have you ever thought that maybe just maybe someone could actually like you?”

“Have you looked at me?” I blurted out.

“Yes. And there is nothing wrong with you, just because you don’t act like the rest of the teen crowd these days doesn’t mean you’re a troll.”

I giggled, “I didn’t think I was that bad. But, have you seen him? He is absolutely gorgeous and a d**k at the same time.”

“And I am sure quite charming as well” She smirked and that would be an understatement, he wasn’t charming in an obvious way but it was certainly there. I liked to believe I was immune to most things so the fact that I had been seduced into a kiss meant he was very talented.

“I guess. He does make me more talkative than I usually am, even now I find myself speaking more because its about him. It just scares me cause I don’t really recognize myself when I am with him. I feel all these overwhelming feelings and I say things without thinking and I don’t like it. I like to think things through with anyone that isn’t my family and with him its just the opposite. And it hasn’t been in the best way lately.”

She nodded, and I could tell she was actually listening to me which felt nice, I wished I could speak to my sister about how I felt but I feared I would receive a very biased opinion.

“Maybe because he has been invasive for the last couple of weeks you have grown comfortable with him because he seems to be drawn to you so easily.”

“It could be that, but it gets to the point where I just want to give him a taste of his own medicine at times and I have never been a petty person. He was mean to me and I gave him the cold shoulder in return and he was so upset. Why is it that he gets to be mean to me one day and then when I do the same, he declares war and ditches me?” I couldn’t contain the hopelessness in my voice because I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I absolutely hated conflict and with my sister I was used to it here and there but I realized I actually cared about him and hated the way I had handled things.

“I am not going to say he is mean because he likes you, I like to believe by now boys know that won’t get them anywhere. But guys go through more moods than us and while we like to prolong things and have a whole big discussion about why certain things happened they just tend to give a measly apology and expect all to be well.” She wavered with an annoyed tone.

I rest my chin on my hand, “Is that how it is? He just gives a reason and an apology and I just have to accept it?”

“No, you absolutely have the choice whether you want to accept it or not. You have to decide whether his reasoning is acceptable and whether you would be happier cutting him off because of it or whether you will just be torturing yourself by doing so.”

“What if he doesn’t give any apology?”

“Same thing counts. Accept no apology and move on or fight for one and maybe make things worse”

“This is exactly why I avoid people. Its all such a complicated science” I groaned and rest my head on the table while she laughed and I drowned in my misery as a result of social interaction.