Write on me

Chapter 24| I seemed to be the only one he had left to care about...

I heard a knock on my door as I packed my books into my backpack before I slipped on my sweater.

It wasn’t that chilly outside so I had settled on throwing the sweater on to accompany my shorts. I hardly ever wore dresses or shorts to school but I hoped that today wouldn’t be one of the days Dane ditched.

I knew if he were by my side I wouldn’t have to deal with any comments from everyone else.

“Come in” I voiced as I assumed it was one of my parents, but I was surprised as I saw Melissa open the door. “Why did you knock?”

“Did you not complain to me several times that I shouldn’t just burst into your room?” She pointed out as she entered.

“Yeah but when I have gotten used to you bursting through my door every time its kind of weird when you don’t.” I shrugged and wondered what made this morning the exception for her when I had complained for years about it and it had made no difference at all.

I hadn’t seen my sister all weekend due to her sleepover with her friends and I was sure that she would have driven with them to school. I had believed I would only see her at dinner tonight, but I guess she chose to come home last night after I had an early night.

“Is everything okay?” I questioned wearily because I wasn’t sure where we stood since we hadn’t acknowledged what had happened between Dane and Adam or talked about it on our own.

“Yes. I just wanted to talk about the fight and despite me being M.I.A I am not avoiding you. Just because they don’t get along doesn’t mean we have to be at each other’s throats. I honestly don’t have the energy to be at war with you again” She sighed and sat down onto my bed while I tied my hair up as best I could due to the length.

I loved tying my hair into a bun or high ponytail and hadn’t thought about the fact that I would no longer be able to do that once I chopped most of my hair off.

I was happy to hear she hadn’t declared war against me, but I knew she felt like she was being the better person when her boyfriend certainly hadn’t been. “I get that, but I hope you realize that unlike you I didn’t just take Dane’s side for the sake of it”

She stared around my room before she focused on me, “I know that all Dane wanted to do was stick up for you but maybe resorting to violence wasn’t the best idea on his part. Adam was very upset because he has never been in detention before…”

“Maybe he shouldn’t have provoked Dane then.” I subtly snapped which she caught as she snapped in return.

“Dane was the one that tried to corner him, Meredith.”

“Do you know why?” I narrowed my eyes at her briefly before I picked up one of my textbooks from my desk that I had forgotten to put into my bag.

“He is my boyfriend, but I can’t control what he says, especially when I am not there. You know how those jocks are, they say stupid things and Adam just feels like he needs to go along with it”

“You don’t even know what he said but you are defending him.” I sighed. “I will agree that violence wasn’t the best answer, but Dane didn’t even punch him that hard. He was just upset because Adam's words had hurt me because he cares about me and for once I would just like to feel like you would choose me over Adam”

“I always choose you over Adam. We already spoke about it and he regrets saying the things he did but like I said, his friends just bring out that stupid side” She rolled her eyes and seemed to be annoyed by the entire situation.

I wanted to emphasize what he had said because I knew she probably hadn’t heard all of it but it was pointless. Dane had been right, Adam was her blind spot and even though he insinuated things that weren’t true she wouldn’t even believe me if I told her.

“Maybe if they just apologize to each other things will be fine” I heard her again as we left my room.

I didn’t feel like continuing the conversation because it hurt knowing she was actually more concerned about how Adam had been affected by the entire situation.

“Dane definitely won’t be apologizing to anyone and I won’t ask him to because he did nothing wrong” I shrugged as we moved down the staircase.

“Fine.”

I heard her but didn’t add anything further as we sat down to have breakfast with our parents.

“I was thinking of maybe inviting Dane to dinner for Thanksgiving” I blurted out as we finished off our breakfast.

I had been thinking of the perfect time to bring it up, but the words just slipped out which caused everyone to look at me.

“Wouldn’t he want to spend it with his own family?” My mom questioned first which surprised me but I had expected the question.

“I am sure they would like that but he doesn’t get along with them that well so I wouldn’t want him to be miserable.” I sat back as I had thought about it since I left him on Saturday.

I had wanted to bring it up to him then but assumed it would be best to speak about it to my family first.

“And you don’t think he would be miserable with us?” Melissa questioned and I had expected her to protest it first.

“Why would he?” I stared at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Just because he is comfortable with you, doesn’t mean that he would be open to spending the day with your family” She narrowed her eyes and while war hadn’t been declared, the passive aggressiveness would be there.

“Not the entire day, just dinner”

The entire would be abit much but I liked to believe that he wouldn’t mind it if I begged hard enough.

“Is there something more going on with the two of you?” I heard my mom again while my dad remained quiet.

I would have liked for some support from him as he had actually met Dane but I suppose he wanted my mom and sister to have their say.

“What do you mean, mom?”

“It’s simply odd that you would want him to spend the day with us so I was wondering if we perhaps overlooked some change in the nature of your friendship”

It seemed like the burning question these days.

“There is no change, mom. I just wanted him to join but it’s not that big of a deal” I sighed as I could already tell they were not going to have it.

“I think it would be…” She added.

“Adam is already coming over and they aren’t exactly the best of friends so maybe it wouldn’t be such a good idea” Melissa shrugged.

I stared at my dad pleadingly but by the look that filled his face I knew I wouldn’t be winning with him either.

“Whether he would like it or not. Thanksgiving is for family so I think it would be best if he spent it with his...”

It would have been dramatic to say that I felt betrayed by my dad’s answer but I truly did feel betrayed as I had believed he supported things between Dane and I.

●●●

“Are you sure its okay that I am here?” I asked as we sat in Dane’s room while the silence filled the rest of the house due to no one else being home.

He had invited me over after school and since I didn't have practice or work and I was annoyed with my family, I had agreed.

He stared blankly at me and I knew I shouldn’t have asked when I had a discussion with his uncle just last week who didn’t seem that keen on us hanging out.

“I just want to get caught by my principal again, I am sure he assumed we were…”

“We were what?” He smirked and I debated answering but knew he was just trying to make me squirm.

“I just don’t want to have another awkward encounter” I sighed and his smirk dropped.

“I never apologized for that, but that was pretty awkward I guess. I just can't stand the man…” He half groaned while he didn't have to tell me that for me to know it and the feeling seemed mutual.

I dreaded telling him about the awkward meeting I had with his uncle but I knew that I needed to.

“Dane...”

He glanced at me as he had been shuffling through songs while standing at his desk.

“There’s something I need to tell you...” I mumbled and his grey eyes on me didn't help much.

“I already know” He cut me off before he focused on the music again.

“Know what?” I whispered.

He rolled his eyes and sat down onto the chair we had tipped over the last time I was here.

“About your little meeting with my uncle last week”

“He told you?” My eyes widened.

He shook his head, “I saw you head there after I turned back to tell you something”

“Oh”

“Oh” He repeated with a small smile.

“You never asked me about it”

“You were normal with me afterwards so I figured he didn’t scare you away and I also knew you would tell me eventually” He shrugged.

I nodded before I let out a breath, “I stopped him from saying anything because I wasn’t going to let him brainwash me but unfortunately he had already told me something before I could stop him”

“That I am the devil’s spaun, a troublemaker, a…”

“That your mom passed away” He stopped the slow spinning of the chair and his eyes focused on me again “I just wanted to let you know that I know but I stopped him from saying anything else immediately because its not for me to know. If you wanted me to know you would have told me and…”

“Do you want to swim?” He randomly questioned and cut off my rambling.

“What?”

“You heard me. Come on!” He left the room.

I was still confused but I followed him down the staircase as he led me to the backyard to the pool that I hadn’t even known existed.

“Uhm…” I watched as he threw off his t-shirt before I quickly turned around as he had begun to unbutton his jeans. Seeing him shirtless would be one thing but everything else would be another, just thinking about it had me flustered.

I heard him laughing followed by a huge splash and some water lightly touched my exposed legs due to the shorts I wore and I turned to see him swimming.

I had no intention of stripping down like he had so I slowly sat down poolside and took off my shoes before I dipped my legs in.

I always liked seeing Dane in new places and a swimming pool was one of them, he resurfaced and moved beside me as his arms rested next to me.

“He had no right to tell you that” He breath before he ran a hand through his now soaked hair.

“I know, that’s why I stopped him as soon as he said that. I wish I hadn’t heard but I am so sorry for your loss...” I whispered while he glanced away.

I wished I hadn’t told him but I had felt so bad since last week knowing something so important while he didn’t know.

“Can we just not talk about it…” I frowned while he continued, “For now.”

“Okay” I nodded.

He lift himself up and sat down beside me and I tried not to let my eyes linger too long as the water dripped down his body.

Seeing him shirtless was a lot.

“I have never used this pool before” He breath as he looked ahead.

“Why not?”

“Because they’re always home.” He glanced down into his lap before he ran a hand through his hair again.

“So you just stay in your room and hibernate when they are here?” I frowned as it was what I did at home but that wasn't because I didn't like being around my family.

I just liked my alone time.

“Pretty much. It would give them too much satisfaction if they saw that I actually enjoyed some things”

“So you just torture yourself by staring at it longingly” I giggled while he shrugged.

“Next time you should bring something to wear so we can both test it out”

“I am sure it's going to be really cold then.”

I highly doubted that I wanted to show off my body to that extent to him.

His body was muscular and defined and tattoo covered.

A work of art.

Mine wasn't.

“I’ll keep you warm” He whispered and I smiled before he stood up and entered the house.

He soon returned with two towels and handed me one for my legs as we moved towards the chairs on the back patio.

He had lots of tattoos all over but I could still see some faint scarring.

The fact that I saw them made me realize I must have been staring real hard so I stopped but his eyes were already on me.

“You want to know how I got them…”

“Only if you want to tell me.” I voiced because I never wanted him to feel forced to tell me anything, just because some part that represented his vulnerability and past was on his skin didn’t mean that I had a right to know anything about it.

He nodded, “Well this one will definitely leave a scar but it’s the one scar that’s the most stupid because it was an accident”

He pointed to the cut I had fixed up and luckily didn’t look infected at all which would make me sleep a lot better because I had feared the worst.

I still would have loved to know what he had been thinking about that had led him to nearly colliding with a truck.

He sat back and stared down at his torso and almost seemed to take in his own scars before he stared at his reflection in the glass door. I was certain it was so he could see the scar that ran down his neck and the one on his forehead.

The scars that had caused him to flinch when I touched them.

I still felt bad about that.

“As you would have guessed it wasn’t like I just jumped into a gang when I came to this town. The first one I joined was when I was 16 close to 17 and I have been in quite a few different ones since then. But the thing about moving to a new town is that you still have to sort of prove yourself to them. Yes, your reputation may precede you but they still want proof that you would be a good asset, basically to be of any good use to them.”

“I don’t understand what your scars have got to do with you proving yourself to them” I frowned.

He stared into the distance again and I knew it was because he was going down memory lane.

“Yes, what I do is deliver secret packages here and there but to be the messenger I have to be able to deal with whatever trouble could come with it. So, I need to be able to defend myself.” He emphasized the last part for me so I quickly connected the dots that had been scattered for me before.

“The gangs you belonged to hurt you like this, just to see if you could defend yourself. How on earth does that make sense? By the time they are done with you, you are weakened by all the wounds.” I wavered as it just seemed really pointless to me.

“But once they heal, I am stronger and I will make sure it doesn’t happen again.” He shrugged and his grey eyes finally looked into mine.

I understood what he meant, once a harsh lesson is learnt you steer clear of anything that could cause that harm again. But the number of scars he had hidden beneath the tattoos surely couldn’t have been from just one incident.

Had he learnt his lesson?

“Did it happen when you came to this town?”

He immediately shook his head, “No. I knew what to expect, my old leader prepared me well for his 'initiation' if that’s what you want to call it. I won’t say I walked away without bruises but no lasting wounds, not this time.”

I nodded as I tried to process everything. In the back of my mind, the section I tried to ignore, I had a vague idea of things but actually hearing it from his mouth while he spoke calmly was another thing.

It hurt me hearing it because he was someone I cared about a lot and had any of those ‘initiations’ gone wrong for him; he wouldn’t be with me.

I wouldn’t have known, but I was thankful he had been made stronger because I never knew I needed someone like Dane until I realized how much he had helped me to grow in the last four months.

“I feel like they nearly killed you.” I whispered and tried to hold back the fact that my emotions had been triggered as I stared at his most visible scars that weren’t covered up by ink.

“It felt like that in the moment, but like I said, I don’t regret anything because I knew why I did it.” He shrugged. “I still hate that it happened and wish I had been more prepared but I like to remember it. It’s why I carry around that pocketknife. I have never had to use it really because my fists work better, but it’s a reminder.”

“Of what?” I frowned and feared that he would admit what he had used the knife for and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear it.

He could see the look on my face because I hid it terribly, “I have never killed anyone, Meredith. I am just a courier and yes things have gotten rough here and there but never to that extent.”

“I’m sorry, Dane. I just…”

“I get it. That’s why I would rather you ask me s**t though so your mind doesn’t wander. But anyway, it’s the knife the man used to create my deepest scars, he was quite skilled I have to give him that”

“Why would you carry the knife around that did this to you?” I blurted out before I could stop myself because I wouldn’t even have wanted it anywhere near me.

“I just told you it’s a reminder for me, Meredith.” He frowned as if confused by the fact that I didn’t understand.

“I know, but it’s a reminder of a horrific incident”

“That I survived." His jaw clenched slightly before he leaned forward. "It was the first time I realized how close death was and how real it was and I knew then I never wanted my mother to get that close. So its always been my reminder whenever I got cold feet on a job or had to go up against someone. I needed to make sure I got things done before they had a chance to.”

I was always thrown off and slightly confused whenever he spoke but what I knew for certain was that there was a lot I didn’t know about him.

But it also made me realize why he only let me see certain sides and why he was so protective over the people in his life.

It just so happened that I seemed to be the only one he had left to care about.

How had I landed up holding that title?