Write on me

Chapter 4

An overwhelming sensation of feelings and emotions was something I was all too used to feeling when getting lost in one of my books.

I think one of the reasons I always enjoyed reading romance books was because it had something completely absent from my life. Something deep down I craved unlike the social interactions that I could manage fine without.

I secretly craved the feeling of having someone look at me like I was the only one in a crowded room and being so wrapped up in someone that the world seemed to fade away and all that mattered was just us two. I guess I pictured my first kiss happening with a boy I had a crush on for months that finally realized he liked me too, not a new boy I barely knew anything about.

The saddest difference between reality and my fantasies was that I couldn’t reimagine what had already happened, I couldn’t change it.

My first kiss would forever be with a guy who didn’t even know when my birthday was and whose last name I had yet to find out. The story leading up to it wasn’t even romantic at all, I got on the back of a mysterious guy’s motorcycle and followed him into the freaking woods!

I was lowkey disappointed in myself for getting into that situation and most importantly for not being able to get rid of how much I had enjoyed it in the moment before my mind fought back.

I combed my hair back, as I tried to silence my thoughts, before I wrapped the scrunchie around it several times to get the perfect high ponytail. I didn’t particularly like the look unless I was on a soccer field because I felt like I was screaming at the world to look at my face and we all know that’s the last thing I wanted. Melissa always told me that a great high ponytail should always be accompanied by some flawless make-up to ensure the perfect glow. But it was a dirty, oily mess and I hadn’t been able to bring myself to take up the task of washing it for school.

“Girls! Breakfast is ready!” My dad’s voice echoed from below so I slipped a baggy cardigan over my vintage t-shirt before I grabbed my bag and went down to the kitchen.

My mom was a stay-at-home mom but sometimes helped at the family restaurant owned by my dad’s parents; where he worked at as head chef ever since I could remember. He had grown up in the restaurant and quickly discovered his passion in the kitchen due to his exposure. My mom had been a kinder garden teacher before we were born and once we made it into the world she decided we were the only kids worth the stress.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in days, Princess” I heard my dad and internally cringed as the sweet pet name I had become used to ever since I could remember was now tainted due to a certain guy having called me it as well.

“I have an assignment that’s due” I lied because I knew I had been in my own head more than usual but who could blame me.

“I am happy you allowed yourself to let your hair down after the soccer game at least.” He smiled before he thanked my mom for the plate she had set before him.

“Yes, it was a pleasant surprise. Usually you’re home before supper after the pizza celebrations but you missed family dinner which is certainly a rare occasion” My mom added as she sat down.

“Most parents would be upset by that” I shrugged, I had lied to them about where I had been when I got home after dinner that night.

My first white lie and I wasn’t thrilled about it.

“If it weren’t a rare occasion maybe but we both know that if you had to be locked in your room for the rest of your life you would have no issue with it” Melissa playfully rolled her eyes.

“I will not argue that at all” I giggled as they laughed because it was true, unfortunately I had to leave the house to be educated.

“So, what time did you get home then?” Melissa questioned as she hadn’t been home at the time.

“After 8pm I think”

“I’m surprised they stayed that late at the pizza place, don’t they usually have a party somewhere?” I heard the doubt in my alibi in her tone but chose to ignore it.

“Uhm yeah but a few of us stayed behind and had some milkshakes.” I shrugged which caused my sister to frown and I avoided looking at her and focused on my bowl of cereal instead.

My dad cleared his throat, “Anyway, Mr. Hamilton called and said that you are welcome to start today”

“Really? I didn’t think I got the job I was so nervous” My eyes immediately met his as I had chosen to forget about it after I hadn’t heard any response in over a week.

“I can’t believe you decided to get a job after school. That means I must drive home from school and then go into town and fetch you again, you should really get your license” She half whined.

“I didn’t say you had to pick me up, Mel.”

“You could always just come to the restaurant afterwards and then come home with me. The back office is nice and quiet for you to finish your homework too”

“Thanks, dad” I kissed his cheek before taking my bowl to the sink.

As I said before, my sister and I got along extremely well but we were siblings so there were several stupid fights that occurred, and my dad had been used to playing mediator before.

We greeted our parents and made our way out of the house and as soon as we were both in the car and pulling out of the driveway, Melissa spoke.

“Why did you lie to them?” She really was never one to beat around the bush.

I thought of so many things and shoved them into a folder in my brain before they managed to make their way out. My sister just gave her thoughts a one-way express ticket to her mouth.

“About what?” I lazily looked at her, even though I had prepared myself for the interrogation.

“I know for a fact that the only time you celebrate with the soccer team is when everyone is there, you would never stay behind with a couple of them. You didn’t even want to go in the first place.” She pointed out.

“That was before you ditched me last minute to go with Adam and told me to get a ride with them, remember?”

“I said I would make that up to you. And I assumed they would drop you off at home, if you went with them to a party you could have just told mom and dad. They know how responsible you are, especially after the last incident”

The infamous time I had woken up with a hangover and cried to my mom and promised to never let a single bit of alcohol pass my lips until I was at least the legal age.

I still managed to keep that promise a year later and would probably continue to keep it because I hated the taste of alcohol and didn’t get why everyone went through the trouble of getting fake IDs to purchase it.

“You weren’t at a party, were you?”

“I was where I said I was and I am very sorry that you have chosen not to believe me” I shrugged before I put my earphones in and drowned out whatever response she was about to give with my favourite music.

I could see her rolling her eyes in the corner of mine but chose to ignore it because I couldn’t be honest with her. She had made me promise not to go near Dane and I hadn’t just gone near him. I had held him around his waist while on the back of his motorcycle and felt the essence of his abs against my fingertips. I had allowed him to take me a long distance away and lure me down a dark path by making me fall for his seduction. I had kissed him, not a quick peck, but a real kiss and allowed him to be the first one that made me feel impure things.

It was all too much for me to deal with in the real world, in my reality, so I had chosen to hide in my room every day I got home from school for the past couple of days.

I had shut my sister out as well which was easy because she was more occupied with her friends and Adam.

I always pictured myself calling her first thing after any major encounter with a boy happened, but I couldn’t. For the first time I wished that I had actual friends to talk to and ask what I should do cause all I knew to do was escape into my books.

●●●

My escape was what I would describe my room to be because it was filled with all the things I loved which wasn’t much except for posters of the hottest guys that wouldn’t be mine and shelves filled with books containing stories that would never be my reality.

I didn’t think another place would be able to come near to that comfort zone until I had found myself in the school library and then again when I walked into the local bookstore at the age of 12.

“I packed the new stock in alphabetical order in the fictional genre. What’s next?” I questioned Mr. Hamilton, my first boss, and he chuckled due to the eagerness in my voice I assumed.

“There are a few other boxes filled with new stock, the genre is marked on the box. This is why I needed help, I can’t work as fast as I used to” He shook his head before focusing on the newspaper set before him.

“I am happy to be of assistance!” I offered a friendly smile before I made my way back to the storeroom and grabbed another box.

Mr. Hamilton was a friend of my grandfather, from my dad’s side, so he knew how much I enjoyed books because my grandfather fed into my book obsession by constantly purchasing it for me for every occasion.

His kids had done what most people did and moved away but they did like to come visit during the Summer. I never wondered why my parents hadn’t moved away because my dad was slowly taking over the family restaurant from his parents; moving away didn’t seem logical.

I was busy wiping down one of the shelves near the large window upfront when I noticed Mr. Hamilton peek out the door before he changed the sign from open to closed and I frowned as it was only after 4pm.

“Is everything okay?” I voiced, and he nodded with a small smile but the confusion on my face caused him to explain.

“I just noticed the bikers were doing their rounds so I find its best to make sure we are safe, just incase”

I nodded as I immediately understood.

The biker gangs didn’t really cause trouble for anyone because they resided on the outskirts of town and visited once a week for their meeting of sorts. The thing that everyone feared was another biker gang passing through and that was what usually led to trouble. It was a once in a blue moon thing but it was better to be safe than sorry.

I stared over the shelf so that I could glance to the outside and possibly spot them as I had never seen any of them before. I was usually at home doing homework at this time so on a normal day I would have never been able to spot them in town and I was curious.

There were a row of motorcycles parked outside the diner across the street and I assumed they were inside. I wondered how long they would be but instead of waiting I got back to work.

I slowly began packing the books in alphabetical order whilst making sure to check if the bikes were still there every few minutes.

Just as I reached for the last two books I saw a few figures leave the diner wearing their signature black leather jackets. They were much older and were all laughing, they didn’t seem dangerous or scary, but they had just eaten so I was sure they were in a jolly mood.

A few older women followed them as well and some of them were probably married because of how they interacted with one another. I wondered how many of them Mr. Hamilton knew personally from his younger days that made him feel like he had reason to make sure the doors were locked.

My eyes nearly popped out as the final figure that left the diner was someone I had been hiding from, someone I had kissed; Dane. I wanted to believe my eyes were deceiving me but once he ran his fingers through his short locks I knew it was him.

He was in the middle of some discussion with one of the older men and appeared to be the youngest in the group. I watched as they exchanged a brown bag before they went on their motorcycles while he positioned himself on his.

He glanced around as he reached for his helmet and I was sure he could feel my eyes on him from across the street. I quickly ducked and ended up bumping into a shelf which caused a few books to fall while I felt my heartrate increasing due to almost being spotted by him.

“Is everything alright, dear?” I heard Mr. Hamilton’s voice all the way from the counter.

“Yes. Just lost my balance, that’s all”

My sister’s warning filled my mind and I really hoped he hadn’t spotted me.

I was certain that even if he looked in my direction he wouldn’t have been able to see that it was me due to the shelf, so I was being paranoid for nothing.

I hadn’t spoken to him since I had said goodnight to him after he had dropped me off on the corner of my street, so my parents wouldn’t know.

I felt bad for giving him the cold shoulder, but I also felt like maybe he was avoiding me too because he hadn’t exactly tried to speak to me. Yes, I did duck or run into an empty classroom every time I spotted him coming down the hallway but still.

“Mr. Hamilton…” I called as he unlocked the door and changed the sign back to open after hearing them drive off.

“Yes?” He questioned and made his way over to me.

“Have you maybe heard about the new boy that joined school last week?”

“As a matter of fact, I have. I also know that he happens to be part of the local gang, is that where you are leading with your question?” I wasn’t surprised that he had because Dane’s appearance caused quite a stir at school.

I nodded with a small smile, “I just noticed most of the members are older and he stands out…”

“I suppose now he does, back in my day the gang was comprised of the kids we went to school with. They lived in our neighborhoods and weren’t as outcasted as they are now. It was a fun thing to do until drifters started joining and it became less of a juvenile thing but more as what you would see in the movies. And with their reputation becoming more of a hazard, they were driven out.” He shook his head, sadly.

“How did they become a hazard, if I may ask?” I was sure I probably wouldn’t hear the raw details because adults liked to protect us from the reality of the world here and there.

He scratched the grey hair lacing his head as he tried to recall, “They would vandalize the town, break into places and attack any one that may have stared at them in a way they perceived to be disrespectful. But that was many years ago, now they tread lightly while still making their presence known. So, I don’t think you need to be too fearful of the boy.”

“But I should still tread lightly?”

“Well it's better to be safe, dear.” He shrugged while I simply nodded and made my way back to the shelf I had been busy with.

I wasn’t sure why I had gone out of my way to ask Mr. Hamilton about it but the moment I saw him amongst the other leather jacket clad members my sister’s words went off as warning bells.

I tried not to judge people, but it was hard not to feel like she may have been right, especially because of him owning a knife, why on earth would he need it?