Write on me

Chapter 10| At least you have a person then...

Another victory had been declared on the field a half hour before and I couldn’t be happier as I stared at my reflection in the school’s bathroom mirror. I had put my hair into a bun for the game and liked the locks it had created. My hair was a mess most of the time, but I did appreciate the days where it showed off for me even though I put in little to no effort.

I traced over the dark marks left by pimples and briefly stared into my own eyes and wondered how I would look with a mask on like everybody else. I had been plain for so long, I was certain adding make-up to flatter myself would make me feel like a clown.

“You’re still coming with us, right?” Ashley questioned as she applied lipstick to her lips, strategically, before pouting them together for effect.

I nodded as I finished up and ran my hands over the maxi dress I had settled on wearing with sandals to accompany it, mostly because the jeans I had also packed would have been too constricting while devouring pizza.

Due to the joy filling me because of yet another victory, I had told my parents they could head home cause I planned to head out for pizza with the other girls. I wasn’t sure why, but for once I felt like socializing and not heading home to get lost in a book. Apart of me would probably say that it was Dane’s words letting me know it was okay not to stick to the mold they had made for me, but I tried not to overthink it.

Melissa hadn’t showed up to my game and I wasn’t surprised because we had yet to speak and me being seen with Dane more just made her more upset.

“We didn’t think you liked us very much, Meredith” Emily spoke as we finished up our pizza after spending most of our conversation for the last hour speaking about our hopes and excitement for the upcoming games.

Her words were sincere, and I felt bad for always ditching them, I just hadn't thought that they would care or notice. “I’m sorry. I am sure you might have noticed that I am just not much of a people’s person, but I really enjoyed celebrating with you guys today.”

“You don’t have to feel obligated to interact with us outside of soccer but it's always good to celebrate as a team” Ashley added, and I appreciated how comfortable they made me feel.

It just made me appreciate soccer even more because they weren’t making me feel like the weirdo I was often made into because I didn’t have a high social battery like the rest of the town.

In the corner of my eye I noticed the familiar row of motorcycles being parked further up the street and as my eyes scanned each of them I found the one I was looking for and realized Dane was already staring at me. I hoped he hadn’t been staring for too long as I had just devoured another pizza slice.

Despite my self-consciousness I lifted my hand up to wave but as soon as I did he looked away without acknowledging it.

It was just after 3pm when I was on my way home courtesy of one of my teammates; Emily. She lived around the corner from me so had offered to drop me off and as my legs were tired I didn’t argue much.

The drive was quiet as music filled the car and I was grateful with how polite they were to me even though I ditched most of the social part of belonging to the soccer team. They also didn’t seem to follow the lead of the rest of the school that were currently boycotting me quite obviously. There were a few girls that had made remarks but not about me, just acknowledging the fact that Dane was good to look at even though he was forbidden fruit due to his reputation.

It was weird, whenever I looked at him from afar the feelings I felt were different compared to when I would be speaking to him. When we spoke, I would somehow end up forgetting he was thought to be some dangerous guy because he could be so silly and charming. If I passed him in the hallway with his head down I almost felt the darkness and danger that everyone else spoke about, I wondered if that was his intention.

I thanked Emily for dropping me off before I slowly walked up my driveway and searched my bag for my keys because I was certain my mom was probably helping at the restaurant and my sister was with Adam.

I heard a loud, piercing whistling sound from behind which drew my attention from the mess in my bag. I turned but saw no one until I moved back to the curb and saw the familiar motorcycle parked on the corner of my street.

I felt my heart racing and wasn’t sure why but maybe it was because it was the first time he had no jacket or hoodie on. He wore a black t-shirt with a stone wash pair of jeans as he sat back on his motorcycle and gave a slight wave with his arm to further emphasize he was trying to get my attention.

He didn’t have to try hard to steal my attention though, whether I liked to admit it or not, he made me feel things that I only read about and I wasn’t talking about the heart-eye emoji stuff maybe the water-dripping one. My eyes widened at my own thoughts as I made my way to him and I hoped my face hadn’t revealed the discovery of how he made me feel.

“You ignored me” were the first words out of my mouth instead of greeting him.

My eyes fell to the tattoos that were on display along with his muscular arms due to his lack of clothing and I tried making out exactly what they were as he had full sleeves on both arms. I noted some skulls and roses along with words that weren’t legible; for me anyway. I realized why he chose to wear the hoodie or any jacket, he was able to hide his facial scars and his tattoos from the world and abide by the school regulations I guess.

“It’s not polite to stare” His voice was harsh which startled me but as I looked at him I noticed the amused look on his face.

“Did they hurt?”

“What?” He questioned defensively, and I realized he must’ve assumed I was asking about his scars.

While they were a mystery I wanted to uncover, I wouldn’t dare ask him because I was sure he didn’t want to be that vulnerable.

“All of the tattoos...”

“The first couple, but I have a pretty high tolerance for pain so not really. After a while, it becomes like an addiction you are feeding so it’s more euphoric than anything else.” He spoke and seemed to be speaking sincerely but was distant as if his mind had wandered somewhere I couldn’t see.

“Do you only have them on your arms?”

“Why do I feel like that question isn’t entirely appropriate, Miss Blake?” He smirked as he leaned forward onto his bike like he was James Dean on a vintage poster in my room or something.

“I just…I…” I mumbled as I couldn’t find the words and the way he was looking at me didn’t help me at all.

What was wrong with me?

He chuckled before he extended his hand with an extra helmet unlike the last time when he had given me his. Had he bought one just for me or did he just have an extra one?

I wasn’t sure why these thoughts flooded my mind when we had agreed on a friendship if there was any label to be put onto our random interactions which I had been relieved for in that moment. However, in the last 24hours since then the feelings I had confused me, but I would try to push them back as best I could.

“I saw you in town and I know you saw me as well because you were already staring my way. And then you made me feel like an i***t when I tried to greet you” I stared down at the helmet while he released a breath.

“Can you just get on the bike and then we can talk. This road is so dead, but it feels like there are housewives peeking through their curtains and judging us” He said with a disgusted tone and I giggled as he was most probably right, so I did as I was told.

“I’m not going to the woods with you again though” I quickly spoke as I pulled the helmet onto my head and he glanced over his shoulder.

“You don’t trust me?” He questioned before he placed his helmet on as well.

“I just don’t want to be home late and if we go there it will take forever” I shrugged as I guess I sort of trusted him. If I didn’t it would really be bad judgement to continue joining him on a vehicle that could be considered as dangerous.

“Okay. We can go somewhere close by” He voiced before he took off with a loud sound that I was sure pulled the attention of my entire street.

●●●

“A park doesn’t seem to fit the aesthetic you have” I mused as I handed him my helmet I had taken off.

“Did you expect me to take you to a bar, Meredith?” He questioned with a bored tone as we moved towards an isolated picnic table.

We didn’t have the biggest park in our town but it was okay because not many people frequented it and I was sure that was the reason he had chosen it.

“It does fit the whole bad boy biker theme” I added to annoy him some more before my eyes took in our surroundings.

“Sorry to disappoint but only members are allowed there” I heard him and tore my eyes off the greenery to search his to see if he was just encouraging my teasing or if he was serious.

“You’ve actually been to a bar!” I couldn’t hide the surprise in my voice as he took a seat opposite me.

“I thought you already assumed I had”

“I was kidding. I didn’t even know we had bars here” I frowned.

He chuckled, “Maybe if you pulled your head out of the clouds more often you would notice that this town isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. They just put up a barricade around the pretty stuff and block out all the s**t they find distasteful.”

“The way you speak sometimes makes you sound like you have been living here longer than I have” I teased while his face faltered, and I wasn’t sure what I had said wrong.

I could never be sure why his face always fell or he tensed at weird parts of the conversation. Perhaps he had some triggers that I wouldn’t understand for now.

“Most small towns are the same, that’s all. All the good stuff is central and the s**t they think is bad is on the outskirts”

“Is that why you were late yesterday? You live there?”

He frowned and opened his mouth to almost argue but instead he sighed, “Yeah, that’s why.”

“Why did you ignore me in town and then show up at the perfect time when I was dropped off?” I was surprised by how I was so easily questioning him and that he hadn’t expressed his annoyance at it yet.

“It’s better for you if I don’t acknowledge you while I am with them.” I didn’t bother pressing as he only answered one half of my question.

“Why are you with them?” Were they his family or did he just stay with them because he was truly a drifter who just needed some education.

“Debts need to be paid and that’s all you need to know, Meredith.”

Debts?

“Will you tell me eventually though?”

“Maybe. You find me very interesting, don’t you?” He playfully narrowed his eyes while I just wanted to extend my fingers and push the loose hairs out of his face.

“Maybe”

He stared at me and I wondered what he was thinking due to the intense gaze before he stared past me, “Don’t you ever just wanna say screw this town and runaway?”

I smiled because it was like he read my preteen mind when I had packed my little bag and declared I would be leaving at least five times because I felt misunderstood.

“Sometimes. But other times I just don’t see what I would like in the world out there, it just seems that things become more complicated. Maybe I am an outcast here but at least I know what I am because of how one minded people can be with what they consider to be appropriate. Out there are so many things you can be and I am sure its overwhelming trying to figure out where you fit in”

“You stand out here but you’re so worried about where you would fit in out there” He frowned, and I felt words leave my lips that I had never told anyone.

“Maybe if I fit in there I wouldn’t get the random lonely feeling I try my best to ignore. I tried to fit in for so long alongside my sister, I would mirror her actions and laugh at things she found funny. Compliment everyone like she did but I never received what I gave out like she did and even then, I knew they didn’t want me, so I made it easier for them.”

It was something I hadn’t even told Melissa and buried within myself. The fact that maybe I had tried hard to fit in just like the rest but even with me pretending to be on their team I was still looked down upon.

He didn’t speak immediately, we just stared at each other for a bit and it felt like he understood everything I felt. He didn’t mock me or show any sign of pity but just made me feel less alone and not weird for being vulnerable with him.

“Maybe one day I can take you away for a couple of days. People don’t try to fit in out there or at least in the places I have thrived. They just are who they are, and they find their people, in this town they make you believe you are wrong because what you value isn’t the same as theirs. But you’re not wrong, you just need to find your people.”

“I don’t think I have any people” I giggled.

“At least you have a person then” He winked.

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Author’s Note:

What do you think about Meredith allowing herself to socialize more?

What debts do you think Dane has?

Hope you enjoyed!