Write on me

Chapter 16| You really don't fear me?

I hadn’t slept well the night before because I kept seeing flashes of Dane while I slept, and it wasn’t like the previous times when I had inappropriate fantasies. I had just seen the anger in his eyes and had visions of him screaming in pain as he appeared before me without tattoos but with gashes all over his body.

It had been awhile since I had nightmares or anything so dark and it freaked me out. I knew it was just me being worried about the situation and wishing I had all the answers about his life. It made me thankful that even though I didn’t share my life with anyone, there wasn’t much to know, I could be an open book because the most I had experienced life was through my books.

It protected me from a lot of things and provided a security blanket on days life found its way to dig its claws in me through bullies.

I felt someone nudge me and frowned as I glanced beside me at Melissa who nodded towards my dad who held amusement on his face. They were all used to me being lost in thought but these days it wasn’t me dreaming about something, instead I felt a heaviness because of all the new emotions I was feeling. I didn’t know what to call it and because I couldn’t pinpoint what I was feeling I couldn’t articulate it to anyone.

“How come you called in sick for work yesterday? Your mother said you were perfectly fine when you came home last night.” My dad voiced and I honestly wasn’t sure how many times he had asked the question while I had been wrapped up in my thoughts.

“How do you know I called in sick?” I frowned as I assumed he wouldn’t check up on me because I wasn’t one to ditch anything.

“Mr. Hamilton came in to grab dinner and sent his well wishes to my daughter but when I got home, your mom just assumed you had gone to work because you came home later” He explained, and these were the times I hated it was a small town.

“Had I known me ditching something would have caused such discussion I wouldn’t have done it” I shrugged because I didn’t exactly want to discuss where I had been.

“It’s just unlike you to be dishonest, especially when you have been looking forward to that job for so long. Where were you?” My mom asked while I focused on the breakfast I hadn’t touched yet.

“I just visited a friend after school”

“Friend?”

“I have friends…” I mumbled while chewing and heard Melissa giggle due to how I probably looked.

He sighed, “I have no issues with you being friends with that boy but if he is going to lead you down a dark path I might have to start singing a different tune”

I finished my bite and thought carefully about what I would say without letting on all I had discovered the day before. “It’s not like that. He wasn’t feeling well and missed school, so I went to drop off some work that he missed, no one else would have thought to.”

“I understand the kind gesture, but I don’t think that should have taken you so long” My mom chimed in and I felt like I was being ambushed because they had obviously had some discussion while I had been riddled with nightmares.

“She was waiting for me to pick her up. I got caught up at cheer practice and ended up taking longer to pick her up because of the distance.” My sister sprang to my defense and while I doubted they believed it, they stopped questioning me.

I tried to hide my surprise due to her helping me so they wouldn’t pick up on it so avoided looking at her altogether.

“Alright. But just try not to miss work unnecessarily, you wouldn’t want Mr. Hamilton to think you were taking advantage.”

“Of course, Dad. It won’t happen, again” I smiled before finishing off breakfast even though I still felt horrible after not getting enough sleep.

●●●

“Thanks for covering for me at breakfast” I offered a smile to Melissa as our drive to school had been silent while the music filled the car.

I had expected her to interrogate me as soon as we left the car, but she hadn’t, and I appreciated it because my mind was in a state of chaos.

“You have covered for me more times than I could count. Remember that one time you slept in my bed because you knew they wouldn’t check yours?” She reminded me, and she was right.

I had covered for her many times even if it had become annoying here and there, but she always made up for it.

“Your bed is so uncomfortable” I shook my head as I always woke up in pain all over my body the next day.

“I am sorry I don’t have all my plush toys to keep me company like some people” She shot me a playful look even though they did help me feel like I was sleeping on a bed full of clouds.

I rolled my eyes while she reached over and pulled me into a brief hug before we grabbed our bags.

“Where were you though? I am not just being nosy, I feel like if I am going to cover I at least need to know why.” I knew she wouldn’t be able to resist asking for long.

“I was with Dane.”

“That’s the obvious part. What were you doing with him and why didn’t he drop you at home?”

I was going to question how she knew that he hadn’t dropped me, but she had driven past me as I turned the corner to our street. She wouldn’t stop questioning me unless I gave her some information that would get her off my back. I had a lot I could tell her but that would mean betraying Dane.

I sighed and stopped walking while she leaned in close, “I am going to tell you something but please don’t tell anyone else”

“Sure.”

“I am serious” I narrowed my eyes because while I was sure the rest of the school would eventually find out, I didn’t want to be the reason behind it.

“Pinky swear then” She raised her pinky and I did the same as we intertwined them to seal the promise of secrecy.

“I wasn’t really lying when I said I went to his house, but it wasn’t cause he was sick. He was the one that vandalized the school” I whispered, and her eyes widened.

I hadn’t wanted to tell her, but it was better something that seemed plausible than the major secret that Dane certainly didn’t want anyone knowing.

“Really? I thought it was probably some senior dare or something.”

I shook my head while she seemed genuinely surprised that he had been responsible for the profanities displayed on the outside of the school.

“Nope. He was suspended because of it which is why he hasn’t been waiting for me at my locker. I went to see him but he was obviously grounded, that’s why you saw me walking home instead of him dropping me off”

She nodded with a small smirk as she processed everything I had told her, “I hardly recognize you anymore, its weird but I like it. How were his parents?”

Parents…

“Uhm… There’s Adam!” I pointed in his direction and having heard his name, he glanced our way.

I quickly made my way up the steps, so she had no other choice but to go over to him.

I knew it was a temporary fix to avoiding more complicated questions but at least I bought myself some more time and didn’t have to omit things or just tell white lies. I never liked lying because it always ended up being too much work maintaining it.

I caught myself in the tiny mirror within my locker and briefly traced my finger over the diamond autumn leaf that draped my neck. Having seen where he lived I could explain how he afforded my gift but the tension between Dane and his uncle made me doubt he would dare ask him for money.

“I am so sorry!” I heard one of the football players that never spoke to me but always about me.

My hand dropped from the necklace as I looked up at him while he stood beside me. I wondered how long he had been there while I had been lost in thought once again about Dane.

“For what?” I frowned as I didn’t think he would apologize for all the mean things he had said to me and even tripping me once in middle school.

He had claimed that I was clumsy when Melissa had confronted him, they could never take accountability for their stupid actions.

“Seems like your lover boy has ditched you” He smirked and the fact that I had entertained the thought of him possibly apologizing briefly made me feel silly.

“I don’t know who you are talking about” I mumbled as I took my eyes off him because I was sure that a few of his friends were watching in the distance which gave him even more confidence to mess with me.

“You know exactly who I am talking about” He scoffed with a cocky tone while I chose to ignore him and finished up getting my books out that I would need for class.

“Don’t ignore me.” He snapped and normally I would have held my head down or actually paid attention to him but I was so tired of giving guys like him so much power so he could laugh it off with his friends later.

“Maybe if you said something worth listening to I wouldn’t have to ignore you” I shot back with a bored tone even though inside I was anxious as it took a lot for me to say something like that; I always remained quiet.

He chuckled but was clearly annoyed and surprised by my words, I don’t think anyone spoke to him like that. Not anyone he chose to pick on anyway, “Someone has grown some balls, huh? Wonder how long that will last. So, what? You put out and he realized it wasn’t worth…”

I flinched as someone pushed past me and immediately wrapped his hands around the collars of his jacket as he pushed him up against the wall. I only realized it was Dane when I noticed the hoodie hiding his face, I didn’t even hear him approaching at all.

“I f**king dare you to finish that sentence.” His words were soft yet powerful, at least to me, due to the lethal tone.

“Get your hands off me, man. My team will f**k you up”

I glanced past them at his friends who just seemed to be in shock at what was happening, like the rest of the kids in the hallway.

“I will f**k each of them up before they get a chance to. These scars you make fun of and try to show off to your friends when you pull my hood down. Don’t you wonder what I did to the person that dared touch my face? Now imagine what I would do to you for speaking s**t about her…” He gestured towards me as I saw his head nod in my direction while my eyes widened due to his threat.

It was the first time I truly saw the dark side of him that they all believed he had. I thought him glaring at them was bad, but this was something else.

I wasn’t afraid of this side of him though, I felt proud to see him finally showing them what they wanted. They loved spreading rumours and mocking him but when confronted with what they all assumed him to be they were frozen with fear.

“Apologize to her now” He tightened his fists around the material and without hesitation an apology was heard from him.

“I’m sorry” He grunted, his face didn’t match his words, but it was enough.

For me, not for Dane.

“Say her name so she knows you are talking to her” He lowered his voice.

“I don’t know her name” He pleaded and tried to pry Dane’s hands off him, but Dane was strong, even though he wasn’t a football player.

“Meredith” I found myself saying as unknown confidence and power filled me.

“I’m sorry, Meredith” He breath.

“Thank you” I smiled which seemed to satisfy Dane as well as he immediately let go of him and watched as he moved to his friends and they turned the corner while everyone else quickly glanced away.

I followed him to my first period class in silence as I could sense the rage radiating off him and wasn’t sure what to say. I hadn’t expected to even see him at school, let alone coming to my defense in such a physical way. I wasn’t sure how things would have escalated if he hadn’t shown up.

“I’m sorry about that” I heard him as we made our way to the back of the empty classroom.

“Why are you apologizing?” He hadn’t done anything wrong, I had been planning to thank him as soon as he calmed down.

“I’m not. I just didn’t want you to see me act like that” He had the same look on his face he had the day before when I had discovered that he was related to the principal.

“I wasn’t scared, Dane.” He frowned as he took off his hoodie while I continued, “You were intimidating to everyone else though”

It was a side to him I had never seen so he had probably wanted that to remain hidden as well. He had made it clear that he did some bad things so I was sure that included some violence, the extent of it I wouldn’t overthink.

I never lived on the edge but I had made a mental note to take things as they came with Dane. If he was open to sharing I would take full advantage and if he showed other sides of himself to me, I would just observe.

“But not to you?”

I was confused by his reaction when I thought he would be happy with me not being affected in a negative way by his actions. “A bit but not as much I am sure. You were defending me, so it wasn’t directed at me right?”

“Right.” He nodded but the frown remained on his face.

“You seem confused. Did you want me to be afraid of you?” I questioned as I set my bag down but remained standing because he hadn’t sat down yet.

“No, I just… I threatened to hurt him, Meredith. Doesn’t that bother you?” He raised his eyebrow while I didn’t get why he thought it would or maybe it was him believing I was too soft to handle his vulgar behavior. Maybe if I hadn’t been by his side for months I would have been staring like a deer in headlights along with the rest of the school when the sound of Brad being slammed into the locker beside mine echoed down the hallway.

“Threatening and actually beating him to a pulp are two different things” I clarified as I was sure that would have had more of an effect on me.

I didn’t know what he wanted me to say but apparently what I was saying wasn’t the right thing because he became more agitated.

This was the reason I never liked questioning him on things because I wouldn’t be able to predict my reaction and how he would perceive it.

“But you do realize that I am capable of doing that with my bare hands?” He was trying to make me understand something.

“Why do you want me to be afraid?” I wearily questioned when I thought I had made it clear the day before when I stated that I didn’t believe his actions would make me view him differently. While they may have just been words the day before, after seeing a darker side of him today and not being as affected, I knew I had meant those words.

“That’s not what I want but I feared that you would be after that” He wavered.

“Then why did you do it?”

“I saw him messing with you and I lost it…” He lazily shrugged.

“Then you should be happy that I am not” I half smiled and leaned back against the desk behind me.

“It worries me…” He chewed the inside of his cheek as he seemed to be in thought. I had never seen him so puzzled by something when he had shown such menace and anger moments before.

“Why?”

“Because maybe I have corrupted you so much that you are desensitized to s**t like that” He sighed, and I rolled my eyes as he was taking my reaction as a weight on himself.

Did everyone just see me as some fragile human being?

“Dane, you are my friend. I am not afraid of you, I know you did that because he was picking on me and it angered you. I have seen my sister actually punch someone for pestering me…”

“You don’t get it” He cut me off as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair before he moved to the back and sat down.

“I do, I understand that maybe I should have been scared like everyone else was, but I don’t know. I feel like I know you better than they do and yes it was intense but it didn’t bother me.”

He searched my eyes as if he believed I were lying but I wasn’t.

“You really don’t fear me?”

I shook my head because if I feared him I probably wouldn’t have made the effort to search for him in a crowd or have gone to his home.

He seemed to process my words as a silence fell between us and I wished I knew what exactly was bothering him. His intentions had been good, I was sure he knew that yet he felt that he needed to be hated by me for it.

He had such a hard image and claimed to have no regrets about things he did but he still seemed quite insecure.

“I thought you were suspended until next week” I voiced to hopefully change the subject from the unnecessary back and forth and get rid of the rare awkward silence between us.

He seemed to be snapped out of his thoughts by my words and gone was the confusion as he sighed before he stared at me.

“My uncle pulled some strings” I was happy to see the concern leave his face. “He thinks your goodness will rub off on me”

“And the rest of the town thinks the opposite about you with me. Who do you think will be right in the end?” I teased and was thankful the playful Dane was back because I wasn’t sure who I had dealt with before.

“That depends on you, Miss Blake” He narrowed his eyes and leaned forward.

“How?” I frowned.

“If you want to take more leaps onto the wild side or remain on the good while getting glimpses of it whenever your tongue is down my throat”

My eyes widened as his words escalated rapidly.

“My tongue is down your...” I shook my head while he chuckled and briefly licked over his bottom lip.

“Dane.” I uttered and stared down at my sneakers instead of his lips so I could concentrate.

“Yeah?”

Melissa’s voice constantly asking me how I didn’t know much about him bothered me, “Can I ask you a few questions?”

“That would depend on what you plan on asking, Meredith.” He rested his head on the wall and lazily looked at me.

“Why do you carry the pocketknife?” My voice was soft as I hoped he wouldn’t snap at me but by his face I could tell he wouldn’t be. He seemed almost happy to hear me ask the question as a ghost of a smile filled his face.

“I don’t carry it on me anymore because I realized I wouldn’t need it on anyone at school. But in general, it’s for protection”

“From what?” I blurted out.

“Dangerous people”

“Why would you be near dangerous people? Is that why you were bruised that one day?”

“Now there’s the fear I was expecting earlier. You are afraid” He shook his head almost disappointed at being proven correct when he had been upset by the opposite before.

I was confused.

“Not of you…” I weakly stated because I honestly didn’t know what he wanted me to say, I wished I could just read his mind.

He nodded with a small smile, “To answer your question. It was the reason I was bruised that day I asked you to cover it up”

He hadn’t answered the why, but I would accept the little parts he didn’t ignore and chose to answer because it was better than nothing.

“Where do you go when you ditch?”

His jaw clenched slightly and I knew I wouldn’t get an answer to my question, “That’s something I can’t tell you.”

“Would my life be in danger if you told me?”

He took a while to answer before his eyes met mine, “It’s just something I can’t tell you, okay?”

I nodded and glanced away but he leaned towards me which forced me to look at him, “I wish my uncle hadn’t interrupted us”

“Why?”

“It was nice not kissing on school premises for a change” He shrugged but I felt there was more to it.

“It was nice.” I smiled and wanted to question him on why their relationship seemed so weird but knew I had already pushed too much and his emotions seemed to be all of over the place.