Write on me

Chapter 6 | You have bad written all over you

I always enjoyed reading and getting lost in the fantasy world of one of my books, whether it was written by Shakespeare himself about a futile love or a simple modern cliché love story. I believed I enjoyed it because I didn’t have it in my life nor did I want it because a real love story could never be as good as my books.

I had seen the toll break-ups took around school, the one week they would be sucking each other’s faces throughout break and the next competing with each other on who could badmouth their ex the best.

I was realistic though, I knew not all relationships were bad; my sister had been happy in hers for the past four years and they would probably make it down the aisle. My parents had been together since high school so I saw true love stories in front of me as well, but I just couldn’t see it for myself.

I spent most of my life visualizing the words inked on paper and me as the lead but that’s where it stopped.

“Boo!”

I screeched as I had been wrapped up in one of my books and allowed my thoughts to carry me away.

I heard a ‘shhh’ from the front and knew I had been loud enough for the librarian to hear and I hated it.

I was always that obnoxious person that tried to silence people when they were too loud because if they wanted to be loud then they didn’t need to be in the library. So, the fact that I had just echoed off the shelves wasn’t ideal for me, but I hadn’t known I would be snuck up on by the bane of my existence.

I couldn’t dwell on the shame for being loud in the one place that silence was key because faint chuckling was heard next to me as I watched Dane position himself on the carpet that stretched down the aisle.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered as I repositioned myself in my chair, so I could look down at him.

He dropped his hood and it seemed the more I saw him the more easily he took it off compared to the very first time. He peeked at me through his fringe, “Is that a way to greet the first guy you ever kissed”

“I have kissed guys before” I scoffed defensively, even though what he had said surprised me.

“Really?” He smirked teasingly, and I nodded which caused him to raise his eyebrow.

I remained silent and he spoke again, “Let me guess, it was a kid named Bobby in second grade or something where both of you cringed at the mere contact of your lips.”

“How did you know?” I mumbled as he had been close except the name of the boy was Bradley and luckily for me I had never made any contact with him again after that.

“Know what? I mean I just guessed but I am happy...” He rambled and while he was quite close to what it had been like I wasn’t going to confirm it to add to his amusement.

“That it was my first kiss.” I clarified.

“I didn’t know for sure until now. There’s nothing wrong with it though, it's refreshing actually.” He sighed and put his hands behind his head as he rested back against the bookshelf.

“So, while it was a momentous moment for me that you just took, for you it was a nice change of pace?” I narrowed my eyes as I suddenly felt enraged at how casual he was being.

I was sure to many it would just be a kiss, a heated moment shared between two people that barely knew each other but I wasn’t drawn to those kind of things.

“Did I upset the Princess?” He shifted to his knees and rest his elbows on the arm of my chair.

“Upset? Debatable. Offended? Yes. You came in here and just put your injury issues on me to fix and I was sure you knew I would make sure you left with the problem solved.”

“Just because you feel offended because I didn’t acknowledge a kiss we shared the weekend first thing I saw you doesn’t mean that you have to make it seem like I used you.” He rolled his eyes.

“Yet as soon as I solved your problem you were ready to leave.” I wavered and tried to not scream like I wanted to and resorted to loud whispering to get my point across.

“You think I didn’t see how you were dodging me all week. So yeah, as soon as my problem was solved I left because why would I force a situation you were running from all week?”

I frowned and glanced away as I felt my adrenaline dying down, “I didn’t think you noticed.”

“Meredith, you’re the one kid I have actually made the effort to talk to so you happen to stand out to me” It could have been the sweetest thing he said if it was met with the same sincerity as in my books but instead he said it as if I should have been honored to be in his presence.

I folded my hands in my lap and focused on them instead of the grey-eyed bad boy that was next to me. “I can’t believe I allowed myself to get wrapped up in you so much that you stole my first kiss”

“Is that the story you are going with?”

“That’s what happened. You kissed me...” I shrugged as we had just been speaking and then he went all seduction on me or as my sister would put it, the predator had taken its prey.

“And you didn’t push me away.” He argued while I remained silent, “Are you mad because I kissed you or mad because I was the first person you kissed?”

“What do you mean?” I glanced at him and saw his jaw clenching; his voice had been quite monotone, but the annoyance and anger wasn’t able to be hidden on his face.

“Never mind. If I had known it would have caused me this much of a headache I wouldn’t have done it” He stood up and walked off and I wanted to scream after him but remembered where I was so instead I dropped my book, grabbed my bag and followed him out.

“You know you make me feel like I am a bad person when I know I am not.” I stared up at him, aware that our argument felt a bit more intimidating to me because I wasn’t the one hovering over him.

I always forgot how much taller he was than me.

“Funny. Could say the same thing about you”

I almost laughed out which caused him to arch his eyebrows before I spoke, “Have you looked in the mirror lately? You have bad written all over you.”

He nodded and lift his hood up again as if he just seemed to realize that we were out in the hallway and not hidden in between shelves. “I didn’t think you were one to judge a book by its cover”

“I am not but when that book pitches up with bruises and brings pocket knives to school it’s hard not to” I shrugged while a small smirked formed on his face and I wasn’t sure why.

“That didn’t stop you from getting on the back of my motorcycle though?”

“Why are you doing this?” I shook my head and leaned against the wall.

It was honestly tiring speaking to him and not just because we were arguing but because I didn’t talk this much in general.

I only really spoke when spoken to at school.

“Doing what?” He frowned before glancing past me and I realized the hallway was slowly filling up as the bell would be going off soon.

“You know what you are doing” I narrowed my eyes while he just seemed more amused than anything else when I was trying to show him how serious I was.

“I honestly don’t, Meredith. Please enlighten me”

“I…” My voice was muffled as the school bell rang signaling the end of break. “I don’t have the energy to enlighten you. I have to get to class.”

“Keep running, I know where to find you”

●●●

I stared out of my window and watched some birds flying through the blue sky and wondered what it would be like to have such freedom.

Since I turned sixteen I debated whether I should do what most did and leave town once I finished high school but deep down I knew I didn’t want to leave the safety of a place I had known my entire life.

I was comfortable where I was and seeing all that I had, I was at peace at a young age while Dane just seemed a bit troubled. He moved around a lot and I was sure that wasn’t easy being exposed to new places every time and having to start over at a new school. I guess it was why he just chose not to even try at our school...

“Meredith!” I heard Melissa and frowned until I saw her seated at the foot of my bed trying to get my attention. “I swear, the way you daydream you would think you actually transported yourself to another planet.”

“What is it?” I sighed as I closed my notebook where I had just been doodling and sort of procrastinating instead of starting my homework.

I focused my eyes on her and could tell she had just gotten home from cheer practice due to the athletic shorts and tank top.

“Well I just…” She stopped herself as she seemed to notice something. “Where’s the concealer I gave you?”

“Why?” I frowned as I hadn’t expected her to ask for it back because she always gave things away without a second thought whether it was to me or her friends.

She shifted more onto my bed and laid down beside me like we usually did a few times a week before our little argument in the car the other day. “Because the dark marks from those little pimples are still there”

I pushed away her finger that were literally pointing out my flaws.

“It doesn’t bother me anymore. I am sorry that it bothers you” I shrugged as it didn’t bother me, but it didn’t mean I enjoyed the fact that she constantly pointed them out.

“I just wish you would take more pride in how you present yourself to the world” She stared over me before she ran her fingers through her straightened hair.

“Why? So, I don’t appear like a jealous sister?” I blurted out.

She sighed, “That’s the reason I am here. I hate that something as silly as being curious about where you were led to things being said in such a harsh way or at all.”

“It’s okay. It wouldn’t be the first time something silly turned into something serious” A small smile filled my face and hers too as she seemed to recall the same thing.

“I am still sorry about breaking your Barbie” She giggled but I knew she wasn’t apologetic at all, I had gotten over the anger I held for that heartbreak though.

I had cried for days because my parents refused to buy another one and cursed my sister to a thousand deaths.

“I shouldn’t have hidden Ken from you” I turned onto my side and rest my head on my arm so I could get down to her level. “Even though I believe that my Barbie was better suited for him since she was his first love”

“Why would Mom buy us only one Ken?” Confusion filled her voice as she tried to track the train of thought.

“She didn’t. You gave yours to one of the kids on your playdate and kept borrowing mine.” I reminded her because they had bought each of us a playhouse and the perfect couple.

“Oh, that’s right. In the end I guess it worked out, my Barbie ended up with your Ken” She smirked.

“I guess” I nodded as I had thought at the time we would never get over it because I had hated her so much for breaking my precious Barbie.

Her dramatic words at the time were ‘If my Barbie doesn’t get him then your Barbie can’t either!” before she ripped Barbie’s head off.

Everything was so much simpler when our biggest problems were setting our dolls up on dates and putting on different dresses for them every day.

“We really do have some intense arguments, don’t we? I tend to forget them because of how close we are” She said thoughtfully and fluffed one of my smaller pillows before she rest her head onto it.

“I don’t think you can be so close with someone and not have disagreements. Especially when we do differ a lot, like I wouldn’t have given my Ken to anyone but you have a more giving heart than I do.” I pointed out as I was very attached to my things, it was why my room was always in such a state because I tended to hoard.

“Sometimes I have. Now you don’t want a Ken at all” She teased, and Dane’s face involuntarily popped into my head even though he was far from a Ken.

“It’s not that I don’t want one. I just don’t see myself being with anyone that we have grown up with, they just have this certain way of seeing me.”

She nodded as she understood me like only a twin could, “I wish they would see what I see. I guess that’s why I am always on your case”

“If they really wanted to see more in me they would make the effort and I know you’ll say that I should too. But I told you I don’t care, and I wish you would stop trying to turn me into you cause I am not you, Mel.” I half begged and hoped she would heed it.

“I know you aren’t. But you’re hiding who you are, if people knew how funny and snarky you were. How gorgeous you are when you truly make an effort then they would be judging you because of jealousy and not because they look down on you.”

I frowned at her words but didn’t want to talk about myself any longer, “You didn’t come in here to try and save me…”

She rolled her eyes due to my dismissiveness before she spoke, “Right, back to the current argument. Sometimes I just feel so torn between you and Adam. I enjoy spending time with both of you but obviously for completely different reasons. I wish he had a twin, so he could understand, or any sibling and I wish that you had a boyfriend or just someone, so you could get it. It's tough wanting to spend time with both of you while not disappointing the other”

“Kinda feels like I am always the one being disappointed though” I whispered and sat up again before I pulled one of the pillows to my chest and held it.

She narrowed her eyes while I glanced out of the window, the sunset from my window was always the best. I wondered what it would look like from the place that Dane had taken me to.

“We live together. You see me the most or you would if you didn’t lock yourself in your room all the time”

I tore my eyes always from the beautiful works of nature and looked at her.

“I think we should just accept that we are drifting apart even though we are trying to hold on for dear life” I giggled even though there was some definite truth to it, we weren’t kids in matching outfits anymore.

She gasped and sat up as well, “No, we aren’t. It's just that I have cheer, a boyfriend and you have soccer and a new job.”

“Maybe we should schedule twin nights or something.” I joked, mostly because I just wanted to get the fight over with.

It didn’t matter what she said because I had seen shades of what she truly thought of me at times and I couldn’t erase it.

“See? That’s being productive. I just hate when we fight, and I say things I don’t mean. I don’t think you are jealous at all. I just know you wish I was with you more, like things used to be before Adam was in the picture”

I shrugged and hoped it seemed like I was over all the words that were thrown my way, “It’s been four years of him in the picture, I am used to it by now. You can live your life how you choose. I wish you would just let me be who I am instead of trying to continuously mold me into something I am not or a version of me I don’t want the world to see.”

“I am sorry I make you feel that way, maybe one day when you get to a certain pointyou will realize that I was never trying to do that. But until that day I will try my best not to comment on the mess your room is” She shrugged with a playful, teasing tone and I glared at her before I hit her with the pillow I had been holding.

She laughed out before she quickly headed for my door, “Come on, I’m going to get some popcorn ready for us so we can watch a movie”

I smiled as I followed and while words couldn’t be taken back, she was still my sister and we would always have eachother.