Deviations

Taka: Mitsu

Taka: MitsuThe day I met the girl I would come to love I lost one of the only two real friends I had. Any other day, if I ran into a girl on the street, I’d be charming, getting them blushing and giggling even if I had no interest in doing them. But that day, my fake self was gone. I was just a boy, a young child in my near-adult body, running around the neighborhood, searching desperately for my beloved Mitsu.

The mist that had been falling since I left the house had morphed into a slow, steady rain, as if to set the appropriate mood for the looming outcome. My sneakers splashed through the puddles forming as I ran, calling Mitsu’s name every few seconds. Even as my fear of his truly being lost grew, I tried to keep my calls cheerful so he wouldn’t think he was in trouble.

We’d been together for ten years, ever since the day my parents had surprised me with a little fat, wriggling puppy as a bribe designed to keep me happy when they told me I’d soon be a big brother. Truth be told, I’d been happy at the news, but I didn’t let on. Hell, what eight-year-old in his right mind would have turned down such an awesome trade?

“Mitsu! Dinner!” He’d always had a voracious appetite, even though he only weighed four and a half kilograms, but his favorite word didn’t bring him flying to my side. He had such short little legs, I doubted he’d gone far. But what if someone had stolen him? Cute little dog sitting in the rain, I’d be tempted to snatch him up too.

“Please, Mitsu! Answer me!” I tried again. Was he still chasing that damn cat? He’d never been a fan of cats, and seeing that one jaunting down his sidewalk had sent him into a frenzy. The cat had the good sense to take off in a flash of black and white fur, but Mitsu had given full chase. Still, he was old and getting slow. He’d have to quit soon. Any minute he’d come around the corner, wagging his tail and grinning so hard his eyes would squint; he wouldn’t even bother to apologize for worrying me. He’d know I’d pick him up and half-chastise him while spoiling him; I never was good at properly disciplining him.

When a high-pitched scream cut through the sound of the rain, I knew what it meant. Deep in my aching heart, I knew what would make a person scream like that. Dread filled me, like it had a few weeks after I’d gotten Mitsu, the day my parents sat me down again, only this time to tell me that my little brother had died inside my mom and there would be no baby. Mitsu helped me get through the months when my mom cried more than I thought anyone physically could and my father kept “working late” instead of being with her, leaving me to try to comfort her.

The scream came from the other side of the park. I ran till my lungs nearly burst in complaint, but I wasn’t fast enough. His little white body lay on the side of the road, the unrelenting rain matting his once soft, tousled fur against his body. A trickle of red-stained water ran from his body to the drain nearby. The clinical part of me was glad he hadn’t suffered first…glad I wouldn’t have to be the one to put him out of his misery.

“Mitsu.” My voice broke as if I were still mid voice-change, but I didn’t care. He was mine and now he was dead because I f****d up and let him get out the door. I squatted, reaching out to ruffle the top of his head. Once, the motion would have sent him into ecstatic little circles, but not anymore. Though warmth still radiated from his body, his chest wasn’t moving.

A sniff made me realize I wasn’t alone. A girl squatted beside him too, her pale hand stroking his damp side. As soon as I looked at her, it clicked that she’d been there the whole time; my brain just hadn’t processed it.

Her hand trembled as she spoke in a low, quivering voice. “I’m sorry. They didn’t even stop! I saw him standing on the side here and I tried to call him. The driver could have swerved to miss him, but he didn’t and I wasn’t fast enough. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

If I hadn’t started crying, I’d have tried to tell her it wasn’t her fault. At least she’d cared enough to stay with him. But if I’d tried to speak, I’d have outright bawled, so I sat there, my fingers still trying to ruffle that now too-wet fur. Her small hand appeared in front of me as she dabbed her handkerchief against my face to dry my tears. It was a silly thing to do if you think about it. I mean, the rain wasn’t stopping, so why bother wiping my tears? My face was as soaked as hers, but it was nice of her to try to be of help anyway.

Once I had my emotions under control, I looked up at her. The rain glued her short black hair to her face as it blended with her tears. No umbrella hung on her arm nor lay nearby. Not that I had the right to judge when I’d run out of the house without one too. She wore a coat despite it being the start of June, but it offered little protection from the rain. Still, she’d sat there with my Mitsu. That made her okay in my book.

Something about her seemed familiar. She looked to be around my age. Had I seen her at school, in a different class maybe?

“Um…thanks. For staying with him, I mean. He always hated being by himself, would go nuts if left alone too long. So I’m glad someone was with him, you know?” I managed to get it out without the cracking voice reappearing.

She nodded before pulling the plain black scarf from around her neck. “Here, you can wrap him in this, if you want.”

“You sure?”

She flashed one of those half smiles, the kind you give someone when you aren’t happy or laughing, only trying to offer a little comfort. “Yeah, I’d rather he have it.”

“Thanks.” Even though he felt no pain anymore, I worked methodically to avoid jolting his body. The scarf was long enough to make a perfect shroud for a dog of his stature. He was lighter than usual as I picked him up and stood.

She wiped my face for me again before pressing the handkerchief into my hand. The flimsy bit of cloth, white and lacy with little flowers looked almost obscenely cheerful when paired with the cheap, functional, black scarf. “Keep it, in case you need it again.”

I didn’t want to be rude by pointing out that the rain had rendered it useless, so I did my best to return the half-smile. “Thanks again.”

I bowed as best I could without squishing him. She returned the gesture before stroking the bundle in my arms, giving the dog she’d known long enough to watch him die one last pat. With another brief bow, she headed down the street, going north and towards the coastal side of the district. The same direction I walked to get to Shinji’s place. Perhaps that’s where I’d seen her, hanging out in one of those areas.

Walking back home, I kept a slow pace to give myself a few minutes alone to say my goodbyes. “You were a good boy, Mitsu; the best dog in the world. Remember when I got so sick, you wouldn’t even leave my side to go eat and made kaasan[1] bring your dinner along with mine? And whenever I got home, you’d always wag that tail so hard I half expected it to fly right off. You made me happy to be home, even if I wished I could just leave and never come back. I’d have never left without you, though, not ever.”

I paused, forcing back fresh tears, unwilling to risk anyone else seeing me cry. The girl at least had been part of it, but random strangers on the street? No. That much of my pride was still around at least.

“I’m sorry, Mitsu. I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. I should have picked you up when I answered the door, or locked you in the house while I got the seal. I should have made that damn delivery guy close the gate. Why did he leave it open? Why was I so careless?” My voice broke again as I gave his body a light squeeze. “I love you, Mitsu. I’ll never forget you. I promise. Don’t worry about me. You head on up to the heavens now. I bet it’s a paradise up there with meat-covered bones and steaks and cats too stupid to run as far as you can see.”

When I reached the house, I spotted his stuffed bear by the door. It had, in a way, been his own pet. He’d carried it all around the house with him and wouldn’t go to sleep without it. It was missing both eyes now, but still it was as if the bear were glaring at me, its sightless face seeming to scream out accusations over my mistakes.

“I’m sorry…your owner’s gone. He went to be with my granddad.” My voice hitched as I stupidly tried to explain things to a teddy bear. I reached down and picked it up, putting it on top of Mitsu’s bundle.

Seeing it there, its little bear arms seeming to hug his body was the final tipping point. I let my grief explode and cried in the rain like a child as I mourned my dog. For those few minutes, I stopped caring what anyone would think. All I cared about was that he was gone and would never return.

After my tears ran dry, I found a large box in which to put him, along with his bear and favorite rope bone, until my parents got home. I picked up the lid to close it, but paused. He loved flowers. Granted, he loved digging up flowers rather than enjoying their beauty, but still, it seemed appropriate to put some in the box too.

My mom wasn’t much for gardening, but our neighbor had a gorgeous garden with flowers almost year round covering the ground around the huge cherry tree where she and her husband often sat in nice weather. Even though Mitsu had dug in her flowerbeds before, when I explained what happened, she offered her condolences. And despite the still-dripping skies, she went out into the garden and brought me back the prettiest white blooms from her chrysanthemum bushes.

I don’t know what was harder, putting that little box away or dealing with my father when my parents came home. My mom tried to comfort me by reminding me he’d been old and had enjoyed a long, happy life. It didn’t help any more than that girl wiping my tears from my wet face had, but her embrace was warm and comforting.

Of course, my father couldn’t miss an opportunity to throw out one of his lessons and point out the obvious. “It’s a shame, such a shame. Leaving the door open like that was irresponsible, Taka. I’m sure you understand that Mitsu’s death is because you were careless and didn’t think about your actions. It’s a painful lesson to learn at your age, but it’s important. Once you take over the company, the lives of all our employees will be in your hands. It’s a responsibility you can’t take lightly. It’s important for you to learn to own up to your mistakes and accept responsibility for your actions. You must always think about the consequences of your actions. You understand?”

“Yes, sir.” I’d learned a long time ago that was the best answer to give when he went into lecture mode. He had no interest in discussing his “advice.” He dispensed it, and it was expected that I would accept it as the absolute truth. No questions allowed, even if sometimes I had no clue what he meant. Of course, today I understood perfectly well. Yeah, yeah, in his own way he was right, but would it have killed him to give me a few days before shoving my screw-up in my face?

I swallowed my burst of annoyance and looked down with my features carefully schooled into a proper contrite expression. “Otosama[2], can I have him cremated? I’ll pay for it from my own savings.”

“Cremation? What a waste of money. We can just have the city dispose of the body. I mean really…”

My mom put her hand on his arm and the annoyed look dropped from his face. I swear she has magic powers in that hand or something. No matter how ticked off or stressed he gets, she touches him like that and bam, he’s calm again. I do sometimes hear them argue at night, but it never sounds too serious and they always seem fine in the morning. Nothing like the crap Shinji deals with all the time anyway.

She gave me one of her sweet mom smiles. “Of course, sweetie, you go ahead and call them. It isn’t too late yet, so they might be able to get him today.”

“Thanks, kaasan.” I darted into the hall before my father regained his senses and realized he’d been overruled. One of the mobile services was still open and agreed to come, parking down the road, a few meters outside our neighborhood. Rain continued to fall in fat, steady drops, as I washed Mitsu’s body before walking out to meet them, this time with an umbrella.

Rather than go home to wait and deal with my father again, I sat under the nearby bus stop shelter and called Shinji. He wouldn’t be all judgy and crap. He’d let me wallow in the blend of self-pity and self-loathing gnawing at my heart while helping ease the aching.

After his voicemail picked up, I remembered he was out working some freshman girl this evening. I hung up, knowing he’d call back later. I debated sending him an email, but I decided to wait for his call. I wasn’t about to kill his mood to win our bet, and at this point, there wasn’t anything for him to do anyway, other than listen to me whine. Granted, I wouldn’t have minded having him with me right then, but it wouldn’t be cool to interrupt them like that.

So instead I sat alone, trying not to think about the now ownerless plush circle that lay at the foot of my bed.