Deviations

Shinji: Best Friend

Shinji: Best FriendSakuraba. She’d been a cute enough girl. Long black hair that fell in waves down her shoulders. Slim body. Shy, sweet smile. She’d been demure whenever she approached me, looking nervous and uncertain. I knew it was just an act, though. She’d been looking at me like her favorite snack cake.

Not that I minded. When girls looked at me like that, it was a sure bet that it would be a nice clean call, no dealing with anyone wanting to “fix” me or crap. We both came to it wanting the same thing: good, string-free s*x to take our minds off our personal troubles. A one-time meeting of needs, and we both moved on a little more relaxed. Nice and tidy.

In her case, she was stressing over her grades and whether she’d get into a good college. Low-key stuff as things go, but I still listened attentively as she chatted on, still a little nervous. She’d had one or two boyfriends before and wasn’t a virgin, but I suspected this was her first time doing a hookup. Still, I didn’t think she’d get clingy, as she wasn’t giving off that nutty vibe. No mementos of the exes all over her room, and she hadn’t been over the top in her efforts to get my attention.

I’d finally shut off the talking by kissing her. It was like a switch went off in her, and it wasn’t long before we were both naked. I love that feeling, of being in another person, of thrusting myself in and out of them. I love the smell of s*x, the taste of it, the sound. Everything about it, really. It’s one of the few times we are totally ourselves, you know? No bullshit, no pretending; we just give in to our basest instincts and enjoy the ride.

When it was over, she thanked me. I smiled, reassured her that she’d do fine with exams, and teasingly added that I hoped I’d helped her relax a bit. That earned me another shy, demure smile and a blush while she nodded. I said my goodbyes and left, glad to see it had stopped raining.

A block away, I remembered my phone had vibrated while I was at her house. Ever the polite lover, I always muted the ringer during our time together. Unless Taka sent me an email, which always gave me an audible alert so he could reach me if there was an emergency. The screen indicated he’d been the one to call. He hadn’t sent an email, but he wouldn’t have called for no reason, so I dialed him back as I walked.

“Shinji?”

“Hey! You owe me lunch,” I said with a half-grin. It really hadn’t been much of a bet. They were getting almost too easy these days. “What’s up?”

“Figured as much. I thought that’s where you’d be.”

He sounded tired and a bit congested. “Hey, you okay?”

“Not really. I…” His voice broke a little, his pain obvious. I hated the thought he was hurting somewhere alone, being Mr. Tough Guy, and trying to handle things on his own. He should have mailed me, but he wouldn’t do that. He was too kind.

I changed direction to head towards his neighborhood. “Taka?”

“Mitsu…he got killed by a car a few hours ago.”

“Damn, man. I’m sorry.” Mitsu had been a cool dog and Taka loved him like crazy. “You home now?”

He sniffed. “No, I’m down the way a bit, not far from the beach. They’re cremating him now.”

“Okay, be there in five.” I hung up before he could protest that I didn’t need to come because that was bullshit. He was alone and needed me. My friend finder app confirmed I’d already gotten pretty close to where he waited. It's one nice thing about living in a relatively small area, damn near everywhere was nearby. I sprinted most of the rest of the way, not caring that I was splashing through puddles and would get yelled at later. Taka needed me.

He sat under a bus stop shelter, his arms propped on his knees, his head buried in his hands. I sat beside him, wrapped my arms around him, and held him tight while I waited for the dam to break.

After a few moments he shifted enough to return my embrace, burying his face in my shoulder. I mumbled something. I don’t even know if it was really words. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway. Words weren’t important. It was the sound, the meaning, the emotions behind them. Much like my being there. I couldn’t “do” anything; I wasn’t a god who could restore Mitsu’s life. I had no superpowers, but now he wasn’t hurting alone. That was the important thing.

“It was all my fault.” My shoulder couldn’t dampen the angst in his voice. “I left the door open when a package came, and he ran after some stupid cat. I tried to find him, I tried…”

His voice trailed off, and I made another murmur to confirm I was there and listening.

“He went through the park. I guessed wrong; I stayed on our side and went towards the beach. Maybe if I’d gotten it right…if I’d seen him and called him, he’d have come right back. I know he would have. I should have known better which way he’d go.”

I debated how to answer. He needed to vent, but I didn’t want him beating himself up about it. We’d been friends way too long for me to throw out some sort of inane bullshit, and he’d rightfully call me on it if I did. So I thought for a bit before finally coming up with an answer. “It was that same cat we’ve seen before, right? Lives in one of the houses on the coast, so of course you’d think the stupid thing would run home. You made the most logical choice without having any clues to guide you.”

He nodded, giving me another squeeze before sniffing and looking up at me. I handed him a tissue from the freebie pack I’d gotten earlier that day to blot his eyes.

“Thanks. Sorry. I just…” He leaned back on the bench to look up at the darkening sky. Even shadowed with sorrow, he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. I loved his hair, his eyes, his body. In truth I loved him, far beyond being his friend. But he didn’t need to be burdened with that, not when we’d never have a happy ever after. And now was not the time to get mopey about my unrequited love.

I glanced over at the van parked along the road. It was almost surreal how normal it looked. A clean, white van, not even a business logo. Nothing to indicate it contained a box with a raging inferno inside turning Mitsu’s soft, fluffy self into a pile of bone and ashes.

“Some girl saw him get hit.” We’d been quiet so long I almost jumped at Taka’s voice. “She stayed with him and petted him, so he didn’t die alone at least.”

“Oh? That was cool of her. Most people wouldn’t even bother paying attention these days.”

“Yeah. She gave me her scarf too, for a shroud. Wish I’d thought to get her name. She looked familiar, though, so probably I’ll see her around and can thank her properly.”

I smiled a little. Propriety had been drilled into Taka’s head by his dad for over a decade, and while Taka bristled at a lot of his dad’s demands, the manners thing he’d taken to heart. He was always polite with people. Even when turning down the girls who confessed their feelings to him, he’d accept their confessions and be kind in rejecting them.

The man from the cremation service approached us to tell us Mitsu was ready. I walked with Taka over to the van where we watched the man use a pair of chopsticks to pick Mitsu’s bones off the oven tray and place them in a white porcelain urn. He moved surprisingly fast for how attentively he arranged them. I don’t know a ton about dog physiology, but it looked like he did a good job of putting Mitsu in the right direction. Mitsu’s skull and the ashes went in last. With the container sealed, he tucked it in a muted red-and-gold carrying pouch that had Mitsu’s name written with an enviously pretty display of calligraphy.

After he’d bowed and taken his leave, we started meandering back towards Taka’s house. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah.” We stopped a block away. Taka’s parents didn’t like him hanging out with me, even after all these years. I was too “common” or something, but they didn’t actively forbid our friendship or try to stop him from seeing me. Not that he’d have let them. We did try not to rub it in their faces, though, to keep his dad from nagging him about it.

“Thanks for coming.” He gave me another hug, an embrace I gladly returned.

“Always, man. No matter what, no matter when, you need me, I’ll be there.” It was about as close to a love declaration as I ever dared to speak aloud.

He nodded with a smile, his first all evening. “Yeah. Same here. No matter what.”

We bumped our fists together before he headed down the block, each pretending we hadn’t lied to one another. In less than a year, I’d leave Hakodate for good, he’d go on to his carefully scripted life of misery, and we’d never see each other again.

But the lie was easier to live with.