What Love Entails

five

sous l’âme || five

♠︎

The words that came out of Andrea's mouth sounded like a thunderclap to me. I blinked, trying to process the bit of information she just announced. I never for once thought that River and Bree would fall apart; they seemed– I hated to admit it– really compatible and I thought that they were happy together.

My mind was still hovering around the news during English lit class which I shared with both River and Bree. Bree was not in the class while River, I noted, looked as if he hadn't slept for days. His eyes looked tired as he rubbed his neck with his hands. He closed his eyes, his long eyelashes overtaking my attention. He seemed to be taking deep breaths in and out.

I was so busy observing him that I didn't hear Mr. Smith call out my name. "Ahem," I heard him the second time. "Kyla Wilson." I snapped my head to the front. "Yes, sir?" I stood up, blushing as the whole class's attention focused on me, including River's.

His eyes hardened on making contact with mine.

"What was the motive of the character in the story we're dealing with?"

I lowered my head down and muttered, "I'm sorry, sir. I wasn't paying attention."

"I could see that," Mr. Smith deadpanned. "Sit down and pay attention now."

I nodded and quietly took my seat. Tomorrow. Tomorrow was the day I was supposed to meet up with River for the project. Maybe I could ask him about it then.

I shook my head mentally. No. I possibly couldn't directly ask him just like that after all that happened. Besides why was I so concerned? So what if they broke up? It didn't matter anyway. River was clear about what he wanted the day everything fell apart.

“I never want to see your face again,” he had spat, his face twisted in utter anger and distaste.

Those words and that face still haunted me.

But since a couple of days he was behaving as though he had never uttered those words. It was exasperating. He was so confusing. I used to be the one person who could understand him in and out. But now, I couldn't figure him out in any way. It was funny how things changed so abruptly and vividly.

———

I texted River.

We still up for today?

His reply came after about ten minutes.

Yeah.

I typed in my reply:

I'll be there in 10.

I grabbed my jacket and proceeded to the door to leave when I noticed my parents in the kitchen together. They both looked solemn when I peeped in. "Hey," my voice was dipped in concern. They looked up at me and both gave a small smile.

"Hey, Kyles," my dad grinned.

"What's up, honey?" My mom glanced at my outfit. "You going somewhere?"

I nodded. "River's. We're partners for a project."

Silence ensued.

My mom spoke up. "That's great, hon. It has been quite a while since you've been there, hasn't it?"

I scratched my cheek awkwardly with a tight smile. "Yeah.."

"Well," dad's voice was firm. "Play extra nice today. After all it is the death anniversary of his mom today."

My mind went blank.

Shit.

Holy f*****g s**t.

How could I have forgotten? I bit my lip hard as I could feel a wave of varied emotions hit my chest. No wonder he looked just so.. so grim today. I gripped the fabric of my jacket hard as I bid bye to my parents and left the house.

I had never met River's mom. But I could tell that she had been an amazing person. River loved her to the moon and back. His eyes always held a sparkle of immense love and admiration whenever he spoke about her. The only time I ever saw him cry was when he told me how his mom meant everything to him and how much he missed her. She had died due to an illness just when he was eight. I couldn't even imagine the pain and anguish he had gone through when she left him forever.

I thought of ditching the plan for the day. After all River wouldn't want me there when he was grieving. I bit my lip. How could I have been so inconsiderate? I should never have asked if we could meet up today. As I approached River's house I stopped in my tracks. Maybe I should just head back. I could tell him that something came up at the last minute so I wouldn't be able to come.

I nodded my head mentally. Just as I was about to turn on my heels to head back, the front door of River's house opened. I awkwardly made eye contact with River.

He looked tired. His shoulders were slumped and closed in on himself. "Hey," he spoke softly.

"H- Hi," I smiled urgently.

"Are you just going to stand there?"

"Uh- right." I scurried to the door and hurried past him inside. Great. I mentally rolled my eyes. My plan went so well.

Closing the door behind him, River walked up to the couch and sat down, gesturing me to do the same. I slowly took a seat before looking over at him. He looked so exhausted that I couldn't help but ask him, "Are you feeling okay?"

His eyes darted up to mine dangerously. "What do you mean?"

"You-" I felt so nervous, trying not to say anything stupid or insensitive. "You just look very tired, that's all."

"I'm fine," he gruffed dismissively.

I stayed silent. "Okay," I said softly. "So let's continue the work."

We worked on our project quietly, talking only when it was necessary to. I was glad that we were almost done with it. I couldn't bear to spend so much time with him- it always felt like he sucked in all the oxygen in the room.

As we were halfway done with our presentation, a loud growl interrupted the silence. I blushed, realising that the source of the sound was my stomach.

A small deep chuckle erupted from River's lips as I felt my cheeks turning warmer. He smirked. "You could've just told me if you were feeling hungry."

"I, uh," I mumbled.

He got up. "I'll bring out some snacks," he said, his smirk never leaving his face.

As he left, I let out a big breath of relief. Well, at least my embarrassment kind of lightened the mood. I tried to do as much work as I could while River was at the kitchen. I wanted to finish off the work at the earliest so that I could leave and River could have some privacy.

The sound of his footsteps approaching immediately made my body tense up. He put down some packets of chips and canned soda. "I hope this is fine. That's all there is in the house today."

"It's more than enough," I snatched a packet of chips and tore it open roughly before grabbing a handful and stuffing my face. I always underestimate my hunger.

River laughed. The sound of his laugh made my heart flutter, like it always had. "Slow down," his eyes seemed much brighter now. "It's not going to run away."

I smiled through puffed cheeks full of chips.

River's hazel eyes twinkled with amusement, bringing out the specks of green in it. "You didn't change at all."

I stopped in my tracks as I gulped. You did though, I wanted to say, but didn't. River seemed to notice the gravity of what he had said as his eyes flashed with something I couldn't quite make out.

He cleared his throat. "So how much is left?"

"We just need to finish up the presentation," I calculated. "After that, we're pretty much done. We just need to cross check everything and refine it."

He nodded.

His phone buzzed and he picked it up. His eyes flashed with a kind of sorrow as he scanned his phone. He let out a sigh.

"Is something wrong?" I couldn't help but to ask.

He took a moment to answer. "No, it's just Bree."

Bree. It then dawned on me what I had heard from Andrea. Maybe they were still going out after all. Rumours were mostly lies anyways.

River's voice surprised me as he went on. "She wants to return my stuff to me."

I gulped nervously. "I heard that you guys broke up. Is it true?"

His eyes found mine and locked my gaze in his for a moment. "Yeah."

I was stunned hearing it from River itself. So it was true after all. I wanted to ask him why but decided against it. I didn't want to seem nosy. Besides it was none of my business.

"Oh," I just said, unsure of what to say to him.

After a moment that seemed like a millennium, River's voice whispered almost inaudible. "I f*****g miss her."

My heart panged. I knew it. He must have really loved Bree. I didn't know what to say. "Why did you break up then?"

He blinked. Hard. I immediately regretted asking what I did. "I didn't mean to pry, I-"

"What are you talking about?" I opened my mouth to apologise but his faint smile stopped me.

"My mom," he whispered softly.

His eyes stared ahead of him, seemingly lost in old memories. The corners of his lips were turned up slightly, forming a sad smile. "I miss my mom."

My heart broke. He sounded so vulnerable that I wanted to just go and embrace him. If things had still been the same, I would've. But I couldn't do that, not anymore.

But seeing him that way, I couldn't not do anything. So I slowly reached out to his shoulder and patted it reassuringly. He tensed up at my touch but relaxed the next second. "I'm sure you do," I whispered.

What he did next surprised me. He placed his hand over my hand which was on his shoulder and squeezed it hard. I could hear my heartbeat getting so loud that I was afraid he could hear it too. The tingling sensation of his touch made my heart flutter.

River closed his eyes as he let out a ragged breath. A single tear slowly escaped his eyes, rolling down his cheeks. My heart swelled as I did my best to resist the urge to wipe them off.

The doorbell rang, making me jolt. From the window, I saw that it was Bree. My nerves turned into steel as I quickly muttered, "I think I should go."

River's hand squeezed mine as he looked up at me with his mesmerizing eyes, rooting me to the spot. "Stay."

—————

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