Welcome To Alexandria

chapter12

Nothing happened that night, Ira’s harsh squeezes turned to a light massage as we fell asleep. I grabbed his phone, typing in his password to set an alarm so I could sneak back to the guest room only to see he had already done it. I sighed relaxing back into his arms. I fell asleep to the sound of him breathing and the rhythm of his heartbeat.

I was sitting on the front porch of my aunts house just enjoying the breeze scrolling through my phone, when some girl walked up to the front porch.’

“is Myles here.” She asked. I looked up at her taking in her appearance now. She had on a neon green tub top and shorts that her ass was falling out of with tan sandals that laces up to the knee.

“I don’t know.” I replied continuing to scroll.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Don’t you live here?” She had a bitchy tone that was already pissing me off.

“Yeah well I’m not his f*****g keeper.” I said not looking up from my phone, she just stood there in silece I sighed thinking getting frustrated because she seemed to not be able to take a hint.

“If he was expecting you, or wanted you here he’d be waiting for you so run along now. I’m sure you can find d**k from someone else.” I shooed her with my hand. I heard her suck her teeth at me before she spoke.

“He must not want you here either since you don’t know where he is.” She said.

I looked up at her to see she had a smirk on her face with her arms crossed like she won something. I sighed putting my phone in my pocket before I stood up from the steps squaring my shoulders with hers purposely getting in her space. Her face fell and she took a step back and I smirked at her. My dad used to tell me people will talk s**t all day till they’re caught in confrontation.

“Funny just how fast people turn Pussy.” I said emphasis on p***y. “Like I said. If he wanted you here. he’d be waiting for you.” I closed the small distance between us bumping her. “Now get the f**k off my aunties porch hoe.”

I turned to walk in the house when she grabbed my bun trying to pull me to the ground. I threw my elbow hard into her face and she stumbled back bring her hand to her face. I was more than pissed at this chargering at her but I stopped when I saw her back away. All I could think about is this is this house is the only connection I have left with my dad.

"Don't ever in your life try that s**t again." I said over my shoulder as I walked back inside, thinking that was enough outside time for me. I grabbed a glass of water before heading up to my room. I layed on my bed looking up at the ceiling just thinking about how I got here. Even though I know this entire house and most of the memories made in it I felt like a stranger. I wondered if they blamed me for my dad and Damien like my mom does. Do they hate me too and just took me in because they felt like they had to?

My door slammed open and myels stomped in. I sat up slow wondering what the f**k his problem was.

“What the f**k Alex! You haven’t even been her a week and I’m already having to save your ass.” He yelled

“Care to enlighten me?” I asked

“I just got off the phone with a girl I f**k with. I spent ten minuets telling her she didn’t need to have her cousins jump you what the f**k did you do?” He was pacing my room.

“I didn’t do anything.” I yelled back

“The f**k you didn’t, I still don’t know for sure if her and her cousins are gonna pop up here. We don’t need that s**t here Alex. Don’t start a war here just because you have a dead daddy and a mom that doesn’t want you.”

I stood up fast shoving him into the wall knocking everything off it. I had my forearm on his chest breathing through clenched teeth. But he was right, I am mad all the time. She wasn’t the first person I got shitty with just cause I felt like. I’m mad at the world right now but it’s not their fault, I shouldn’t cause problems for them. I heard running coming down the hallway and Malik ran in my room.

“What the hell is going on? Alex what’s wrong?”

I looked back at Myles who looked horrified, I felt a tear drop and realized I was crying. I quickly wiped my face then shoved Myles back into the wall.

“f**k YOU!” I screamed I grabbed my pack and shoved clothes into it making sure I put what I needed in. Then pushed passed Malik running through the house and out the front door.

Warning Suicide Skip to Safe Spot!

I kept running not paying attention to where I was going till my lungs burned and my legs wouldn’t go any more. I sat on a bench gasping for air it was dark outside and the stars were out. I looked at them and screamed why. Sobbing uncontrollably, I missed my dad and Damien so much I couldn’t do this anymore. The nightmares, the moments when my chest would get tight and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. The heart ache of not having them here anymore. Reliving the moments, I watched the life leave their eyes. I wanted to train with my dad one more time. I wanted to chase Damien outta my room when he was annoying me. I wanted the times we would laugh together at Damien doing something dumb. I wanted the time I’d never get back with them.

I grabbed the Lortab bottle that was in my bag. I got them from my dads’ bathroom cabinet, he had back surgery a few years back. They were hard to swallow with nothing to drink, but I managed to get the six of them down. I threw the bottle away then sat down scrolling through my camera roll, waiting for them to take effect. I looked at the pictures of my family when we were all together. I got to the one of me and Damien with pancake batter on our faces. It was Father’s Day so we wanted to make dad breakfast in bed. We started play fighting as we cooked, one thing led to another and we used all the batter to throw it at each other. I remember running around the kitchen dodging and throwing it back and forth. We laughed when it was all gone, and we were covered head to toe.

The more I scrolled the more my eyelids got heavy the loratab’s were really doing their job and I struggled to breathe as I grabbed a razor blade outta my bag. I thought the loratabs were working till I pressed the razor to my wrist, the dark red stream was my encouragement to keep going. I cried out pulling down opening my wrist about two inches from my palm. I tired to take short deep breathes in an attempt to sike myself up to do the other side. It took more energy to push the razor through this time.

“ALEX WHAT THE f**k ARE YOU DOING!

-SAFE SPOT-

I jumped awake looking at my wrists, the scars were still there but hard to see. I look over at Ira happy that Myles came to look for that night. I still don’t know how I made it but I did. Two weeks in a hospital begging them not to send me to a mental ward and a whole winter and spring of long sleeves. My cousins have had a consistent eye on me since then. I started school meeting Ira and Josh in the lunchroom and I’ve never tired again since then. I figured I owed it to my dad since he gave his life for me.

I snuggled back into Ira thinking about if I had been successful, I never would have met him again. The last three years have been hard but, manageable. It made me sad to think about that, so I knew for a fact that I was in trouble. I let Ira in even if I didn’t do on purpose, he’s someone I never want to lose and that’s dangerous. What happens if I lose him? I couldn’t answer that, so I tried to forget about that as I went to back to sleep.

I woke up the sound of Ira's alarm, he didn't move so I turned it off and left to the guest room. I took a quick shower and myself in a towel my hair in a t-shirt. Going to the dresser I noticed my phone was on it and I remembered it was still off.

"s**t" I whisper yelled. I went a whole day without contacting my cousins, on top of how I left. When I turned my phone back on just like I thought. They lost their minds, 37 missed calls between the two of them. 10 to 15 text from both < that's insane coming from them, and more voicemails then I care to mention. I called Malik he's the calm one.

"Alex?" He questioned

"Yeah..."

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" He yelled so loud I had to hold the phone away from my ear.

"My phone was off and I forgot to turn it back on I'm sorry." I replied

"Your sorry. Alexandria I was so worried and Myles wouldn't shut up about trying to find Ira's house just so we could make sure. At first I was like okay maybe she just needs time but them more time passed the more I thought Myles wasn't trippin. Do you have any idea how scared I had to be to agree with him? I mean god damn Alex, I know you don't wanna be here but we're still family and I care for you." He ended he's rant with a sigh and I felt like s**t. We both now what happened the last time and i know that's their first thought when they cant reach me.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to, I love you cousin." I said rubbing the back of my neck.

"I know you didn't, I shouldn't have yelled at you. My bad, but you need to talk to Myles hold on I'll give him the phone." When he said that I groaned. Like I said Malik is the calm one. I heard Malik talking to Myles telling him I'm on the phone.

"All right Alex, I'll be honest I'm pissed off that it took this long for you to call home. I know you're grown but you scared the s**t outta us." I tried to talk but he kept going.

"Buuut, I haven't slept all night I have s**t to do in a few hours and I need some sleep. Most of all I'm happy you're okay." I blinked several times not believing that this was my cousin on the phone.

"I'm really sorry I didn't call." I said.

"Don't trip lil crip, I still love you."

With that we said our good byes and I got dressed before heading down stairs smelling breakfast. It was Victor of course making the whole family food like he always does. I sat and chatted with him after he told me I couldn't help while waiting for everyone else to join. Momma Dez was already off at work I heard her leave while I was in the shower, but even this was peacful. I mean I love eating but it was cool to have everything be okay a joke around with people that I love and loved me back. Unfortunately, school is coming meaning my peace would be soon interupted.