Chapter 1-1
2326 Words
Chapter 1
Zoey
I double check my outfit, worried that my stepdad Aaron might not think it’s appropriate. Shorts, a long-sleeved shirt, and a pair of sneakers. I don’t even know what we’re doing. He asked for a day together and I know he’s trying to bond, which is what’s important. He’s been a little more open since I’ve been home from college for winter break.
But I know I’ve been quieter.
I tried not to be, but it’s not in me to fake it. When Aaron married my mom ten years ago, he rescued us from a hard life, and I will always be grateful to him for it. But we’ve never gotten close, mostly because of his son, Asher. My evil stepbrother. The dickhead who made my childhood a living hell. Granted, he’s changed for better, although I can’t say how much. He’s no longer a terror in my life, but he’s become the smothering older brother I don’t want. Especially when his actions are blocking my efforts to get laid.
Okay, so Asher isn’t an all-around c**k-blocker. He doesn’t care about the guys I date. Except his best friend, Sawyer. He just doesn’t want me to f**k his best friend.
I spent half of Thanksgiving break trying to ignore Sawyer. And his teasing. The way he pushed my buttons and dangled himself in front of me until I was half insane.
And then he stood up for me against that asshole in the mall, then kissed me breathless afterwards. I remember that steamy make-out session on our living room couch, when Asher caught us and almost lost his marbles. But despite that, Sawyer and I didn’t stop. We just... we were too far gone. He took my virginity—which left me with such a beautiful memory. He touched my soul repeatedly that night, taking me with a hunger that left me wanting more.
Making love to a bad boy was a serious risk. Making love to a player... even worse. I knew what I was getting myself into. I wasn’t interested in love. Not until he buried his c**k inside me, when he peppered my skin with kisses that made me ache all over. But then he made a promise to never let me go. I shouldn’t have believed him. My instincts begged me not to fall. But did I listen? No. For once, I didn’t want to be the good girl who played it safe.
So I fell. Hard. And Sawyer stuck around for a while, making me believe I made the right choice. He made me hope that a long-distance relationship could work between us. But after a few weeks of contact, he went silent. No texting. No phone calls. Granted, I told him to take some time to decide if he wants to be with me, but I didn’t expect he would ghost me.
It hurts like hell. But as I said before, I knew what I signed up for.
He’s coming back to Miami for Christmas—and now, it’s four days until Christmas and I’m getting more nervous with each passing day. Because he’s coming with an answer, and I don’t know what it will be. Will he decide to be with me and continue screwing around in secret, or will he say he’s too old for that s**t?
I’m aware of our five-year age difference. It’s a major reason Asher is against us fooling around. Well... he’s also an ex-con who sells w**d on the side, but there’s a story behind it all. And although I haven’t known him for very long, I got to meet the good guy beneath that rough exterior. He’s just had a hard life. I’m quite sure the goodness will emerge with some love and care.
I would love to be the woman who sets him free. But I would be fooling myself to hope. I’m only twenty years old. I’m not equipped to handle a complicated man like Sawyer. Which is probably why I want him so much.
Anyway, I’m straying. I had been thinking about Aaron and why we aren’t close. He’s a good guy, my mom’s prince charming. Money has never been an issue since he came into our lives. But there’s an emotional deficit that exists and I need to change it because I’m the one to blame. I wasn’t ready to trust another man after my father walked out. When Aaron married my mom, I did a countdown for him to leave.
He didn’t.
I warmed up to him a little until Asher moved in a few weeks later. He had been living with his mom and started acting out, and she couldn’t handle him anymore. Of course, I was excited because I always wanted a big brother. But Asher was nothing but the devil’s spawn. He terrorized me so much; I think I’m still traumatized. I couldn’t tell the older folks because I was afraid it would break them up. But deep down, I blamed Aaron for what Asher did to me. If he had done a better job of raising him, he probably wouldn’t have been the demon that bullied me for years.
But that’s water under the bridge now. Asher’s changed. So have I. It’s Christmas; time for a new beginning.
“Hey.” Aaron taps against the door jamb before walking into the kitchen. “Ready?”
“Ready,” I reply, reaching for my cross-shoulder bag
“I thought we could do some last minute Christmas shopping to get in the spirit, you know,” he says as we walk to his truck. “Get a tree, some presents, some decorations and set it all up.”
“Don’t you want to wait until Asher gets in town?” I ask.
He chuckles. “Asher is a grown-a*s man. I don’t think he’s interested in going Christmas tree shopping with me.”
Interpretation: I’m still a kid. It irritates me a little, but I give him the best smile I can manage. “Thank you for including me. It means a lot.”
“No worries.” He glances at me while changing gears. “Besides, you’ve been really distracted since you got back this morning. I thought an evening out would clear your head.”
I nod and lean against the back of the seat with a deep sigh.
“Is everything okay with school?” he asks.
“School’s okay. I’m still waiting for my exam results, but I passed them all. I’m sure.”
“Good.”
A brief silence settles between us and I stare out the window at the elaborate Christmas displays on my neighbors’ lawns. This is my favorite time of year. The lights, and the carols and the perfect weather.
“Hey, Zoey.”
I turn my attention from the road to him. “Yes?”
“There’s something going on with you. Now, you don’t have to tell me what it is. That’s okay. You’re allowed to have your secrets and I don’t want to intrude. But I’m here. I just need you to know that.”
“I appreciate that, Aaron.”
Another silence, but this time I’m thinking about what he said. I’d done plenty offloading on my best friend Tiffany on the phone, and she gave her best advice, but maybe I need a mature perspective. A man’s perspective.
I swallow. “Um, I kinda had a... fling with someone, and I don’t know where we stand. I think he’s about to break up with me, and I’m scared. I don’t know how to let him go.”
“Are you in love with him?” Aaron asks, and I shrug. I’m still trying to dissect how I really feel about Sawyer. Until then, I can’t really say.
“Why do you think he’s about to break up with you?”
“Because we live miles apart. Also, he thinks I can do better. He’s not exactly a saint.” Gosh, I don’t want to give away too much. Aaron’s smart. He could easily connect the dots. I can’t handle him knowing Sawyer and I are having a fling. Maybe it’s time to shut my mouth.
Aaron sighs and pats the back of my hand with his. “It wasn’t easy when my ex-wife left me. Our marriage was hell, but I didn’t want it to end. She had been seeing someone else for months, but I still loved her. I knew I’d be better without her, but at the same time... my feelings didn’t get the memo.”
“What did you do?”
“Honestly, I drank. A lot. I went on a lot of dates—terrible dates, most which made me feel even worse. But it was the right thing. After four months, I stopped calling her, unless we were discussing Asher. After five months, I was rebuilding my life. Seven months later when I decided to sign the divorce papers, Mary-Ann told me she wanted me back.”
“Did you go back?”
“Nope.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because as hard as it was, I knew what was right.” Aaron nods to me. “We know things, even if we can’t put them into words, Zoey. If I had gone back to her, it wouldn’t change a thing. The problems would still exist. She would probably cheat again. It’s not an easy decision to make especially if your emotions are involved. But if this guy isn’t right for you, Zoey, then you need to let him go.”
I reply with a vigorous nod, then turn my gaze out the window so Aaron can’t see my tears. When he pulls up in the parking spot at the mall, I quickly wipe my face while he exits the truck. There’s a lingering lump in my throat and my swallowing doesn’t make it go away. But I arrange a cheerful expression as I follow Aaron into the mall.
“I still racking my brain over what to get your mom,” he says as we walk past a makeup store. “What do you give a woman who says she has everything she needs?”
“Well, I heard her complaining about her back during Thanksgiving, so a back massager would be quite nice...”
Aaron grins. “I knew there was a reason I brought you along.”
“I thought it was my effervescent personality,” I reply, and he laughs.
“Yes, that too.”
I can’t help chuckling a little.
“Maybe get her like a spa kit, too. She loves the lavender scent.”
“Okay, sounds good.”
“Oh, I’d buy two of them if I were you. That way, you can both have a relaxed time together. She likes spending time with you.”
He nods and actually takes my advice. Then he goes to the jewelry section of the store. He doesn’t need any help with that, so I leave him to it, and browse the department store by myself. I get a gift for mom, Aaron, Asher and Tiffany. I’m tempted to get a gaming lapboard for Sawyer, but I don’t. Our situationship is on rocky ground. I don’t want to complicate it with a gift.
Aaron and I keep shopping. By the time I stumble across something that would be perfect for Mom, we’re laughing like old friends. I also find a recipe book I’m sure Mom would like and set it in the cart, then it’s on to décor. We get candy canes of all colors, new ornaments, garland, lights, and a light projector.
We finally select a tree that almost didn’t fit in the truck, and after a bit of prodding, we finally manage to get it in. Aaron whistles carols on the way home, making me smile because I’m finally feeling the Christmas vibe. I look over at him as he changes tune. “You know, Aaron. I’ve never heard you whistle.”
“There’s a lot we don’t know about each other. Which is partly my fault, since I’ve been away so often over the years.” He flashes me a genuine smile. “Let’s fix that over break.”
“I’d like that.”
And I mean it. If Asher and I can turn over a new leaf, so can Aaron and me.
Aaron pulls up in the garage and I hop out of the truck to help with the tree, but then he gets a business call. I don’t know what stupid impulse pushes me to get the tree on my own, but I do. I give it a hefty tug, then miss my step and fall backwards. I wait for my back to hit the pavement. Instead, I feel a pair of arms around me.
“Whoa. I got you.”
An ice-like sensation runs over me, then it feels like I’m being doused with warm water. It leaves goosebumps all over my arms. “Sawyer?”
Of course, it’s him. His sandalwood scent is all over me, overwhelming me in a good way.
“In the flesh, kitten,” Sawyer murmurs with an amused tone. He pulls me up to face him and I can breathe again. Like, really breathe. The tension in my chest has disappeared. But I’m not ready for this, for him. I don’t want to hear him say goodbye.
I tuck my hair behind my ear. “I... I didn’t expect you here until Christmas Eve.”
Yup. Him being early is definitely not a good sign. He opens his mouth to respond as Asher appears through the side door. “Sis!”
Oh, God. Sometimes I prefer when we were mortal enemies. I don’t know if I like the changed Asher. The one who’s obviously trying to cockblock. I have no doubt of his intention right now.
- Writer
