It's Not All Roses

Seedlings (Chapter One)

All of my life, I've been forced to follow a plan. My plan? Oh no, but the plan made for me, certainly. All of the other girls envy my life, I can see it in their lives, the way they act day to day. But I doubt they'd still be envious if they knew.

Take a shark, for example. They're big and intimidating, but the second they stop swimming, they are at risk of death. My life is like that, only, I can stop moving, but I can't not follow my life plan.

Today, I turned eighteen. Yet another different thing between me and the other girls. Eighteen is typically an age of freedom, where the child goes off into the world, their own life finally beginning, free to do whatever they wish without their parents' control. But with me, I doubt I'll even be able to attend college unless my husband to allow it. And if college is out of the question, then it would be outlandish for me to even hope to have a job.

But, I suppose that it is okay, I mean, I have a job to do, my duty to fulfil. I mean, despite everything, I have it a lot easier than other girls from my ancestry. I mean, I was privileged enough to have grown up with my betrothed. 

He is very kind to who he is close to, despite everyone believe he is stone cold. After all, Jamie is my best friend. He has been with me through every hardship.

When my father died, he sat with me, both of us silent, on my bed for days until I was ready to talk. When I had my bout with my eating disorder, he sat with me at every meal, constantly reminding me that eating wouldn't stop my mother from being proud and loving me. When I was diagnosed with anxiety, he was there, holding my hand. Every little thing behind the scenes and kept out of the eye of the public, he was there. Of course, I'm not blind, of all people to marry, he would be at the top of the list.

If only I had a choice.

Jamie will always be my best friend. I just don't want this marriage, this relationship, that is being forced upon us won't ruin our friendship that has formed over the past eighteen years. I really don't want to grow to despise him, and vice versa.

~~~~~

All of my life, everything has been handed to me. Clothes, food, money, electronics, you name it. I was even lucky enough to have been handed a best friend at birth.

Emmelyn Ashford. My angel on Earth.

Emmie is my best friend, and I love her so much. Her happiness is why I despise her family traditions. I've known Emmie for so long, she is the only person I can be myself around. 

I also know Emmie more than she knows herself. I know her favorite food, color, drink, outfit (right down to the socks). I know what makes her happy, sad, angry. What makes her laugh, cry, smile, frown. I know her ticks and triggers. I can see through the minuscule cracks and chips in the mask her parents placed over her face. I know when she needs to be verbally cheered up, or if she just needs to sit and allow the silence to encase her. I know her preference for movies and junk food on a couch at home over dinner at a fancy, expensive restaurant.

Emmie is classy and elegant without being snobby, bratty and rude. Emmelyn deserves the world. I only hope that in this marriage, I can give her exactly that. When Emmie and I were old enough to understand the future of our relationship, I was so angry. 

Emmelyn was calm and collected, almost as if she had known, and that was what I believed. It was a few days later when I finally went to talk to her, did she manage to explain.

"It's a tradition," she had said, somber, "I'm only sorry you got dragged in. You should have a choice."

I remember the details of her facial expression, even through my own blind rage. How could she have so much disregard of the fact that her entire future had been laid in front of her, giving her no choice in any of it?