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1111 Words
SERAPHINA
The pounding on the door worsens and I ignore it, stuffing my clothes—there are only a handful of them—into my duffel bag.
"Seraphina," Ronan growls. "Open the damned door."
Too many things to say. I have way too many things choking me up. And this rage I don't know how to handle.
An obscenely loud rattle and the door bangs against the wall viciously. Ronan appears in the doorway, eyes swirling a dangerous gold as he notices my empty wardrobe and packed bags. His expression turns murderous. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Leaving," I punctuate the word by shoving my only other pair of worn boots into the bag.
He's crossed the room in a matter of seconds, snatching the bag from my grip and hurling it across the small room. "You will not."
"Why?" I snarl, stepping up to him, fighting the monstrous aura that tries to force me to harken, to bow my head low and sink my knees to his feet. "Will I spread roses on your matrimonial bed and welcome your children with her?"
Ronan grips my shoulders. "I beg you to calm down, Fina—"
I push him off. "Don't tell me to calm down! It's all I've ever done where you're concerned. Patience while you hide our bond and court other women at the behest of your parents. Perseverance while I have to bear the scorn of your people who call me your w***e while you sit there and do nothing to defend me. You asked for time. Two years, Ronan! Two years and you picked some random stranger—"
"Tova isn't some random stranger!" he snaps, emotions flashing in his eyes.
The sharpness in his tone takes me aback, forcing me to reconsider what I've been pushing from my mind. "You've been seeing her. How long have you been cheating on me?"
Ronan blanches for a second. "That is hardly the point of this conversation, Seraphina—"
"Tell me! That," my finger pokes into his chest, "is the least you owe me."
His nostrils flare and his lips pull tight in displeasure. "I've known her since she was a child, but we only started seeing each other over a year ago. She always was taken with me. I saw the opportunity and did what was necessary."
My mouth dries. "By necessary, you mean you slept with her. No. You've been sleeping with her. And me."
Ronan's jaw tightens. "You know how long I have worked to gain control over even a fraction of the North. It was a small sacrifice to make for the greater good." He steps closer, hand rising to touch my face. I step out of his reach, but he moves with that eerie swiftness and cups my cheeks forcefully. "But I've only ever loved you, Seraphina, and believe it or not, this fixes everything."
I rip his hands from my face. "No." My voice cracks. I hate that it sounds weak. "We're done. This—" I motion between us. "—it's over."
It's not the first time I've had my heart broken. It's not the first time I've had to leave and start over. The urge to sit still and bawl presses down on me, but I shove it down, drawing strength from the ache I feel.
Ronan's eyes darken. His lips curl into something ugly, something that doesn't fit his stunning face. "That isn't for you to decide. It never has been. I chose you, not the other way around. And until I say I'm done with you, you will remain here." His fingers dig into my waist. I flinch, trying to yank free, but his grip tightens.
"Tova and I will marry." His hands trace up my ribs possessively. I shudder, hating him. Hating his scent of myrrh, hating the mating bond for pulling us together. "And you will be my mistress. When the wedding is done, I'll move you to one of my homes in the countryside. You'll have more than you could ever ask for—"
I stopped hearing him at "mistress."
Because suddenly, it hits me.
The last two years. Everything I dreamed to be before I met him, everything I never wanted to be. Everything I have sacrificed to be here, unwittingly.
When Ronan and I kicked off our relationship two years ago, I shared my plans with him. I shared my truths and weaknesses. Not out of naivety, but for honesty. It was one of the two things I asked of him. That he be completely honest with me. The latter being not to be made into a mistress.
He promised me both. And he promised me love, even when I didn't ask him to. He promised loyalty.
But that was the problem, wasn't it? That I believed him any different from the men in my life who always failed me. From the father who abandoned my mother and me to be with his real family, knowing full well she was pregnant. From her brothers, who cast out a woman heavy with child for her so-called promiscuity and turned their backs when her health declined, leaving a twelve-year-old to bear the weight of it alone. To work herself to the bone just to keep the bills paid, to scrape together enough for medicine. To endure the leering eyes of men. The wandering hands. To fight, claw, and bleed just to exist in a world that had already decided she was nothing.
And even in those moments where Mom's mind broke, she would still call for him. At some point, she was too far gone to remember my name. To care that I always gave her my dinner and never ate. That I looked ill and malnourished.
But she never forgot his name. Baldwin.
For a while, I stare at Ronan and wonder how I got here. Pregnant. About to be his mistress.
A violent shudder racks my body. My stomach clenches so hard I nearly retch as I say the words, "I would rather die than be your mistress."
Ronan goes rigid. "What did you say?"
I ball my fists and lift my chin. "I'd rather die than be your mistress and after tonight, I do not want to be your anything. Marry Tova, give her your children. That is your choice to make. What I will not accept is you dictating the way I live out the rest of my life. You do not own me. I chose to be with you and I can choose to leave, on my own terms."
The shift is startling.
- Writer
