Dear First Love

5

Dear First Love,

I heard that you and your girlfriend had a fight today. I don’t know why, and it might be too nosy of me to ask, but I saw you crying behind the school afterwards.

It made my heart hurt to see you cry. I bought you another Oak chocolate milk and brought it to you - I’m not good at consoling people. I don’t know how.

But it made me happier slightly when you smiled at me and said thank you as I gave you the drink. I couldn’t help but sit down next to you. Did I overstep my bounds? Should I have not done that? Do you hate me for it?

I didn’t say anything then. I wish I had, but only absolute s**t would have come out of my mouth if I had spoken, like ‘oh, does this mean that you’ll look at me more now?’ You would have hated me for that, if you don’t already.

I’m a selfish person. I want you even though I know you have a girlfriend. I want you even though I know I can never be good enough. I want you even though your girlfriend is ten times - no, a hundred times - prettier, kinder, and better than me.

I’m so selfish to want that.

When you calmed down then and stopped crying, I watched you smile sadly and thank me, then leave. I felt empty when you left.

I hope that you feel better now.

Sincerely,

H.