Chapter 223
1098 Words
“Because I got outside and I was heading for the train station, looking over my shoulder, totally panicked, and I realized that I’d been doing that exact same f*****g thing for four years. Four years, Jim.” She shook her head. “Four years of being so scared and so lonely and not being able to sleep at night. And I stood there, about to flag down a taxi, and all I saw was four more years of the same. Then four more after that… then another four. You know? I saw my future. The only future I have if I keep running, and it’s exactly like my past.”
Jim stayed silent.
“Then I started to think about what you said… about being safer here with you and the guys than I’ve ever been before, and ever will be again. And I knew that you were right, that being out there alone was stupid. Almost suicidal, probably.”
“Yeah.”
“And then I realized that I had to make a choice. I had to choose a place to stay. To – to make a stand. You know what I mean? If I don’t want to run anymore, then I have to stand still, and that means choosing a place to do that.” Her eyes were full of tears now. “And I realized that I want that place to be next to you. I want – I want to stand with you. All of you.”
“You do?”
“I know it makes me selfish, that I want to see Liv and Dallas as a married couple, and that I want to meet Emma and Dean’s baby,” Beth said. “And it puts everyone in danger and I’m so, so sorry for that… but maybe I can go into hiding at Dallas’ safe house until Ferguson’s caught. I mean, just me. If Dallas' team throw out some pretty convincing red herrings that I’ve left Denver and then I’m out of sight, the rest of you should be fine, right?”
“So, wait.” Jim’s head was still fuzzy. “So you really want to stay? To be with me?”
“If you’ll have me,” she said. “If you can forgive me.”
“For drugging me?”
“For everything,” she said quietly. “For temporarily losing my faith in you guys, and for not talking to you, and for thinking that you’d be better off without me in your life.”
“I wouldn’t be better,” Jim said. “I’d miss you like hell.” He was quiet for a few seconds. “I’d be lost without you.”
“I saw that on your face, just before you passed out. You looked – wrecked. Devastated.” She hesitated. “I didn’t expect that.”
Finally, Jim reached out to her. Beth closed her eyes in relief, his touch gentle on her cheek.
“Why didn’t you expect it?” he asked. “Don’t you know that I love you?”
Her eyes flew open. “N – no.”
“Well, now you do. I love you.”
She stared at him, the tears flowing. His face softened and he held out his arms to her.
“Come here, baby.”
At those amazingly familiar words, she moved into his embrace, her head pressed against his chest. Jim stroked her hair and pulled her closer as she cried. He shut his eyes and just held on as she shook.
Minutes passed and Beth calmed, but he still didn’t let her go. He needed her right there, just for a little while longer; he needed to be damn sure she was in his arms and not on a night bus to anywhere-but-here. She sensed it in him, and didn’t make any attempt to move away.
Finally, he pulled back a bit. She looked shaken and afraid, and his chest tightened at how scared she still was. She’d made her choice, but she was now looking at the fall-out of having made it. Jim would be with her, and she’d be protected, but Beth was hiding, still. It’s not like she was totally safe. Not yet.
Maybe not for a while. Maybe not ever. How’s she supposed to build a whole real life while she’s hidden away from the world in a safe house? What the f**k are we going to do?
Beth saw it in his face. “You regret it already?”
“What?” he said.
“Regret me staying?”
“Never, Beth. We’ll figure it all out, somehow. Me and the boys will make it all OK.”
“You really think you can?”
“I do. Honey, I really do.” He kissed her. “Trust me, OK?”
“I do.” She smiled at him, and his stomach flipped over at her beauty, her belief in him. “I promise you that’s why I’m still here.”
“Speaking of here.” Jim stretched and groaned. “Can we please get off this sofa-bed? It’s killing my neck.” He gave her an accusing look. “You promised me I’d never have to sleep here again, baby.”
She laughed. “You want to move to the bedroom?”
“Yeah.” Jim sat up, wincing at the all-over aches and pains. “What time is it, anyway? How long have I been out?”
“Uh.” She blushed. “You went down at just past one o’clock yesterday afternoon, and it’s almost four o’clock in the morning now.”
He blinked at her. “I was out cold for fifteen hours?”
“Ummm. Yeah.” Beth shifted. “I – I gave you kind of a large dose. You’re a big guy, and I had to be sure you couldn’t stop me, or follow me.”
Jim shook his head. “Goddamn, girl. Remind me to never piss you off.”
“So you think you can walk?” she said. “You OK?”
“Yeah.” He put his feet on the floor and she scrambled to stand beside him. “Let’s go get a few more hours sleep, alright? Then we’ll call Dallas and we’ll sort this whole f*****g thing out. One way or the other.”
“I love you,” she said softly.
“And I love you,” Jim said. “You just never stop amazing me, Beth... not for one second.”
- Writer
