Chapter 130
1092 Words
“So Chris said yes.” Olivia Jameson brushed her long auburn hair back from her beautiful face. “And he’s moving in here tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Jenny said as she poured Kat another glass of wine. “Into the guest room.”
“For now,” Emma piped up.
“Yes.” Jenny flushed. “For now.”
The other women looked at her, then at each other.
“What?” Jenny asked.
“Well,” Olivia said slowly. “I think it’s great what you and Chris are trying to do… but I can’t help but worry a bit. And I mean for both of you.”
“I know,” Jenny said. “It’s – it’s rough. And in a strange way, I almost feel like it’s going to be harder on him.”
Kat choked on her wine. “On him? Why?”
“Because he’s going to be doing things with no idea at all what my reaction’s going to be.” Jenny fidgeted with a dessert spoon. “He knows that I’m going to panic sometimes, and he’s going to have to deal with it somehow. And he’s going to think that he caused my freak-out, and he will have, but not really. I think it’ll be hard for him to see the difference: that I’ll be upset about something that he did – but only because it reminds me of what someone else did.”
The women nodded.
“And it’s weird, you know?” Jenny said. “This guy moving in with me, and he’ll be touching me, kissing me, and he’s not even my boyfriend.”
“You guys will need to talk about the lines in your relationship,” Emma said. “Especially since as things progress, you’ll start to develop feelings for each other. Romantic feelings.”
“I know.” Jenny sighed. “Lori told me about the link between emotional and physical intimacy and closeness. She said that I’d almost definitely start to develop feelings for Chris, and he may think he has some for me.”
“OK, whoa,” Liv said. “Why will you develop real feelings, but he’ll think that he will? Why the distinction?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Jenny stood up. “More cake?”
“Hey, stop,” Kat said sharply. “Answer Liv’s question.”
“Nothing,” Jenny told them. “Just – a slip of the tongue.”
“No.” Emma’s voice was quiet. “It’s because you think that you’re unlovable. You think that it’s impossible for anyone to develop real feelings for you, because you’re not worthy of them. You think you’re broken and damaged, and you think that any sensible person would run screaming away from you.”
Jenny blinked at her.
“That’s part of what you and Chris are doing here, Jenny,” Emma said. “He’s not just retraining you to accept male touch. He’s going to show you that you’re desirable to a man. Sexy. Beautiful. Because you still don’t believe that. Do you?”
Jenny looked down. “No. Not even close.”
“Well, you’ll need to start to think of yourself as a woman that men want to touch and make love to,” Emma said crisply. “Because I promise you that Chris sees you that way.”
“What?” Jenny stared at her and sat down again.
“Yeah.” Emma smiled. “One of the reasons he can do this is because he finds you attractive, right? If he found you repugnant, he’d never be able to even contemplate getting into bed with you.”
Jenny looked horrified. “You think he finds me attractive?”
The women rolled their eyes.
“Jesus Christ, Jenny,” Liv said. “Of course he does. The way he looks at you, girl… he’s always been into you, but he’s a gentle, careful man, and he knew not to push you. He knew you couldn’t handle it.”
“But – but… that will complicate things even more!”
“No.” Emma shook her head. “It will make it less clinical, sure, and that’s not a bad thing. I mean, one of the reasons you asked Chris to help you and not a professional s*x surrogate is because you need that personal connection, that known quantity.”
“You’re safe with him, Jenny,” Kat said. “You know that, right? No matter what he may feel for you, he’ll never go faster than your pace… he’ll do what you ask, when you ask.”
“Yeah,” Jenny whispered. “I know.”
“Well, that’s a kind of love, sweetie,” Liv said. “At least a part of what it is – it’s sometimes about waiting until the other person is ready to accept that love.” She looked down. “Like what Dallas is doing right now with me. He’s waiting for me to take off my clothes and show him my scars, so he can love me.”
The other women studied her. The long scar on her gorgeous face was still an angry pink, but Liv had stopped pulling her hair forward to cover it. She had shown them her chest and stomach, and they’d calmly regarded the dozens of scars there – all lengths and sizes, the raised skin red and rough – but they’d been badly shaken at the sight. They knew that Dallas would never reject her for not being the perfect supermodel any more, and Liv knew that too, mostly. She just needed some more time.
“They’re both good men,” Jenny said. “Dallas and Chris. I know he’ll wait… I know he’ll only do what I ask.”
“And you have to let him develop feelings for you,” Emma said. “Later, what you two decide to do with your feelings for each other is between you.”
“Why would we do anything?” Jenny asked, genuinely perplexed. “They wouldn’t be real feelings, would they? They’d just be a – a natural result of a weird set of circumstances. Right?”
Emma smiled gently. “That’s a conversation for a later time, OK? For now, just get used to having Chris living with you. Hold his hand. Let him hold you, touch your hair. One thing at a time, Jenny. OK?”
“Yes. OK.” She nodded, relieved. “Baby steps.”
- Writer
