Chapter 180
806 Words
Emma Cartwright clutched Dean’s hand tightly, her nails almost digging into his skin. He was so nervous and tense that he didn’t mind. He barely noticed, actually.
They were in Doctor Fife’s office, and they knew it as well as they knew their own bedroom. Emma had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia the previous summer, and had been ill for the entire duration of their relationship – although for the first three months that they were together, Dean had had no idea that she was sick. He had discovered her cancer by accident, and he still shuddered when he thought about finding Emma that way.
He looked at Emma now, saw her biting her full lip. Her eyes were almost purple with worry, and her beautiful face was pale.
“Hey,” he said softly.
She looked at him.
“Deep breaths, angel. We’ll get through whatever it is, right?”
Emma nodded.
The door opened and they both sat up straighter. Doctor Fife breezed in and grinned at them, and they both relaxed right away. He didn’t believe in a professional poker face and never hid any news from them, so if he was smiling, he had something good to say.
“Emma!” Hal Fife said cheerily. “I have wonderful news for you!”
“I’m responding better to the chemo?” she asked.
“Nope… better than that, even.”
Emma and Dean stared at him. Hearing that Emma’s bone marrow transplant had resulted in a better response was about as good as they had been hoping for.
“Better?” Dean asked, his green eyes stunned. “What can be better?”
“Remission.”
Total silence.
“Remission?” Emma whispered.
“Yes.”
“How can you be sure?” she said.
Hal opened the folder in front of him. “I have the results of your last tests. There are no leukemic cells at all, Emma. Not in your blood, not in your bone marrow. Your bone marrow is working normally again – that’s a direct result of your transplant.” He smiled at her. “You show no signs whatsoever of the leukemia.”
“But – but that’s impossible.” She shook her head, dazed. “It’s – it’s too fast. You said I could maybe expect remission in the autumn!”
“It’s not impossible, actually,” Hal said. “It’s rare, to be sure, but I’ve seen it before. You’re a psychologist, Emma, so you know how a patient’s mental state can have a massive positive effect on their medical recovery. And you, my dear, have one hell of a positive mental and emotional outlook.”
It suddenly occurred to Dean that Emma was actually cancer-free for the first time since he’d known her. “My God, baby.” He blinked at the tears in his eyes. “Emma…”
She looked at him, and he saw she was uncertain.
“What’s wrong?” he said.
“I – I don’t know.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “I’m just – I think I’m in shock.”
“I know,” Hal said. “You’ve been doing this every day for so long now, you’ve forgotten what it’s like to not have to be sick. This is common, Emma, this sense of unreality.”
“And – and what are the chances that the cancer will come back?” she said.
“Emma,” Dean said, baffled. “Why are you asking about it coming back?”
“Because sometimes it does,” she said, almost angrily. “Because being in remission isn’t being cured. I’m – I’m scared to believe it.”
“Emma.” Hal was gentle. “Honey, this reaction is totally normal. Your mistrust and your disbelief. It’s OK. Listen, go home with Dean, and let it sink in. Come back on Monday at about noon, we’ll talk again then. Alright?”
Emma nodded, and got to her feet. “Thank you. I’ll see you on Monday.” She tried to smile. “Maybe then I’ll feel like it’s real.”
She was quiet the whole way home, and Dean didn’t push her. When they got home, she went to their bedroom and shut the door, without a word.
Dean stood outside in the hallway, worried. He had no concept at all what she was thinking or feeling, and that freaked the crap out of him. He felt like he’d gone to the hospital with Emma and returned with a stranger. But he let her be, and he only knocked on the door to tell her that he was going to work.
We’ll talk when I get home… she just needs some time to adjust to the shock. She’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.
- Writer
