The Moon Singer Collection

Chapter 7-2

“You will, Isaac. It"s a wonderful goal. I wish there was never any war, no battle that would make that necessary. I"m glad that David will never have to go and fight. He"s safe now.”

“Because he can"t hear? Billie, how can you be happy about that?”

“I"m not, I"m not. I just -” Billie cringes at the possibility that she has brought his deafness upon her son as a way to keep him safe at home. She relives the horrible dream about tearing off his ears over and over, and now her son is deaf. Billie is guilt-ridden, but a tiny, secret part of her is relieved.

“Won"t Fischbacher help you? With the Mercy ships, I mean.”

“Not Nathan. He"s a mercenary if there ever was one. No money in charity, he says.”

“Well then, you"ll find other backers. You"re a wonderful designer, a visionary.”

“One day. But first I have to create something that no one else has thought of and make everyone want it.”

* * *

“Is Mom in a mood today?” David asks his father.

Isaac nods. “She"s always that way when she"s doing something challenging.”

David and Isaac never quite know what is on Billie"s mind or in her heart, why her mood shifts, as though there is some inner torment that she is always fighting. When she isn"t immersed in her music or teaching David, Billie tries her best to show some domestic skills. Sewing is the one talent she aspires to that frustrates her. Isaac praises her dogged determination but dodges her every time she comes near him with a tape measure. So, it"s Sally that is gifted first with a not-so-perfect yellow pinafore that the sunshiny child feels is perfect for her.

Billie diligently presses on and by the time David is to celebrate his 13th birthday she manages to design and sew a shirt for him, a sporty blue shirt with mother-of-pearl buttons and white embroidered monogrammed initials, DN. The flaws and shortcomings of the finished shirt do not faze David.

“This is so cool,” David signs, grinning with pleasure. “I"m never going to take it off. I"ll wear it until every thread is frayed, until the initials fall off and the buttons turn yellow and crack.”

Billie laughs heartily. “Oh, I hardly think so. But thank you for loving it. It is a bit big for you, though. I cut the pattern with room to spare.”

“So, I"ll grow into it. That means I can wear it longer.”

Her next sewing project is a pink sheath for herself with an intricate pattern, making the task even more daunting. Unwavering, she swears, “I"ll make this dress if it"s the last thing I do.” Little does she know it is the last dress she will ever wear.

* * *

“Billie! Wake up! What"s wrong? Wake up. You"re having a bad dream.” It"s a pronouncement that Isaac has made to his wife many times - “You"re having a bad dream” - but he never knows what torments her so much. Her panic attacks have gone on far too long for them to be post-partum depression. So Isaac just holds her close believing that he can keep her from unraveling mentally by sheer force of will.

In Billie"s newest nightmare she is dying, willingly giving her life to save her son. Just as she is about to know the nothingness of death Isaac awakens her. She is soaking with perspiration and seems delirious. But in the safeness of Isaac"s embrace, she is soon calmed and the trembling stops. She knows how unfair it is to keep the truth from Isaac, but she can never tell him the meaning of her prescient dreams. He would never understand. He might leave her. And that would be worse than death.

“Is this what these crazy spirits are telling me? That I have to die?” she asks Dorinda when they next meet. “They say if you die in your sleep you die in real life. Will I one day go to sleep and not wake up?”

“We all die, Billie. I can"t foresee how it will happen for you. But somewhere in your consciousness you know that it was meant to be.”

“To die and leave my husband, my children? That makes no sense to me. I won"t have it. I won"t let it happen! I"m supposed to teach David some important lesson or guide him to some great achievement. How can I do that if I"m dead, for crying out loud?”

“At some point, you will have taught him all you can in this life. You"ll need to move on so that he can evolve on his own.”

“I understand why I"m being punished, but why does my son have to suffer so much? First he loses his hearing and now he"s going to lose his mother. What does that teach him? What does that teach either of my children? Or Isaac? That I"ve abandoned them, that"s what. Well, I won"t do it. There has to be another way. I won"t leave my family.”

* * *

Billie plays as though it"s a matter of life and death, striking the keys with power and poetry and passion, determined to chase away the demons and transform them with the awesomeness of her technique.

The more she fights it, the more she tries to slow the march of time, the more she feels impending doom. What will happen? When? Day or night? When I"m crossing the street and a truck will hit me, or drown when I"m swimming? Maybe I"ll choke on my own cooking or I"ll get struck by lighting.

When I"m crossing the street and a truck will hit me, or drown when I"m swimming? Maybe I"ll choke on my own cooking or I"ll get struck by lighting.She wants one more Tarot reading, to get some clue as to what kind of death is in store for her and when, but when she goes to the plaza there is no tent and no one ever remembers there ever being one. She runs from shop to shop, begging people to remember the fortune teller, the sign that said, “Tarot Card Readings by Dorinda. Truth Seekers Welcome.” They shake their heads. No tent. No fortune teller.

“I can"t have imagined all this. It was real, so real.” Billie relives every scenario since her first reading, every card and its profound meaning for her life. She can see and hear and feel the presence of Dorinda and Nameless, their quiet elegance and power, and her deep trust in their wisdom.

But with no proof, no evidence that she ever entered the magical tent, experienced the surreal encounters with two mystical beings , she trembles at the thought that, “Maybe they"re right. Maybe they never existed and it"s all been an insane dream. Maybe I am insane.”

I