Chapter 10
1226 Words
Nameless leaves Billie alone to do a “chore.” This surprises Billie for she never knew there were chores in wherever this is after you die. She learns, however, that spirits in the hereafter are quite busy working, learning, creating in all manner of activities. Certainly not the same as they did in their mortal life, but more in thought, visualization and telepathic conversation.
“It"s not like you thought it would be, is it?”
Billie feels a presence by her side that makes her uncomfortable. “Who are you? What do you want?”
“I am your Dark Side, Billie.”
A rush of chilling air, an ethereal gasp of fright, rips through Billie at this admonition. That"s what the sinister dark cloud had said to her while it hovered creepily on her keyboard one afternoon while she played Chopin"s Nocturne, rendering it into discord.
“You again! What are you? How are you here? You don"t belong.”
“No, I don"t belong here. So I escape now and then from the limbo that enslaves me and find my way back to that lively, exciting realm of Earth. Oh, how I love to taunt human beings like you, so pretentious and self-absorbed.”
“I"m not! I mean, I wasn"t. Who are you to judge? How dare you say that to me?”
That familiar mean-spirited laughter echoes through the boundless ether, changing Billie"s soft blue cocoon to a dusky shroud.
“I dare because you need to know there is more here in this infinity than the monotony and exasperation of The Watching Place and the fantastical, unreachable Other Side. Looking through that Window of Time is fruitless. It"s the real purgatory that people on Earth talk about when they believe punishment awaits them after they die. Don"t let your foolish spirit guide deceive you and pretend otherwise.”
“She"s not foolish. And why would she deceive me? What has she to gain?”
“It"s a game played here by so-called superior souls who want you to be helpless and powerless.”
“I don"t believe you. Get away from me.”
“All right, I"ll go - if you are fine with never reaching your precious son or seeing your family again. But what if I told you,” the Dark Side suggests conspiratorially, “there is a way you can have all that you desire?”
“What - what do you mean?”
“What if I told you,” the hooded, faceless entity taunts Billie, “that you could reincarnate as anyone, any time you wished?”
“No, that"s not possible. I can"t choose when and whom.”
“Don"t believe that drivel. Come with me and I"ll show you how it"s done.”
As though mesmerized Billie follows. They stop at the front of a vast entrance, an indescribable barrier with no form or substance. What lies beyond she cannot see, but the Dark Side lures her on with a carrot dangling at the end of a stick: she will be with her family again, and with her son, to finish what she began as his mother.
“On the other side of this entry is the key to your dilemma, the vehicle to escaping this prison of your own making, the means to rid yourself of your guilt and be free to return to your former life. Just step over the portal and you"ll see.”
“I can"t. I can"t see past it.”
“You mean you don"t want to see it. Get over yourself or you"re never going to move on.”
With the determination that served her well in life, Billie consents, and steps into the abyss. Shockingly, however, what she sees is completely contrary to what the Dark Side implies. This is no trouble free environ with spirits floating on the breeze of carelessness. Instead, it is an endless sea of souls lost in the dull, quiet chaos of deep despair. They never speak to each other, just shuffle aimlessly along, heads down, with lifeless eyes.
The weight of their past transgressions is profound and they carry it like millstones. They all but have a letter “G” branded on their foreheads, reminding them of the guilt they carry and don"t know how to shed.
Terrified, Billie backs out, returning to safety. “I can"t go there. I am not like them.” Billie struggles with her conscience. “I"m not. Am I?”
Dark Side tells her she is not so pure, for she lied to Isaac about her affair, about her psychic experiences, about her dreams of taking her son"s - his son"s - hearing so he would never be a soldier at war.
his“But I did that to protect him,” Billie protests, “to protect both of them from suffering.”
“And what about your sister? The one you encouraged to join in a peace protest that cost her life?”
“I didn"t - I mean, it was what she wanted to do. How could I know how it would turn out?”
“What about her suffering? Do you want to carry that memory with you for eternity?”
“No. No, I don"t,” she whispers.
“Then go through the portal and linger for but a moment, reliving your torment. Take your punishment, then be done with it forever. Only then can you burst free of your lifeless shroud to be with your loved ones again.”
The remorse is more than Billie can bear and she yields to the belief that some penalty is warranted. Determined to make any atonement to return to her family Billie makes the decision to feel that quickening of sacrifice, that momentary agony that will cleanse her sins. But just as she is about to cross the threshold, a warning clarion resounds, freezing her spirit in midair.
“Not one more step! Or it will be your last, Billie Nickerson! There is no returning from The Left Door,” Nameless cautions, swiftly returning to Billie"s side.
“But if I can see my family again…”
“Never. Not there. The Dark Side lies. Its wicked nature is to render needless punishment. You must trust what I tell you.”
“I - I don"t know. Dark Side warned me that you were not being truthful with me.”
“This is how evil works. Whether it"s inside of you as your dark side or in the mortal world, you must fight it any way that you can.”
“Who do I believe? What do I believe?” she implores.
What“Believe in love, Billie. Believe in those who love you, have always loved you, and will always love you.”
“Isaac did. Sally did. David did, once. And now he hates me.”
“Who prayed for you when you lay dying on that gurney? Who would have changed places with you as the breath left your body? Who would give anything to have you at peace and at rest?”
Billie"s tears flow like pearls and find their way to the burdened hearts of her daughter, her husband, and her son. “They would,” she knows down deep. “They would.”
- Writer
