The Blood Road

I - The Bitter Taste of Life-3

Lucius gazed at the red waters, the pool from which he had come back into the world, and he grunted at the remembered pain he had felt in that moment.

“He told me this would happen,” he said.

“Who did?”

He turned stiffly to look at her. “My father…Apollo…” Lucius looked back at the water, felt Adara’s hand leave his. “I was on Olympus, Adara. I was there. They said I could live there, that I could be free of pain and of suffering. I had to chose.”

“Why didn’t you stay then?”

He stood and stepped to the edge of the pool, gazed into its depths, a part of him wishing he could dive in and return to Olympus, if only to be free of the pain and guilt and torment he felt and was putting others through.

“Because I chose you and our children, my love.” Lucius looked at her, at the tears that streamed down her cheeks, the angry expression of utter loneliness she felt. He walked toward her and slowly knelt upon the ground, though it tore the skin of his knees.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there soon enough, that I was not really here for you since the fires.” He placed his hand upon her belly where their child had grown. “I…I wanted to make this world better, for all of us. And yet…” he looked her in the eyes, worried she would recoil, but she did not. “I failed you and our children, my love.”

There was so much Adara wanted to say, but could not. A part of her wanted to hold him tightly and wish it all away, and another part of her wanted to slap him across the face and tell him he was not the only one who suffered. Her anger at herself and him, merged into one, leaving her numb.

“We’ve been through so much, Lucius, and yes, I wish you had been there, that you had not left for war, or decided to take the world on your shoulders without speaking to me.” Gently, she pulled away from him and stood, unable to look into his eyes any longer.

Lucius pulled his cowl over his head again as he stared at her back.

“We have lost our child, Lucius. I have had over a year to think on that loss by myself. But what torments me now, perhaps even more so…is that I have lost you!” She turned to face him. “I don’t even know you. You went into Dumnonia a man, and you came out wounded and full of torment, and you didn’t even tell me. Why?”

Lucius shook his head. It seemed like another lifetime, another man. “I…I didn’t want to frighten you. My world had turned upside down.”

“The son of Apollo?” she asked. “I married a man, a man I loved with all my being.”

Lucius felt his heart tighten painfully. “I understand if you don’t love me, especially now. How could you love this?” he raised his arm to show the melted, red and angry skin.

“When we were married, we swore to journey through this life together, Lucius. Through all things. But it’s time for you to decide who you are. How are you going to make things right again?”

It was the very question Lucius had been asking himself since he awoke.

Suddenly, the shield wall of Adara’s emotions broke, and she wept as she fell to her knees beside the red waters of the pool.

Lucius went to her side. “I am your husband still, if you’ll have me, and I would continue to suffer this pain if it meant I could stay with you.”

Adara looked up. “We are better than this, Lucius.”

“I will make it right, somehow…”

“Mama? Baba?”

Lucius and Adara turned to see Phoebus and Calliope standing beneath the arch of ivy at the end of the path, holding hands as they watched their parents. It was as if they were seeing them for the first time in a long while.

Phoebus and Calliope both looked older now, taller and stronger, but more world-weary behind the eyes, as if they had now been fully robbed of their childhood, sent adrift upon a raft, alone with no captain.

Adara wiped her eyes and stared at them, felt such sadness and guilt at her neglect of them. But those feelings were nothing compared to the gratitude she felt that they were alive, and she opened her arms to them as she struggled to her feet.

The children came to her and their arms held her fast, as if taking advantage of the minute crumbling in the hard wall that had been mortared up around her since the destruction of their home and the loss of the baby.

Together they wept and held each other in the calm, green quiet of that healing place.

Lucius, however much he wanted to join that familial embrace, to allow that love to sooth his burned soul, could not bring himself to go near. He pulled his cowl closer about his face and turned away, unable to weep. Instead, he only felt anger at all that he had been robbed of.

His enemies had come to kill his family, and somehow, they had survived, but their family had been wounded beyond recognition, and that attack upon them all would not let him rest, for every painful movement of his body, every terrifying memory, reminded him of the loss and betrayal.

“Baba?” Calliope’s soft voice reached out to him, and Lucius felt her fingers upon his.

He pulled away. “Don’t look at me, my girl. Please.”

“I want to,” she insisted, sniffing as she wiped her sodden eyes. “The Gods told me I can help you, and I shall.”

“The Gods?” Lucius muttered. “Help us?”

“We are all here,” Phoebus added, coming to his sister’s side, staring at his father’s back. He held his sister’s hand tightly beneath the folds of their cloak. “Please look at us, Baba.”

Lucius felt desperate to walk away. But how can I turn my back on them? They fought and lost too. Finally, slowly, he lowered his cowl to reveal the rough skin of the back of his head, and turned slowly to face them.

Phoebus gripped Calliope’s hand tightly but he kept his eyes upon his father’s face, forced the tears back as he looked upon the wasteland of Lucius’ visage.

Calliope stepped forward and stood before Lucius, taking both his hands in hers and kissing them. She stood to the height of his chest now as she placed the palms of her hands upon his face.

For a moment, Lucius’ eyes closed, and his burning skin felt soothed, but it only lasted a moment until he was overcome with the feelings of self-loathing that had become a part of him.

They are beautiful…and I am a monster.

Lucius slowly removed his daughter’s hands from his face, and Calliope stepped back, afraid to hug him tightly for fear of hurting him.

They’ve even robbed me of my children’s embrace, he thought bitterly, the faces of his enemies floating at the back of his mind.

“Come,” Adara said as she approached the children. “It is getting late, and we should eat. I want you to tell me about the lambing.”

They began to walk away, hand in hand, but turned to look back.

“Lucius,” Adara said. “Will you come home with us?”

There it is, Lucius thought as he observed the tenderness he so loved, beginning to break free from behind the shades of Adara’s eyes.

“You go ahead. I will come later.”

Adara nodded sadly, and the three of them left Lucius there, alone beside the pool.

He stared at the red water, that gateway from which he had emerged. It looked soothing, cool, and as he gazed upon it, he let his cloak fall to the ground so that he stood only in his loose tunic and sandals. He slipped off the latter, and stepped slowly into the water.

Lucius sighed as he lowered himself and leaned back so that the water covered his body.

There is no going back, he heard Apollo say.

But Lucius ignored his immortal father, and focused on his pain, and on his anger.