At last , Mami

Chapter 2

I don't want anything that ties me to them

Since the machine beeped , the doctors seem to be convinced about something. Dr Douglas uses his stethoscope on my chest .My heart is beating very slowly, it's as if it's gradually going to shutdown. I can feel the emptiness in me . I could clench at my chest as a sharp pain shoots at my tummy but I can't do anything about it .The machine beeps some more , a little faster than before. Someone gets nearer to my ear .

"Beverly , I know that you know what's happening right now . You are on the ledge , on the verge of dying but the choice is yours , to jump , to stay on the spot or to get back up .I don't even know if you can hear what I'm saying but I'm just trying and taking a chance , it's possible , that you are hearing me right now .Anyways , what I mean is , it's up to you to reconsider , it's your birthday today , you just turned twenty-two -happy birthday . You could come back and live and check out a whole lot of things as a young adult.You've came this far . You obviously haven't seen much apart from most of this hospital . You could go to all the corners of the world , find love , be loved , look for happiness , find that source of happiness and cherish it , it's not like you can only live to be sad . For all I've said to come , you need to be alive to see them , you have to cooperate with us , Bev . We really don't want to lose you ,my dear . We have not found your family yet since you've never given us any information about them , perhaps they are looking for you, my love . Wouldn't you wanna reunite with them in this life ?hmm? " Dr Gabes pleaded . I could sense she felt very emotional. She's teary, she just wet my cheek with her tear.They are trying to make me emotional too . And now?? She's touching my hair weirdly, my long luscious brown locks .My hair is so long , it doesn't fit into the hospital caps .The nurses must have draped it behind the headrest. It's a strange gesture .Couldn't she like , pat my head or hold my hand or something else which isn't my locks.It takes hours for me to get it properly washed you know . I didn't like that gesture ,doctor . When i was feeling angry at the doctor , that machine beeps , it's triggering my emotional state. It isn't stopping now .

'Geez , can't it just shut up!' I thought to myself .I hate noise. I can hear a couple of more footsteps moving around the room , the nurses.The beeping is irritating my poor ears. My poor eardrums could burst at the crazy sounds. I can't scream for them to stop it .I'm lying on this bed , unable to free myself from the torture . It feels as if the sound of the machine has engulfed my ears . I can't hear the doctors properly .I feel an injection piercing through a vein close to my elbow . Someone has lowered the noise from the machine . I think it must be Dr Douglas, he knows how much I despise noise .Now I feel less pain in my stomach , my heart is a little relieved ,it must be the injection. My hearing is back to normal .I can hear the doctor .

"Her family , Dr Gabes ! Yes , something about her family. When I just talked about family , she responded . She just reacted when she heard you talking about her family.There must be something off with her family . We've managed to trigger her emotional state .Do you think she loathes her family so much ? She hasnt given us her second name .Anyways all that doesnt matter right now .I think you should say something else about her family ,Dr Gabes".Dr Douglas announced, he sounded all optimistic now. He must be crying , that crazy cry baby . He misses me . During the time I've been in this hospital , I've grown quite close to Dr Douglas . He has become somewhat a best friend to me .I never went to a school for tuition after my mother's passing , I never made friends . I befriended him , he was my first friend before I die .That's what I thought , I haven't died yet. I still remember that day , on the 20th of October three years ago. I woke up from a coma , after overdosing on sleeping pills. He was the first person I saw . He was a complete stranger to me back then . He was only twenty-five . He wore his stethoscope of honor , I could tell he hadn't been treating patients for that long . He and some other doctors had removed all traces of the sleeping pills from my system .I was angry since I'd survived my suicide attempt.

" Welcome back , Missy. We almost lost you there " Dr Douglas said with a hint of sarcasm in his tone .

"..." I didnt say anything , I was still busy trying to adjust my sight to the bright light of the ward .The smell of disinfectant had already engulfed my nose . It irritated me but I chose to ignore it so long.

"Hello , are you alright ?" he asked

"Uhmm ", I murmured as I yawned from the long nap , I'd expected to be forever .

" You had overdosed on sleeping pills ."He laughed ."Did you want to die ,Miss " , He shot a cheeky smile at me.

"..." I ignored him again .I was angry for some reason. His questions were pathetic .I'm on a hospital bed but he asked if I'm okay . He took out the large amounts of sleeping pills from my body but telling me about it , of course I wanted to die , why would I overdose on Sleeping pills in the first place .

"Can you understand English ?" he said so while pulling a serious face . 'Crazy doctor ' I thought.

He started browsing through the sheets of paper on his clipboard after not finding what he's looking for ,he looks back up at me .

"You haven't been registered yet , What I'd your name ? " he asked

"Beverly ", I answered in a calm tone . He starts scribbling my name down on one of the sheets on his hand.

"Your last name , please , Miss ?" he asked ,patient as ever .

" Beverly is just perfect , Dr....", I say as I'm trying to look for his title in his white lab coat." Dr Douglas ," I pronounced , looking at the a tag on his left coat pocket with his name .

"I'm required to register your name and last name on these documents ,Miss. It's a formality ".He says as he points onto the papers on his clipboard.

" Well , Dr Douglas ..." I say as I try to sit up straight on the bed but fail to .The doctor comes closer and arranged my fluffy pillow in a way that I feel some comfortable. I lie down , my upper body incline to the bed . After ensuring that I'm comfy , he goes back to stand on his original spot . and I continue ," Dr Douglas , I do not have a second name. I do not have anything to further explain whatsoever . If some hospital personnel has gone through my belongings , I'm sure they can't refute with my lack of last name because that's what my identification document has .I'm still new to this country , could not having a last name be a crime , in this country ?" I looked straight into his eyes and answered plainly .

"..." The Doctor froze . He was awestruck, I could tell.

There was a few moments of pregnant silence between us for a while . After a while , I broke the silence.

" Can I please have my belongings , I would like to pay for the hospital bill .May I please have the hospital bill as well" I requested of the doctor .

"Your belongings shall be returned to you by a nurse in a matter of minutes...(He's silent for some seconds).Would you give me any details of a parent or a guardian whom we may contact to inform about your current medical condition , Miss? " he asked nervously

"No ",I answered sharply . There wasn't anything more going to come out of me .The doctor noticed and scribbled things I don't know of and took a sit on the stool that stood beside my bed .

"How old are you, Miss Beverly ", he asked

"nineteen ", I gave another sharp answer . He writes my age down on the clipboard .

"Would you like to share any personal information to me about yourself about how you ended up in our hospital , Miss?" He asks again

" No ".I answered sharply

" .." He was silent again for a while.

" I wanted to die , so I took the nearest solution to my problem from my handbag . I took down sleeping pills with a juice .Now I'm here , not dead .Is that all?" I declared .

".." He ddnt answer . He just looked at me in confusion .I knew I was mean .I didnt have a reason to be nice to him . The nurse comes in with my handbag and she leaves after greeting us . I take out my ID document and passport from Cape West and hand them over to the doctor . He verifies the fact that I don't have a surname and scribbles it down on his clipboard and includes my nationality as a Cape West citizen. I take out my black card , where I've always stashed my millions and gave the card to the doctor.

" Could you please pay all my bills with this card .I'm sure whatever amount there is enough for the upcoming days . I won't need to keep it anymore ." I told Dr Douglas as I gave him the bank card . "It's not like I'll need it in hell" I whispered so the doctor couldn't hear.

" Oww ..oww! " He stummers while the card is in his hand . " Why don't you want to tell me what your problem is ?" he asked

" Why do I need to tell you ? It's not like you can do anything about it.My problems are mine , I dont like burdening people with them .I really don't feel like talking about it . Please don't mind my business , mind your own ,dear doctor " It was a double edged sword , I mocked at him and drew the boundary . I tilted my head to the other side of the ward away from the doctor .

" I'm Irvine Douglas . Everybody calls me Dr Douglas in the hospital . Would you want a friend ?" He requested. This was the first time anybody ever requested to be my friend for as long as I can remember. I turned my head back to him .My eyes were teary . I felt emotional . I liked Dr Douglas right then.

"Yes , I would want one Dr Douglas ", He took out a handkerchief and wiped my tears away . We became close friends but I never shared my actual problems with him . He didn't mind sharing his problems with me . I made a friend but my feelings towards living never changed .

'Sorry Irvine , you got the wrong message , I ddnt like the other doctors' hair gesture. I have mad love for my hair , even when I'm in a coma . Family what? That's crazy ! I don't want anything to do with my so called family . I even rid myself of a last name because it made me feel like filth . I don't want anything that ties me with them, they are my enemies , there's no blood relation ; except my brothers . My brothers , who haven't looked back to find me . God knows if they've ever tried , wells also knows that I've waited .I'm tired. Perhaps countries abroad made them forget me , Bambie. It has been long since I've heard anybody address so lovingly by that petname . Mr Smith was the last ,a few years ago when he pleaded to me so that I'd sign some contract I still never managed to read or got to know what it stated before I fled Cape West . My brothers , never called , never came back for me ....Terrence and Rodney .