It was never going to be Easy

Message In A Bottle

April 12th

It had been two weeks and I still got no call or text from him. I didn't expect him to call or text but it would of been nice to hear from him. Like, just become friends. It kind of hurt when I didn't get a response from him, but I'm still not going to give up. Not yet. I have not felt true happiness in a long time and I'd been a fool if i had to throw that all away now.

"I can't believe he didn't message you", Tharwah says.

"Maybe he lost her number", Terri says.

"Like that's likely" I say rolling my eyes.

"You need to find a way to tell him how you feel or at least get to talk to him", Terri says laying her face on her chair.

"I think I'm going to write him a letter", I say fiddling with the bracelet on my arm.

"Yes, do that", Mckayla says.

"What do I say in the letter though?".

"Write exactly how your feeling. Tell him how you feel and then let him take it into consideration", Terri speaks.

"Okay. I'm going to try that. If my brain can even process how I feel about him", I laugh.

"Write it when you get home. You'll think better".

"I'm going to. But won't it be to soon of me?", I say.

"Do you want him to talk to you or not?", She says.

"Okay, I'll try".

What do I say? How do I even start the letter off? Is this even a good idea? What if he thinks I'm weird or a creep? What if he doesn't accept the letter? What if he laughs at me?

I am so scared right now.

3:07pm

School has been dismissed and I'm walking out of the gates towards my brother. His standing by his friends as usual. I walk up to him and he notices I'm standing there, he doesn't say anything only smiles at me.

A few weeks ago I found out that my brother's friend with the glasses is brother's with the boy that I'm supposedly attached to. Funny how small the world is, isn't it.

Our transport arrives and we climb into the van.

8:30pm

I'm sitting in my room and I have just completed all my homework. I've already taken a shower so my daily dues are over. I can't help but think about that letter. Maybe I should write it. We only die once right, and life's to short to not tell them how you feel.

I tare a piece of paper out of my writing pad and start writing how I feel. How do I start it? Dear... No that's lame. To... No that's even worse. Okay maybe just a 'Hi' will do. Maybe I should ask social media for help. I go on pinterest and see a bunch of letters that people wrote over the years. None of them will do. This is so frustrating.

Okay just breathe Nishaat. You've got this.

Hi

I can't keep this a secret any longer. I am probably going to deeply regret this but I just feel like you need to know the truth...I like you...a lot, but I haven't told you this because I knew you probably don't like me back. I have the worst image of everyone teasing me if I said a word about this. But I think you deserve the truth. I hope this isn't something that you will tell your friends about just so they can have a reason to laugh at me. Please don't let this make things awkward between us. I know you probably don't like me in return, but I was hoping we could maybe be friends. I'm sorry to put one more thing on your mind but this was killing me to keep it all to myself and you are someone worth knowing what people think about you, so I guess I'm just that one person opening up. I know it will be tempting to laugh at me for this, but just think how much courage it takes just to talk to the person you like, let alone tell them you like them. So, please take this into consideration before you suddenly think something bad or stupid about me. Again, please don't let things become awkward. And please think about how much courage this took to give you this.

~Nishaat

I fold the letter and slip it into my blazer pocket. I'm giving it to him tomorrow and everything will be fine.

Everything will be fine.

April 13th

I walk into class and take my usual seat.

"I wrote the letter", I tell my friends.

"Can I read it?", Terri asks I give it to her. Terri reads the letter then turns around to me and says, "I love how you're so bitchy at the end", She passes the letter to Melanie and Kauthar. They walk to my table and read the letter together.

"Oh my God, Nishaat. Are you really gonna give it to him?", Kauthar asks.

"Yep. Why, shouldn't I?", I ask, worried.

"You definitely should", Melanie says.

I fold the letter up and place it back into my pocket.

"When are you going to give it to him though?", Tharwah asks.

"During break. But he needs to be standing alone because it's going to be awkward if his friends are around", I say.

"Yeah, I'll come with you", Melanie says.

"I'm so scared. Aahhh", I scream then laugh afterwards.

"Don't worry you'll be fine", Tharwah says.

"Remember we only get one break today, because we leaving school early so you better do it first break", Terri says.

"I'll prepare myself so long", I close my eyes and the bell rings.

***

It is now break and I'm shivering again. I can't do this. There is no way I will be able to give him this letter. I cannot do it, nope. I walk into Miss Davids classroom and my good friend Haanim is sitting on one of the desks at the back of the classroom.

"Haanim. You remember the guy I told you about and that I kind of have a crush on him? I wrote him a letter", I hand her the letter and she opens it up and reads it.

"Nishaat, you need to give it to him. This is written so well. Give it to him", She begs.

"I told her to. I'll come with you. We can go look for him", Melanie says.

"I'm scared, okay. What if he doesn't accept the letter?", I sigh.

"Then I'll hurt him", Kauthar says. "I'll come with", She says.

"Kauthar and I will come with you. Come on, let's go", Melanie begs.

"Just go Nishaat, nothing bad will happen", Tharwah says.

Am I really doing this. Okay anxiety I'm pushing you aside for a few minutes. I got this. This will be easy. I hope.

We walk onto the field and see him standing by a classroom window.

"I can't do this, f**k no", I walk up and down the field.

"Yes you can. Look his standing alone. Just give him the letter then we can leave", Melanie says.

"I can't!", I sequel.

"Just give him the damn letter, Nishaat", Kauthar shrugs.

"Look I'm literally shaking right now", I lift up my hands to show them how badly I'm shaking. "I can't. I think I'm going to throw up", I lift my hand to my mouth.

"Stop it! Look I'm going to start walking and if you don't follow me I'm going to be so upset", Melanie says. She begins to move towards him and I catch up to her.

"How do I look?", I whisper.

"Gorgeous", She smiles.

We walk up to him and I can feel the awkward tension surrounding us. I hate this already. Why did I have to do it like this? I literally want to die right now?

"Hey. Uhm", I look at Melanie and she gives me a glare. "Take this", I give him the letter and it falls out of his hand, I try to save it and he does the same. I touch his hand and I pull away. He catches the letter before it ends up on the floor. "Read it when you're alone", I say. I walk away and Melanie follows. She hooks her arm around mine. I turn back and his already reading the letter. We speed walk to Kauthar and we run off the field together.

"I can't believe I just did that", I say running off the field. My heart is beating so fast and my face is heating again. I'm out of breath as we run towards where everyone else is.

"I gave him the letter!", I say.

"What!", Malikah shouts.

"I knew you could do it", Tharwah says.

"I feel so weird. I used my f*****g nervous voice. Out of all the times in the world it choose now to show up. I was like, 'hey'. With a stupid high pitched voice", I cover my face.

"Don't worry. Now you just have to wait for an answer. It's his turn now", Tharwah says.

"If he answers", I say.

"He will", Melanie says.

"Yeah, stop doubting yourself", Malikah says.

"Where's Terri? I'm going to go look for her. Kauthar come with me", I say. Terri spends her breaks with her other friends under the shed in A-block. I hope she's there.

"Nishaat, your walking to fast", Kauthar says.

"I'm sorry. It's the adrenaline in me, from that whole scene", I walk backwards. I turn back around and see Terri sitting under the shed.

"Terri! Terri!", I run towards her and sit next to her.

"What?", She says confused.

"I gave him the letter".

"What!", She scream.

She sits up facing me and listens to me explaining exactly what happened. I can barely speak properly because I'm out of breath. I speak so fast, I wonder if she can even understand what I'm saying. I slowly begin to calm down as I finish explaining everything.

"You actually gave him the letter. I can't believe it. I'm so happy for you", She smiles.

"I know. I didn't think I'd actually do it, but it felt good to let him know how I feel about him. I hope I don't walk into him the rest of the day. I hope my brother didn't see that because he'd kill me", I look around almost like my brother is right there watching me.

The bell rings and break is over.

This is going to be a long day.

We're sitting in Economic class and I can't help but think what could happen. Would he come up to me and tell me he'd like to be friends as well? Would he think it was cute that I wrote him a letter? Would we become really close? Would he write me a letter back?

3:05pm

School is done for the day and I'm waiting outside for my transport to arrive. My transport arrives and I get into the taxi. I sit by the window and think about him. What did he think about the letter? Did he like it? Will he message me when he gets home? I use my phone as a mirror and notice that my face is blood red. I look out the window and smile the whole way home.

You got me blushing all the way home.

xxx<3