It was never going to be Easy

Terri

April 19th

It's the third week of the second term and I'm so drained from school. When will this year end.

I wonder if that asshole that Nishaat has a crush on messaged her. I don't know what she sees in him but I'll respect her for her choices. Even though I think his an asshole. She gave him her number and he didn't even text her. If he doesn't respond to this letter, I'm going to be so upset.

I walk into E-block and see Mckayla and Malikah sitting at our usual spot.

"Hello", I say sitting next to them.

"Mckayla, did you see Harry announced a new album!", I squeal.

"Yes. I'm so excited", She smiles.

"He released a new song too. It's called As It Was".

"I didn't hear it".

"Are you serious? Come here I'll play it for you", I open YouTube on my phone and play her the song.

Nishaat arrives and sits next to us.

"Hey. What are you guys watching?", She asks looking at my phone.

"The As It Was music video", I say.

"I saw it. I love it. I knew it was going to be similar to 'Golden'. A viby song with a deep meaning".

"He is so clever", I say playing the video for Mckayla.

"Oh my gosh. I love it", She says smiling at the screen.

The group all arrives at school and we're all talking about different things. I look over at Nishaat who's sitting aside from us all. She's staring into space.

"Did he message you?", I ask her even though I already know the answer to that.

"Nope", She says with a dull tone.

"The b***h", I say.

"Well I saw it coming", She says giving off a small smile.

"Don't worry. He'll come and talk to you when his ready. You just have to be patient, Nishaat", Tharwah tells her.

"I guess", She says.

She's so upset by this. I can tell. Why can't she just tell us how she feels about this. I want to hug her so badly.

"I have no idea what you see in him anyway", Mckayla says.

"I don't know what I see in him either. I just see something, you know", Her cheeks turns a rosy colour.

"He could of at least told you he doesn't feel the same way, now his making you feel so bad about yourself. He could of been like, 'I'm sorry I don't feel the same way, but I hope you find someone who feels the same way about you like you feel about me, unfortunately that person is not me'. But no, his a f*****g coward", I spit.

The classroom opens and we walk into class. We take our seats and Nishaat sits in the last row as usual but she's sitting right at the end of the row this time. She doesn't say a word to anyone.

Did I say something wrong? Should I of not said that? There you go again Terri, talking before you think. You never learn. I feel bad, did I hurt her feelings. s**t.

What is going on in her mind? Did he message her but she doesn't want to tell us because it's something that hurt her? She's too quiet, this is not normally her. She's bubbly and she's always smiling and laughing. She looks so hurt right now.

"Nishaat are you okay?", Tharwah asks her. Tharwah's sitting next to her.

"I'm fine", She says not looking Tharwah in the eyes.

"I want to hug her so bad", I tell Tharwah.

"I'm Fine. Don't worry about me. I'm fine", She says looking at us. I swear I could see a tear in her eye but she's pushing them back.

If I see that guy in the corridor I'm going to hurt him. But I don't want to hurt her. But he hurt her. Now she's making me overthink.

She got herself in the deepest s**t right now. How do I get her out of this?

"Listen to Harry. It'll make you feel better", I tell her and she smiles at me.

"I'm not really in the mood for anything, right now", She says leaning over the table.

I'm Terri Lockman, and I'm here trying to prove to a sweet innocent girl why she shouldn't go after an attention seeking bastard.

Nishaat

I'm not fine.

Nothing about this is okay. I thought I would forget about this whole situation already but it keeps coming back to me.

Am I not pretty enough for you?

And I not skinny enough for you?

Am I not popular enough for you?

Be patient they say. How long do I have to wait. We're in the third week of the second term already and I still got nothing from him. I thought that I would let this whole thing go already but I just can't. Why can't you just tell me how you feel? I honestly don't care if you tell me you don't feel the same way. I just need an answer.

When I see him walking around the corridors his always with a group of girls. Why can't I be one of those girls?

Maybe I should just go up to him and talk. But no words come out when I look at him. He makes me speechless. What would we even talk about anyway? Why is this so hard? Why are you making this so hard for me?

Just tell me how you feel so I can move on.

I feel a heavy pit inside of my stomach. Don't cry. Don't cry. You're stronger than that. Crying makes you weak. You're better than that.

I need to find a way to get him to talk to me. Even if it's for two seconds. I just need to talk to him.

Tharwah is right. I can't give up on him. Not yet. I need be to patient. He'll come around when his ready. I just have to wait. I'll wait whether it's weeks or months.

I'll wait.

The bell ring and I'm the first one to make it outside. I don't wait for anyone I just walk to class. I think we get Economics now, that's in B-block.

"Nishaat wait!", Terri shouts from behind me. I turn around and wait for her to catch up to me. "Are you sure your okay?".

"Yep, I'm fine. I should of known he wouldn't want to be involved with a girl like me. I'm way out of his league", I say walking with her to class.

"I think his out of your league, darling. Anyway, I need you to know that if you feel like you need to talk about it you can talk to me okay, you can tell me how you feel, even if that means you'll end up crying", She says in a soft tone.

"I don't cry", I say with a straight face.

"What do you mean?".

"Crying makes you look weak. I don't cry", I say.

"Who told you that?", She pulls her face.

"My father".

"Well that's bullshit. Crying helps you express and understand your emotions better. If you feel like you need to cry, then cry. Don't hold it back because you want to seem strong that's ridiculous", She scoffs.

I don't argue with her. We walk upstairs B-block and into Economics. I try not to think to much about him today and if he told his friends about the letter or not. I wrote in the letter that he shouldn't tell his friends about it so I hope he respects my wishes and keeps it a secret.

That night innocent Nishaat cried herself to sleep.

xxx

Love you Theresa :}