It was never going to be Easy

Nothing New

May 19th

I'm still waiting.

It has been a month since I gave him that letter and as you've guessed, no response came from him at all.

I think I should just forget about him for a few days. I should live my life and let him live his until he has the courage to tell me exactly how he feels about me. I should let the cards play for themselves. Just for now. Until I'm ready and strong enough to continue this fiasco.

We're starting with exams again and I need to get my study schedule in place. I did really well in the first term I'm hoping that I can do even better this term.

The worst problem that I have when writing an exam is that I know all the work when I'm studying, but the moment I get the question paper in my hand, my brain goes completely blank. Almost like the work I studied walks out of my brain. It's like I can feel the anxiety rushing through my body. I don't know why I stress about it but I just do. I know it's something stupid to stress about but I just can't help myself.

The day goes by smoothly. I spend the most time with my friends. We laugh and sing as we always do. I listen to the weird stories that Santino and Melanie are telling. They really know how to make you laugh, even when you don't feel like laughing.

It's break now and we're all standing outside by a window in the shade. Mckayla, Terri and Malikah are sitting on the floor.

"It's so warm", Haanim moans as she falls to the ground laying in the shade.

"Nishaat sit down", She says.

"I don't want to sit. I don't know how to sit with a skirt on", I laugh.

It's true. I have no idea how to sit with a skirt on. It's the most uncomfortable pair of clothing to ever exist.

I stand amongst my friends laughing with them. I move my gaze away from them. I look up at the sky and watch the clouds moves.

I look back down and see him and two of his friends walk past us. His looking at me. I look at him and we're both giving each other eye contact. He walks past, still looking at me.

"Nishaat-".

I stare at him and he stares back until he walks into a classroom. I smile at him before he walks into the classroom.

"Nishaat-".

"Yeah", I look at Terri who's calling me from the ground.

"What are you looking at?", She moves her head back trying to see behind her.

"Nothing. I'm just staring into space. What's wrong?".

"Did you see that video of Harry on tour?".

I respond with a "No" and she shows me a video of Harry Styles in a jumpsuit running like a little kid on stage.

I laugh when the video is done playing. I look back up to see if he'll walk out of the class.

"Are we all writing the paper in the same class?", I ask the group.

"Yep, it's only kauthar that's not writing the exam with us but we write in our form class", Tharwah says.

"Okay", I sigh. I wonder if his writing in our class.

The bell rings and we walk to class before we begin our exam. I take the same seat I took the last time we wrote. The grade tens walk into the classroom and he takes the seat behind me. My friends all look at me and I glare at them.

"Take a seat everyone", Ma'am says to the class. "I will now mark the register, I'll start with the grade nines". Ma'am calls out childrens names in my class and I wait for mine. "Nishaat?", She calls. "I'm here", I say looking at ma'am.

"Nishaat", I hear someone whisper from behind me.

Did he just whisper my name. I'm sure it was him. I must be hearing voices. Why would he do that?

I look halfway over my shoulder not looking at him, then turn my head back to face the front of the class. Did he just say my name? First he stares at me and now his whispering my name. What is going on?

Focus Nishaat. You said your going to think about yourself for now. Don't let him distract you. He will come up to you when the time is right, for now, focus on yourself.

Ma'am hands out our question papers and we begin writing. I write answers down none stop for a whole hour. As I finish answering all my questions I put my pen down and my wrist starts to pain. I think I pressed to hard well writing. I wrote this paper calmly. I'm glad I didn't freak out as much as I usually do.

The bell rings and I hand my answer sheet in. I walk to the front of the classroom and grab my bag, I then walk out of the class and wait for Terri and Mckayla. They come walking out together.

"How'd you guys write?", I ask.

"It was okay", Mckayla says.

"It was good", Terri says.

We walk out of the gate going our separate ways. I jump into my transports taxi and I go home.

He said my name.

xxx